Too Much To Deal With

LegacyUser

I'm not sure where to start. There ate a few tough things which would be difficult to deal with on their own - but they're all happening at once.

My dad is dying. He's just been taken into a hospice and is in a bad way. We don't know how long he has left and he's not with it most of the time. It's tough to see him like this.

My mother is losing her mind and seems to be in the early stages of dementia or alzheimers. We're waiting for follow up tests to see exactly what's going on.

My wife is expecting our 2nd baby any day now as we're a week overdue

I'm having a tough time in work. Relatively new job that I'm struggling with. Not only the work itself but also the boss is difficult to deal with. I'm really not enjoying it.

I'm not sure how I feel. My father has been sick for a long time and has been getting worse over time but it's still such a shock. I'm sad with him dying but at least he won't be suffering any more. He's had no quality of life for a good while now and has been in pain (physically, mentally & emotionally) for a long time.

It's so hard to see him and I find myself hoping for something to come up to keep me from visiting him. I know it sounds terrible but I don't want to see him like this. But then I'd never forgive myself for not being there.

My mother is now home alone & I'm worried about her. She's so forgetful and is beginning to get confused at times. She won't stay with us so I'm trying to keep an eye on her as much as I can.

All this time I'm on standby for a phone call from the wife that she's gone into labour.

I'm obviously looking forward to this baby arriving but it's bitter sweet with everything else that's going on.

My emotions are all over the place. I'm up & down and I'm not sure how i should be feeling. Sometimes I find myself wishing that my dad dying would just be done & over with as bad as it sounds.

Hopefully 2016 will be better all round

rtron

Jez dude - really feel for ya here. Is there any one to help out. I mean a sister/brother if you know someone is with your dad/mum then you being there for your Wife and kids when the time comes to have the Baby will help.

Do reach out to family and friends for help if you can.

Its been a few days since your post if you have had your second child congrats.

LegacyUser

OP I'm pregnant with baby no.2 and I started a new job at the same time.Stress does not begin to describe what I felt.I can only imagine how you are feeling.
Do the hospice have someone you can talk to?Usually they do all-round care, family and the individual.Please visit your GP or the like, because I think you could really do with talking to someone.Please don't be afraid to ask for help because you have so much going on.It's really tough to deal with even one of those things never mind all together.Your GP might have some practical suggestions about who might help you out, or some home help when the baby arrives or something.Best of luck and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Emme

<SNIP>

Shrap

Ah, poor you Life is so bloody hard at times and the most extraordinary amount of stress can be thrown at you in such a short time-frame. OP, the suggestion above about talking to someone at the hospice (at least) for support is a good one, as is the W.I.N. suggestion.

Priorities.

a) Hopefully your job can be just ticking over for the next while without you having to pull out all the stops for it. If not, and they are expecting super-man to turn up every morning, I really think you should visit whoever does HR and lay out what's going on for you at the moment.

b) Awful as this sounds, your Dad is getting the best palliative care possible right now and is in the right place, whether you can be there or not. You can't be there all the time and if you haven't any other siblings, then other relatives and friends should be able to make daily visits when you can't.....if he's up to the visits. My aunt recently died when I wasn't there at the hospice - she didn't want us sitting at her bedside anyway, but I did struggle so hard with guilt around not being there. All I can say is that the hospice staff are the most big hearted and comforting people on the face of the earth and he's in good hands while you're not there.

c) Your Mum needs help. If she won't stay with you, that may be a blessing in a way as if this is the early stages of a progressively difficult disease like Alzheimers, then the last thing that will help any of you is to have to have your young family in lock-down if your mother becomes more of a danger to herself. If you don't have the time to take on seeking care for her, then can your partner? And I'm only talking about getting the ball rolling with alerting the public health nurse about your fears about her isolation/forgetfulness. They will advise you from there, but it takes someone to liaise between the different care options. You sound too busy, tbh.

d) Your next baby may have arrived already as I type, since we're a few days on since you posted! If so, then I hope mother and baby are doing great, but I want you to remember that if that is the case, having a new baby is not an affliction and your wife is probably well able to take on some other important priorities such as mentioned above. You're not alone in this OP, although because of your grief and all the uncertainty, it must feel like you need to do it all.

Stay strong. This too shall pass. Sadly, we can't hold back the tide but we can go with the flow and keep the head above water somehow! (so many metaphors, sorry!)

x