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Finding Space

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  • 19-12-2015 8:05pm
    #1
    Cartel Mike
    Registered Users Posts: 781 ✭✭✭


    I just want to state that I'm not currently in a relationship.
    When I am in one I find it so tough to find space. At points I can't hear myself think and found that I need regular timeouts in order to make good decisions (or at least try to).
    Unfortunately long walks aren't enough.

    Someone told me once that this is a sign that you just don't want someone knowing 100% who you are and it's an insecurity. Although they make a good point it just seems to simple to me.

    I've always found that I need more space than the person I'm with (no matter how independent they seem).

    I feel this is a problem/subject that maybe isn't talked about. Either people don't talk about it or find away to deal with it. When it comes to 'being honest' , from experience I've found that honesty isn't always the best policy.


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    #2
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    How often are you seeing the person you're in a relationship with? If you feel like you're not getting enough space when you're only seeing them for a few hours once or twice a week then it's a bit unusual, but if you're seeing someone every day then maybe just cool down and let things build over time.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Why do you feel like you need to be in a relationship then? You sound happier out of one. There's nothing wrong with that


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    #4
    Shrap
    Registered Users Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    I totally understand that OP. And so does my partner. I'm in my 40's, he's in his 50's so we both have a number of serious relationships under our belts where independence and space were issues, and we are both determined not to tread on each other's toes in those ways. We don't live together and never will I imagine. We may even marry one day but we still wouldn't live together! It is possible to meet someone as fiercely independent as yourself and to hold on to your own lifestyle whilst also letting someone in to be as intimate and companionable as you can each handle.

    I suppose that the best step you could take so as not to fall into that kind of relationship again is to be determined not to live with someone and tell a person up front that the thought of it horrifies you!


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