Hot then cold.....

LegacyUser

I met a guy last Tues...he quite literally knocked me off the escalator in Debenhams. Anyway he took me for a coffee and we got on pretty well. Both in 40s and both work in same area but hadn't come across before. Anyway he asked for my number to check i was ok. Rang me later and asked me to a concert sat. Rang me lots each day and pretty much ongoing texting. We'd talked at 4pm and arranged to pick me up at 6. No sign. So I rang at 6.30 and phone off. No reply to texts. ?

Rubberchikken

he probably just regretted moving from texts to asking you to a concert so soon. some people do before they think.
however i don't think it was nice of him to not show. a simple text or call to just say sorry can't come would have been better.

don't feel bad about it, these things happen. take care

BreadnBuddha

There's no excuse for that kind of behaviour. None.

It's nothing you've done. The problem is entirely his and whatever you do, don't fall for any excuses he offers if contact resumes.

That phone was off and if any decent man had found his phone battery had died or whatever, he'd have done everything he could think of to get it charged (to get your number) and not leave you standing.

If he'd lost it he'd have had a new sim and phone the next day, so he could establish contact ASAP. I presume you sent him a text asking if he was late/okay or whatever, which would have arrived when the battery was charged or a new phone and sim was added to the network.

Assume he's just not a nice person.

What an arsehole. You dodged a bullet there.

magicmushroom

He is an arsehole.

If he tries to contact you again, just ignore him - he has no excuse whatsoever for doing that to you and was very mean.

LegacyUser

Op here. Thanks for replies. Am now in seething stage rather than disappointment. Guy was the one who pursued it. Four hour phone calls. I said to him it might lead to nothing. He sent me back a text to say didn't want a one night stand. After the shock of hurting my knee on the escalator he insisted on following me in his car behind mine to check I got home ok so he knows where I live. Didn't come in so doesn't know live on my own. I'm so annoyed! Deal was he was to pick me up for concert. Told me booked dinner. I rang and it was booked! I feel like such an idiot. Checked....we had 197 texts and 57 phone calls?!

seamus

Possibly married/involved and got cold feet about the whole thing and decided that just going dark was the quickest way to call a halt to what he was about to do?

Either way, not worth wasting your time over anyway.

miamee

seamus wrote: »

Possibly married/involved and got cold feet about the whole thing and decided that just going dark was the quickest way to call a halt to what he was about to do?

Either way, not worth wasting your time over anyway.

I'd have thought the same myself, that he's already attached, took a chance when he bumped into you in Debenhams in asking you for coffee and then changed his mind about the whole thing when it came to actually meeting up for a date. Hard to know but either way, one to be avoided even if he does re-appear at some stage.

Tigger99

You met a guy last Tuesday and already there's been 50 something phonecalls and 190 texts?! That's very intense for someone you haven't even gone on one date with. To be honest I think you've had a lucky escape. Bloody hell I cannot get over the amount of phonecalls. Did it not make you feel a bit uncomfortable? And you let him follow you home in his car so he knows where you live?

There are so many boundaries crossed here that I'm actually stunned. Did your intuition not tell you that something was a bit off here?

Heat_Wave

similar issue wrote: »

Op here. Thanks for replies. Am now in seething stage rather than disappointment. Guy was the one who pursued it. Four hour phone calls. I said to him it might lead to nothing. He sent me back a text to say didn't want a one night stand. After the shock of hurting my knee on the escalator he insisted on following me in his car behind mine to check I got home ok so he knows where I live. Didn't come in so doesn't know live on my own. I'm so annoyed! Deal was he was to pick me up for concert. Told me booked dinner. I rang and it was booked! I feel like such an idiot. Checked....we had 197 texts and 57 phone calls?!

He insisted on following you to your home and you both exchanged 197 texts, and 57 phone calls?? Holy moly. That sounds dangerous, creepy and very intense.

Apologies, just noticed the post above. I essentially paraphrased it without having even seen it.

OP, I detest this saying with a passion but I think 'you had a lucky escape'. He sounds like a very strange man and standing you up like that was a really awful thing to do. I would be seething too. But tbh, I would be very anxious too. This man (a total stranger) insisted on following you to your home, and you allowed it. I would suggest you learn from this experience and be a lot more cautious going forward.

Best of luck.

thalia_13

Sounds like similar type guy that I met recently... Never turned up for next date phone off no reply, blocked on fb etc. I can only assume it's because he was married /taken and got cold feet.
Let this dude go. You deserve better!

njs030

197 texts and 57 phone calls?? In 5 days?? That's more then 10 calls a day!

Honestly op I think you should forget about him and focus on yourself.
As others have said its quite worrying you allowed a strange man to follow you home, the contact is scarily intense, you have a part to play in that unless he was sending 10-15 texts to every one of yours. To be honest the fact you sat down and counted them worries me. You sound really really invested in someone you've known an incredibly short time.

To be let down like that is pretty crappy but as you don't even know this man it should have been a "fcuk him" moment and shrugged off rather than upsetting you enough to need to post about it. It sounds scarily intense and maybe that was part of what put him off.
I would have put your age at teens or early twenties from what you had written.


Unfortunately usually when something is that intense early on it blows out just as fast. Slow and steady is always the best way and you can control the speed and intensity.
Are you quite lonely op? To get so into someone so quickly would make me wonder if you're leaping in without looking and without regard for your own safety, please be more careful and take things slooooowly.

LegacyUser

True story:

Met a guy on a weekend away, I was off that Monday and staying in my friend's house. He'd rung my house even before I'd got back to it. Don't think there were any texts by then.

Hour long calls every night that week, and a lot of texting. Arranged to meet him that Friday - no show, phone off. Waited 45 mins I think, during which some guy at the bar sympathised with me re the no show.

I was livid, he got back in touch on Sunday I think, 'phone broken'. Now it was over 10 yrs ago, so a small bit more believable re broken phone. He had my landline though! Didn't bother answering any of the many calls / texts till wed or thu. Decided ok, he gets 1 more chance.

We met, got on really well. He asked me to go away with him the next weekend, which I thought was so ridiculous that I cracked up laughing. He had to take phonecall a few mins later - went outside the bar, and never came back!!

Never ever EVER again would I entertain the 'way too much too soon' type. I don't know whether he was attached, couldn't believe I laughed at the idea of going away with someone I didn't know, or it was all a game. Oh and the best bit: I'm 90% sure that the guy who sympathised with me re the no show the week before was in the bar the 2nd time. Or else someone v similar raised his glass to me and made a comment!

Your guy sounds horribly similar OP! Nothing but an absolute gob****e tbh.

amtc

Seems very similar!

I was out about ten years ago, and it was my birthday so had presents and flowers waiting on bus. Guy approached me to carry them at bus stop and 'coincidentally' got off at my stop. Asked me out, and had lots of chats and texts...

We met for a meal in town, and then went to a pub near where we both 'lived'. I had said I had no cash on me, as there is no cashpoint there. We had agreed a present for each other...mine was a DVD, he had got me a necklace from Weirs but took it back to get our names engraved. His phone rang, left his jacket and umbrella there and said it was his sister. No problem, but twenty minutes later no sign!

I was so embarrassed as a friend of my dad's was there and covered the bill.

I got a lift home. Next morning got a text saying 'I'm sorry'

Then I met him on a bus a few weeks later. He deliberately sat beside me, and apologised and just said how sorry he was. Told me he'd booked a weekend away, I stupidly said I would see him again. Never turned up.

I got a work colleague to check his work...doesn't work there!

LegacyUser

So after all this...guy rang me today. I didn't have number saved so didn't know it was. I was out so didn't know who it was. Called it back later. All apologetic. Just said he got scared and wasn't ready to fall in love. He's nearly 50! I wouldn't have called if I knew it was him. Anyway he was all over me like a rash and asked me out New Year's Eve. Now apparently ready for serious relationship. After one coffee! For all he knows I'm involved. Anyway he said I was so beautiful that he was scared. I'm not bad but I'm no supermodel. Anyway told him in no uncertain terms to f off. 18 texts later have not replied.

MaroonAndGreen

Quite simply OP, he's a weirdo

HelgaWard

Sounds like a right strange fish, who has a brass neck. To stand you up like that and then ring you again?! I'm wondering if his knocking you down on the escalator was accidental now. I'd block his number.