Will he choose me???

Could_b_worse

Dunno where to start or if I am looking for advise or just to write this down.Met a guy midyear at a party n we hit it of straight away.we had the same interest,both not in a relationship for a long time n both have a teenager at home to deal with.

Things were great for a longtime till one day about 3 months later I woke up n realised I have fallen head first in love with him n it scared the hell outta me.first time I told him anyway he just said he didnt like giving labels to feelings,which I thought was ok but a few weeks later he,told me he was in love with me n I was on top of the world.met his friends his family etc n have never been happier.

However at some point I noticed a change .less txts or whole weekends with no word etc.spoke to him about it n usual tired,work,finances story till eventually he cane clean n admitted he had"feelings fir his best mates missus" naturrally I was in shock n extremely hurt n in a few sec with one sentence my whole world collapsed.to cut a long story short I still love him very very much.broke it off for a few weeks n did nothing but cry n drink. He says she feels the same way n eventually she got around to telling her partner who is equally devasted.he in turn asked my guy to take a step back and allow them to work on thier relationship.meanwhile I am hust in the background waiting for someone to tell me where I stand.if she chooses my bf over her family I know he will be gone.but if she doesnt I will always know I was his sec option( backup plan) n that really really hurts.

I still love him though n every part of my brain tell me to cut ties but I just cant n I know if he walj through my door I will welcome him with open arms.I feel like running away sometimes quiting my job n starting afresh somewhere far from here but I cant get myself to take the first step.I am just holding on n hoping he picks me.

The Hill Billy

Moved to RI from East.

tHB

tea and coffee

As much as you love him, you shouldn't have to wait to be "picked " by him. He fell for his best friend's wife? And clearly had an affair with her on you, and on his mate.
He sounds like he wants his cake and to.eat it.
To see if it works out and have you as a backup plan if it doesn't.
You deserve better than that. And it sounds like he's already gone. Chin up. This guy wasn't worth it. Look after yourself. I'm sure you'll find someone else much better who deserves you.

Could_b_worse

Thanks T and C.wish it didnt hurt so much!!!

beks101

Could_b_worse wrote: »

I am just in the background waiting for someone to tell me where I stand.if she chooses my bf over her family I know he will be gone.but if she doesnt I will always know I was his sec option( backup plan) n that really really hurts.

Jesus woman, where's your self respect? Some lad you've been seeing a FEW MONTHS has been cheating on you - with his best mate's partner no less - class act right there - and you're sitting there waiting for his next move to decide what happens next in your life?

How about this - "fcuk right off if you think I'm going to sit here and justify your scumbag moves against me and against one of your BEST FRIENDS, and wait in the wings while your little illicit affair makes up her mind about you"?

How about "you're a lying cheating prick with zero loyalty and a major moral deficit and if you come within 50 metres of my house again or bombard me with phone calls there'll be hell to pay"?

Could_b_worse wrote: »

I still love him though n every part of my brain tell me to cut ties but I just cant n I know if he walj through my door I will welcome him with open arms.

Sometimes listening to your heart is the best move: this is not one of those scenarios. This guy is a threat to your self esteem and your self image (who wants to be the fallback option? Really?) and any love you feel for him is far, far less important than that. Love someone who cares about you instead. Love someone who wants the best for you. Love someone who thinks you're wonderful and thinks they're lucky to have you and wouldn't dream of risking losing you. Or love yourself.

Delete, delete, delete this chap out of your life and don't respond to any attempts at reconciliation no matter what happens down the line. You're strong enough to do it - your gut instinct is already trying to steer you away. Nothing good can come from this.

tcif

Could_b_worse wrote: »

...waiting for someone to tell me where I stand.if she chooses my bf over her family I know he will be gone.but if she doesnt I will always know I was his sec option( backup plan) n that really really hurts.

So you're waiting in the hope that if he doesn't get his first choice he'll settle for you?

I'm not trying to be cruel in my choice of words, OP, I'm trying to put it baldly so you'll see it for what it is and hopefully realize you'd be mad to want or accept a life of second fiddle. Stop waiting for someone to tell you where you stand - take your own stand and move on and find someone who wants to put you first.

Shrap

Look, the man is clearly a total car-crash if he has got this going on with his best friend's wife and hasn't the bollix to tell you to walk.

You really need to see him for what he is. I spent waay too long once waiting for a guy to cop on about something, with my heart broke over it. Till my head won (thankfully) and I started to pity and despise him over it. That's (of course) when he "didn't know what he had till it was gone" and begged me to take him back. No. Just no. Don't do it to yourself OP - get over him, and fast. Think yourself out of this or you may end up with this train-wreck of a fella and zero self-esteem to boot.

Be strong. Go out on the tear with your friends, tell them everything, weep buckets, get the fcuk over him.

screamer

OP you're not in love with him you're in love with the ideal of him. You need to separate those 2 things and fast. I feel from reading your post that you are lonely and probably delighted when you met someone who had an interest in you. That's totally understandable. But what isn't is that knowing he has questionable morals, is untrustworthy (ask his best mate) you'd take him anyways. If you do that he'll know its a free pass to treat you anyway he likes. He's a player and you'll spend your life wondering who is he out trying it on with every day of your life. Is someone like that worth crying over? Dont waste 1 tear, better to be happy alone than miserable together. Youve had a lucky escape and in time you'll see that yourself.

mapaca

This man cheated on you and dumped you for someone else - his best friend's wife no less. I know you still love him, but he doesn't love you, I'm sorry. I know it's difficult when your feelings are so strong and your hopes are high. But you deserve better than this guy.

You do not have to sit around and wait to find out if you're to be this guy's second best. Go out and have fun, confide in your friends, get into the Christmas buzz, keep busy. There will be someone else out there for you who will love and respect you, and who won't have eyes for anyone else. Look after yourself.

heretochat

I would have to say that my reaction is exactly the same as Beks'

For the love of God find your self respect and forget about this guy. You are prepared to welcome him with open arms knowing that you are only his second choice (at best).

The world is a big place with a lot of decent guys in it. Please for your own sake look for one of them and cut this loser out of your life

kylith

Are you really willing to be someone's second best? And I guarantee that he will always be on the lookout for someone 'better'. Tell him to sling his hook, delete him off everything, and go out there and be amazing and find someone who sees how amazing you are.

Could_b_worse

Thanks people,reading back my own thread ,I am ashamed at how desperate n pathetic I sound.time to dust myself off n try n rebuild myself into the syrong confident independant woman I always thought I was.I do know I deserve better n.I seriously hope there is someone out there but for now just have to just be me.

Shrap

Could_b_worse wrote: »

,I am ashamed at how desperate n pathetic I sound

Good to hear you're determined to walk away OP, but don't be too hard on yourself. You're not the first and won't be the last to be in love with someone who didn't deserve it (and that situation makes everyone sound desperate and pathetic, believe me)! Onwards and upwards, eh?

squonk

Hang in there OP. It's going to be shít for a while but you'll emerge stonger, winser and more capable. You've dodged a bullet. If he cheated on you for his friend's wife you'd really have been stuck with him carrying on the same every time he left the house. total loser. Chalk it up to experience and you'll be fine after a bit.

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

How about "you're a lying cheating prick with zero loyalty and a major moral deficit and if you come within 50 metres of my house again or bombard me with phone calls there'll be hell to pay"?

Beks, as always is right in what she's saying. Even his own admission to you is like a get out of jail free card. He's thinking he has back up if the one he wants falls through..

As many have said, don't be that person. Why should you? When this all falls to s&&t for him, don't be the one to welcome him back, his heart will never be in it and you know that

xx

Sound Bite

I hope for your sake he doesn't choose you cos he sounds like a really horrible person.

He has no regard for anyone but himself. Cheating is a sign of a particularly selfish person but cheating with best friend's wife is the lowest of the low.

I'm single and can't say I'm thrilled about it but surely being single is much better than being with someone who has zero respect for you. He sounds like an absolute scumbag, you can do better than that

CaraMay

Gosh he's an awful dog. Bad enough to cheat on his new gf but to double cross his best friend like that. He's rotten to the core. Run like the wind

strandroad

His actions show a person with no integrity whatsoever. Be grateful for your resolve to dump him and one day you'll look back at this situation and see how pathetic his actions were!

screamer

Could_b_worse wrote: »

Thanks people,reading back my own thread ,I am ashamed at how desperate n pathetic I sound.time to dust myself off n try n rebuild myself into the syrong confident independant woman I always thought I was.I do know I deserve better n.I seriously hope there is someone out there but for now just have to just be me.

You're not desperate and pathetic OP and that sort of thinking will do nothing for your confidence so please don't think that way. Believe in yourself and believe you are worth more than being sloppy seconds to some gob****e. Get your hair done stick your glad rags on and get out there and cast your net. As my dear old gran used to tell me there's someone for everyone you just have to find them. Chin up and all the best.