Is "finding it hard to make time" an excuse or a way of letting me down gently?

LegacyUser

Hi all, been seeing a guy for the last month. I'm 27 and he is 26. Things had been going really well with us. Admittedly he has been doing most of the work between texting, contact and arranging dates. We live an hour from each other so normally meet half way. On our last date which was the 6th we basically told each other we liked each other and we're both happy with how things were. Last weekend I was gone away Friday and Saturday night and had half arranged to meet Sunday when I came home but nothing was set in stone as he had a family thing and I wasn't sure what time I'd be back. He texted Saturday morning to say he couldn't make it Sunday. I texted back that was no problem and maybe some evening during the week. He then proceeded to say about how he was finding it very hard to find time for us to see each other and while he wanted us to continue on seeing each other he was wondering if it was unfair of him to not be able to commit to anything.

The messages were left there and this week he texted wondering if we would work out. I said I wasn't demanding seeing him the whole time and I understand January will be a very busy month for him as he has an exam and the sport his plays is very busy throughout the month. Just said to him I thought we got on well and since I only ended it with someone in September I wasn't in a rush to commit to anything. He said he would love to stay seeing each other but he didn't want to get too heavy into something he finds it hard to make time for and this weekend was gone again and only suited him to meet Sunday and I can't as have a family occasion. I just said that I am off a good bit over the Christmas holidays and I can meet up if he wants and he knows where I stand on things so I didn't need to say more. He then replied that he would love to meet up over Christmas and he would definitely make time for it and be looked forward to it and messages ended pretty well.

Now the sceptic in me is wondering if he is letting me down gently. I felt the whole having no time thing came out of nowhere as on our last date he was the one who suggested we could maybe meet up during the week as well as weekends. And then one week later he is on about not having much time but still wanting to see me. I will be letting him contact me as I feel he needs to initiate things. I am questioning if I should have said we were better to leave things but then a part of me feels he is being very genuine as he has been up to now. We have both said we like each other and there is definitely something there between us so in a way I am prepared to give it until he is finished his exam in January, if we even get that far, and see if we see each other more regularly. Or maybe I should just cut my losses as I hear people saying all the time that having less time to see someone is an excuse and you can always find time if you are interested. Any advice or perspective is welcome.

zoobizoo

Sounds like he is just laying out his concerns in the open.

He wants to meet up when you're both free over Christmas.

Merkin

There is a conflicting message in your list OP. Because on the one hand you're saying you're in no rush to make any commitment yet there is a clear anxiety too as to where you stand. You've categorically told him you're not really looking for anything but it seems that you sort of are. Which is it? Because wanting to take it slow and casual is one thing but I'd also avoid any statements about commitment or lack thereof when you don't seem entirely clear yourself.

LegacyUser

Op here
I see what you're saying about conflicting message. The reason I am a bit anxious about it is because I don't know if he is using the time thing as an excuse for letting me down gently or if he is genuine about it. If he is genuine and we see each other whenever we can over the holidays that is ok for me at the moment. But then I am anxious because part of me thinks he just wants to phase me out and In all honesty I would be upset if this was the case. Whether or not the time issue came up I wouldn't be ready for relationship with him just yet as relationship that I ended was over two years. I guess my anxiety is from wondering if he is being truthful in what he says or not as I like him quite a bit and would like to see where things go. Hope that clears things up.

Ursus Horribilis

Reading your replies, I have to say I'd be nervous about dating you. You sound like the one who's not quite sure what she wants. I wonder is this coming across to him?

Rekop dog

You're all over the place. Non committal and needy at the same time. Also why are you waiting on him to initiate everything? If you're somewhat confused about his intentions imagine how confused he must be by you.

So much overthinking and game playing these days.

Shrap

Notsure15 wrote: »

Op here
I see what you're saying about conflicting message. The reason I am a bit anxious about it is because I don't know if he is using the time thing as an excuse for letting me down gently or if he is genuine about it. If he is genuine and we see each other whenever we can over the holidays that is ok for me at the moment. But then I am anxious because part of me thinks he just wants to phase me out and In all honesty I would be upset if this was the case. Whether or not the time issue came up I wouldn't be ready for relationship with him just yet as relationship that I ended was over two years. I guess my anxiety is from wondering if he is being truthful in what he says or not as I like him quite a bit and would like to see where things go. Hope that clears things up.

If you haven't invested that much in each other yet, but are both happy (apparently) to continue seeing each other when you can with no major commitment issues, then let sleeping dogs lie until you know more.

Sounds to me like you are anxious because you're developing feelings for him and you are already trying to limit getting hurt. If you hadn't invested feelings already, then waiting to see what happened shouldn't bother you too much.

LegacyUser

Op again.
I don't understand how I am coming across as needy here. I have been seeing a guy for a month, had 6 dates that have gone really well and was told he liked me, wanted to up our dates to twice a week and he told his friends and cousins about me so fair to say I got the impression he was really interested. Then I am told out of the blue somewhat that he is finding it hard to make time and doesn't want to commit to something to heavy that he finds it hard to make time for. That leaves me a bit confused about his intentions and posted on here just wondering if anyone had any advice or views on the situation.
My last relationship ended as he never put me first and would see me only after he saw everyone else and often went two weeks without seeing each other which wasn't right to me.
I like this guy, maybe more than I am willing to admit and was hoping we would continue seeing each other and see what happened. We both said we were happy to take things slowly and enjoy meeting up. Now he has mentioned about having so little time and not able to commit to anything much out of the blue it has me wondering if he is phasing me out.
I haven't heard from him since Tuesday and we were in contact everyday or every second day for the last month and a bit. I'm sort of worried that he has lost interest but just won't say it.

Sleepy

Is his dating profile still active on the site you met on?

If it is, you have your answer I reckon.