Sex issues

LegacyUser

Ok be warned this could be a long one. I have tried to post this in the right forum and not to be crude.

So basically I suffer with premature ejaculation. And when I say suffer mean really badly. When I first started masturbating I would last in excess of an hour every time. That was going full speed , no breaks. Gradually over time this slowly began to decrease till after a couple of years I would only last a few minutes. I suppose I made that mistake that some young men make of training themselves to cum to fast.

This has translated directly into my performance in bed. When I first received oral I lasted somewhere between 10 and 15 minutes. A few months later I was lasting about 4. By the time I would have had sex about 10 months later minute or two. So I tried to fix it. I would masturbate over the course of roughly 30 minutes. If I felt I was close then I would take a short break and then would continue. I did this in excess of a year plus. Then a few weeks ago I tried just going full wack just to see if there was any improvement. I was down to 30 seconds. So that just destroyed any confidence I had remaining.

I only had sex once when I was 18.. She tore into me about a lot of things but how short I lasted was the main bit. I hadnt had any sexual experiences since. I have just been paranoid about how long I lasted and how bad id be. It wasn't a problem up to recently as I wouldn't get be considered good looking or tend to get anywhere with women. Just recently I have broken off with girls I liked after a few weeks of seeing them as they were starting to drop hints about doing the deed. Recently after a date I really hot girl brought me back to her place. We had a few drinks and it was clear where it was going. And I got worked up about how long id last that I shake to shiver and shake for over a hour. I just used the excuse I was cold. I let soon as we started to make out I was just too worried about how long id last.

I have tried to just accept im happy without every needing to do anything sexual. Tried to ignore it but it hasnt worked. Recently I have started getting really bad depressed mood swings etc. So i need to resolve it.

I feel really stupid writing this and lord knows to this must read but im getting to the stage where I really need any help advice to fix this.

SATSUMA

Hey, it's really common firstly. Secondly why not talk to a GP? Also you've got it in your head you're not going to last so it's causing anxiety. In my experience so what if you come fast just means you can go again and again

Seriously though, you're entitled to a good sex life if you've met someone. Time to be brave and see what options are out there for you.

Best of luck x

deseil

Your over thinking op you need to relax my oh had this problem he was freaked I just took it as a huge compliment😆 and he pleasured me for a while until he was ready to go again its lead to us having a great sex life!

getaroom

Do you remember the movie "something about mary"?

You have to throw one out before you go out to put it about.

LegacyUser

Do you remember the episode of the inbetweeners where your man did exactly that....

Tried to go a 2nd time with the girl i had sex and could get it up at all. I know its not exactly the same thing but it would put me off trying it.

As regards going dr, i dont think its a medical problem just something I have trained my self into and need to train my self out of.

Having said that i do appreciate the advice and its giving me food for thought.

LegacyUser

Hey,

It sounds like you have turned this into a bit of an obsession for you and it is impacting on your well being and confidence. Especially when you are breaking it off with girls or avoid any level of intimacy with a partner. Premature ejaculation is a common enough problem, especially when you are less experienced and it probably has happened to a lot of guys at some stage. There is more to sex than a countdown timer on how long you last. You can spend time kissing, cuddling, and using your hands and your mouth before or after actual penetration. Take your time and relax. If you feel you are getting close just say so and slow it down even more, even if it means stopping what you are doing for a moment. Don't be afraid to communicate with her. Rather than using a timer when you are masturbating focus on recognising the "point of no return" and learning how to slow yourself down before it.

And if you do finish too quickly it's not the end of the world. I know the 1st time with a new partner you want to put in a 100% performance, but remember they probably have their own insecurities and are just as worried about their performance. Try and relax and go with the flow and don't let this ruin your chances. Good luck bro

nozipcode

First off, getting to orgasm with your hand is completely different to when a partner is using their hand/mouth/[insert orifice here]. It may be less pleasurable or more pleasurable than masturbating.
You're right when you say this is in your head - it is, and you created it, so you can destroy it.
First advice would be to stop comparing masturbation to actual sex. So try not to let this issue stop you from having sex. Go out there, preferrably with a trusted partner, and experiment. But, like said above, dont go in on an full tank! As long as it's been a few hours (actually over half and hour and you'll probably be good to go again) since you've masterbated/cum, you wont have any issues with getting an erection. Trust.
But back to original point, dont compare masturbation to actual sex. How aroused you can make yourself in your own mind, and how aroused a partner can make you will be two completely different things.