Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

alcohol is the only thing that makes me want to socialize

  • 14-12-2015 11:38PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    So my problem is that I suffer with social anxiety and drink is the only thing that helps remotely. I have tried anti-depressants and they didn't work. I can't do CBT because I don't have the money for it. The only thing that ever makes me remotely comfortable around most people is alcohol. When I don't drink, I'm quiet, irritable and keep to myself, except when I meet with my only good friend for a coffee because I don't experience any anxiety around him.

    I go red extremely easily and generally avoid people as much as possible, especially those more extroverted than me. But as soon as I have 1 or 2 beers, I become the person I want to be. I can go to the bar, interact and not worry about going red or struggling to make conversation.

    I am 25 years old now and running out of time to deal with this issue which has blighted me since I was 15. I coped in school because I was lucky enough to be around a few good friends people all of the time so my shyness never got too bad, well not as bad as it is now.

    Unfortunately the problem worsened significantly throughout college and I spent my college life as a hermit, keeping to myself almost completely.

    I have literally missed out on what everyone says are the best days of their lives. It's not as if I wasn't alive or doing anything in those times, I had a girlfriend for 3 years and kept in touch with my mates weekly - but we always drank together. But now i'm single and my friends are becoming more distant as they settle down with partners and my problem is getting worse.

    I am unemployed and thus don't get much practise with overcoming my anxiety seeing as most of my interaction is either done with my mate who I'm not shy around or with others while i'm drinking. At this point I feel like I wouldn't even be able to cope with going through an interview to get a job. I wish I could be the same sober as I am tipsy or drunk. I really don't understand why I act all irritable and anti-social without drink and content and happy without it. No other substance does that for me.

    I don't know what help I'm looking for, is all hope lost at 25 though?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey OP,

    I was the same as you at that age.

    Redness was always a problem for me - still is sometimes.

    I hated interviews, hated them. But you know, the more I did, the better I got at them.

    First start is to get a copy of The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. It will teach you the basics of CBT and help you to reframe the way you think.

    Are your parents understanding... as in, could they pay for you to go to talk to someone?

    I found that having things to talk about was what saved me. So, start getting interested in things. What are your hobbies? What do you like to do?

    Also, get interested in people - people, in general, like talking about themselves so learn how to ask questions that will allow them to talk.

    As a therapist of mine said "Fake it Until you Make it"... other people do that successfully.

    As for alcohol, yeah it's a social lubricant and you are not the only one who uses it as a crutch - I think the nation does the same.


Advertisement