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A chocolate nightmare: the world is running out of cocoa beans!!

  • 05-12-2015 2:57pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭


    I seem to be late to the party here, as it seems that it's been known for a while that the world is running out of cocoa beans.

    Here's a link: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/nov/21/cocoa-crisis-world-chocolate-stash-melting-away

    A friend informed me of this horrific and terrifying news yesterday and I've been plagued by it ever since, I'm thinking of creating a chocolate hoard, but I'll have to hide it from myself, and when the chocolate apocalypse hits I'll have enough stores to see me through the chocolate famine. I could also sell chocolate to the highest bidder and make myself a tidy sum, become a chocolate dealer or baron, if you will.

    So, people of AH, have I terrified you now? Will you run to the shops and start stocking up on chocolate already, to weather the chocolate drought that's coming? How much do you love chocolate? Or are you some kind of freak who is indifferent to its cocaine-like charms?


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    Don't really get the love for chocolate at all. It's just sugar and mashed beans.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,205 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Yep, I am a non-chocolate person, it gives me migraines. I haven't eaten chocolate in about 15 years.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    Don't really get the love for chocolate at all. It's just sugar and mashed beans.

    I will never understand you! :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,370 ✭✭✭✭Son Of A Vidic


    That's all us men need. Because I envisage a world filled with rabid women, kind of a par with The Walking Dead. As their monthly cycle kicks in and they go on a murderous hunt for Chocolate. Once Zero Day arrives, I reckon all us men will be extinct within 3-4 months.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Crisps dipped in chocolate?
    Why wasn't I informed of this?


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,570 ✭✭✭The Sidewards Man


    People will just increase their intake of MacDonalds to compensate.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    That's all us men need. Because I envisage a world filled with rabid women, kind of a par with The Walking Dead. As their monthly cycle kicks in and they go on a murderous hunt for Chocolate. Once Zero Day arrives, I reckon all us men will be extinct within 3-4 months.

    Come to me and I'll give you a good price, you'll be extremely popular with the ladies when you are one of the few men with a supply of the good stuff!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    This shortage is largely due to the rising popularity of dark chocolate which contains a good deal more cocoa than traditional chocolate bars

    Yes, Dark Chocolate, it's for people who like milk Chocolate but wish it tasted disgusting.

    Creamy, Sweet and delicious, I'll pass thanks, bring on the bitter!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,370 ✭✭✭✭Son Of A Vidic


    Medusa22 wrote: »
    Come to me and I'll give you a good price, you'll be extremely popular with the ladies when you are one of the few men with a supply of the good stuff!!

    PM sent.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,205 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    The only chocolate I miss is almond magnums. sigh


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 40,061 ✭✭✭✭Harry Palmr


    Grow more chocolate! Under cover.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    Grow more chocolate! Under cover.

    Hmm, interesting, I didn't think of this. I wonder how I'd fare as a cocoa bean farmer.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,618 ✭✭✭✭kneemos


    Kraft have been making a substitute for years now.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 178 ✭✭BenedrylPete


    That's all us men need. Because I envisage a world filled with rabid women, kind of a par with The Walking Dead. As their monthly cycle kicks in and they go on a murderous hunt for Chocolate. Once Zero Day arrives, I reckon all us men will be extinct within 3-4 months.

    time to stock up on the chocolate sauce.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    most women usually have a years supply in their handbags anyway...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    most women usually have a years supply in their handbags anyway...

    I don't, it doesn't last that long! Any chocolate I buy, I eat. Perhaps I am single-handedly causing this chocolate crisis :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,969 ✭✭✭Mesrine65


    Have no fear, carob will save the day...

    Carob is a tropical pod that is derived from a tree in the Mediterranean.

    Its pulp is roasted & ground into a fine powder that tastes very similar to cocoa powder.

    Carob is naturally low in fat, high in fiber, contains calcium & unlike cocoa or chocolate, does not contain caffeine or theobromine (a good alternative to those who are sensitive to caffeine or migraines).

    It is naturally less bitter than cocoa, so it does not need additional sweetening.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    Medusa22 wrote: »
    I don't, it doesn't last that long! Any chocolate I buy, I eat. Perhaps I am single-handedly causing this chocolate crisis :pac:

    ive got three sisters who hoard chocolate,its ridiculous,i often wonder when there on there own are they like augustus in willy wonka or that nun out of father ted


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 269 ✭✭Public_Enema


    Well I now have to head out and buy half a tonne of chocolate after reading this thread.


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Mesrine65 wrote: »
    Have no fear, carob will save the day...

    Carob is a tropical pod that is derived from a tree in the Mediterranean.

    Its pulp is roasted & ground into a fine powder that tastes very similar to cocoa powder.

    Carob is naturally low in fat, high in fiber, contains calcium & unlike cocoa or chocolate, does not contain caffeine or theobromine (a good alternative to those who are sensitive to caffeine or migraines).

    It is naturally less bitter than cocoa, so it does not need additional sweetening.

    You can't fob me off with your carob crap. :(

    I've tasted carob, its not chocolate. It doesn't taste like proper chocolate, it's nothing but a cheap pretender to the chocolate throne. If on perhaps two or three days of the month, some kamikaze person gave me carob and told me it was chocolate, that person would be sorry. A really lot.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,969 ✭✭✭Mesrine65


    Candie wrote: »
    You can't fob me off with your carob crap. :(

    I've tasted carob, its not chocolate. It doesn't taste like proper chocolate, it's nothing but a cheap pretender to the chocolate throne. If on perhaps two or three days of the month, some kamikaze person gave me carob and told me it was chocolate, that person would be sorry. A really lot.
    Never say never Candie...

    When you're tweaking for chocolate & there just ain't any left coz Medusa22's bogarted it all...you'll be wanting my carob then I tells ya :eek: ;):p


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,162 ✭✭✭strelok


    the era of cheap cocoa might be coming to an end but if the price rises enough all that's going to happen is more people are going to get into the cocoa growing business, there will be no shortage


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    Mesrine65 wrote: »
    Never say never Candie...

    When you're tweaking for chocolate & there just ain't any left coz Medusa22's bogarted it all...you'll be wanting my carob then I tells ya :eek: ;):p

    Oh Candie is a very special lady, she will be getting a chocolate supply for free from me ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 68 ✭✭Dr.Robotnik


    I love chocolate, especially with tea, cant have one without the other!
    Buuuut...I could live without it! :o

    Crisps on the other hand, the mere thought of them ceasing to exist has my nerves shot!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    I love chocolate, especially with tea, cant have one without the other!
    Buuuut...I could live without it! :o

    Crisps on the other hand, the mere thought of them ceasing to exist has my nerves shot!

    I like crisps but I could live without them. I'm a total chocolate addict though, I'd sell my Granda for a chocolate bar, it's a problem :pac: I've actually been eating chocolate since before I had teeth, my nana used to look after me when my mum went back to work and she used to melt chocolate and feed it to me :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,755 ✭✭✭ianobrien


    Well, I read the thread title, screamed NOOO!!!! (very quietly as I'm standing next to an armed police guard in the hotel here). Then I thought "you know, that might be good for the waistline".


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 40,061 ✭✭✭✭Harry Palmr


    Carob is just appalling - like so called Diabetic chocolate.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    Last january I quit smoking, drinking and chocolate for the month. By far chocolate was the hardest to quit...I was having mad cravings all together.
    I dont even eat that much of it normally...but seemed to have gotten hooked on it over christmas.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,431 ✭✭✭MilesMorales1


    What's Willy Wonka and the oompa loompa's got to say about it?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,452 ✭✭✭✭The_Valeyard


    Pretty sure America will declare war and invade.


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Mesrine65 wrote: »
    Never say never Candie...

    When you're tweaking for chocolate & there just ain't any left coz Medusa22's bogarted it all...you'll be wanting my carob then I tells ya :eek: ;):p

    Read that as twerking for chocolate, was thinking 'there's two of Mesrines suggestions on a hiding to nowhere!'

    Medusa won't hide the choccy from me, not when I flash her my dimples. :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    Candie wrote: »
    Read that as twerking for chocolate, was thinking 'there's two of Mesrines suggestions on a hiding to nowhere!'

    Medusa won't hide the choccy from me, not when I flash her my dimples. :P

    I read that as 'nipples' first, the disappointment :( :pac:


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