addicted and depressed

LegacyUser

I need advice on issues regarding both of my parents. I'm back living with them the past few months. I was previously in college and living with my partner, now ex, so made the decision to move back home as I cannot afford to live elsewhere. I am not getting on well with them at home due to many problems.
One of them suffers from depression for the past 10 or so years and both of them are abusing drugs (prescription and illegal) for many years. I pay rent to them and they are spending at least some of it on drugs as they always have drugs but constantly run out of money and ask for loans etc. They are on welfare and I'm working many hours in a health care profession which is a stressful job in itself.
I'm young myself and growing up witnessing them taking drugs and suffering from depression has really affected me through the years. I don't know what to do anymore as I get worked up when trying to help them and make them see what they are doing, but I can't change them by myself and need advice.

During my college graduation they showed up late which they do for any event. Didn't make an effort getting dressed up for the occasion etc. They make excuses for everything. Never apologise either. They have fallen asleep countless times at my siblings communions confirmations and anything in our schools, even when visiting sick relations in hospitals which is all very embarrassing. I could never count on them for anything and hate asking them to do anything for me. If I needed a lift from school or anywhere i'd have to wait hours in the rain before being picked up, and if I rang them I'd be told just wait a few minutes or else the phone would be turned off.

They never would buy me a gift or ask me out for a coffee or want to do any activities with me, it is as if they don't care about anything. They forgot to buy me a gift for my birthday last year and didn't give me anything for christmas this year except a little thing they probably got as a gift themselves and just gave it to me. Where as I got everyone in my family thoughtful gifts I know they would appreciate. They know i've been through alot this year with the break up and moving house, starting a new job and yet don't want to help me at all. I converted a room in the house myself without their help and put together furniture myself which took ages and asked for their assistance but they kept saying next week and never did it.

I've also been feeling ill with symptoms of very low ferritin, I can bearly breath after any excursion and my heart rate is very high, I am constantly tired, my hair is thinning and more symptoms but those are the main things. I'm on tablets for this and they don't seem to be working, i'm very stressed and told my mother and she said i'm making out like i'm dying. I've never said that but It just makes me feel so bad that my mother wouldn't be worried about me one bit.

I left school early and decided to go back to college and complete the leaving cert myself and then went on to study further. I thought I did well for myself considering I was being called a waster. Now my mother told me after my graduation you'd swear I was the first person to graduate. All i'd like is a bit of recognition due to how far i've come and considering my background. My parents stay in bed until 3-5 pm easily and due to depression, doesn't eat or cook meals.
Even on Christmas eve there was no food in the house so I went and bought food for everyone at 5pm, a big christmas shop and got no thanks!.

I feel like giving up, I love my parents and love to get them nice presents and would love to do things with them but feel like they don't care at all, or maybe I just have high expectations. But I do believe if i'm paying my way and working long hours, another parent would like to do nice things for you to show they love you such as cook you a meal (once in awhile) or something along those lines if they are just lazing about lying in bed or watching tv with nothing else to do, or am I wrong?.
The depression is so bad one of my parents might not leave the house for months on end, and will cancel any plans made because they run so late if I tell them off to hurry up i'm told 'Theyre not going now because i'm giving out'' . I must admit I lose the rag at times when I get frustrated with them.

How do I get the help for my family that we really need?
I'm the oldest sibling and my other siblings think this is all normal and accept it for what it is as its all they know, which is very wrong for kids to grow up like this but they are well loved and I don't want to see them separated or taken away. I just want help for us all as I believe we are all effected by this.
I also believe the root cause for the depression and addiction of one of my parents is due to things that occured in childhood which has never been resolved as its complicated.
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Jenneke87

When people are abusing drugs or other substances you can't get love from them. Their hearts are chemically closed and they can't focus on anything else than the next high/drink/shot, whatever it is they binge on.

You're in a very stressful situation and living with two addicted parents is more than anyone can handle. Is there really no way that you can move out, not even rent a room that would get you away from that place? I'd say just about anything is better than staying there.

Is there anyone you can talk to? If not, would you consider going to a counselor, and also go back to your GP if your medication is not working properly.

I would also contact support groups for people who have addicted familymembers so they can point you in the right direction as to where you can get help for your parents and also for yourself. Your carrying a lot of stress and pain with you, which is unfair. I wish you all the best.