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Can a relationship come back from a mistake?

  • 30-11-2015 9:49pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys,
    This is probably going to be a long post.

    I've been going out with this girl for 4 years. On Saturday night, she was out in Carlow. Ended up going back to house party. She ended up talking to some italian guy and they ended up kissing but she does not know for how long. I was at work all day on Sunday so only found out last night (in fairness, she told me straight away on the phone).

    To be honest I am devestated. This is totally out of character for her. We lived together for a year until July when she moved back to Irleand for family reasons. I knew long distance was hard but I didn't think it would end up with her cheating( Is it really cheating or could it be a mistake?)

    Like if it was a mistake, how come she didn't stop immediately. She seems to be blaming drink but my thinking is drink didn't make her kiss this guy.

    I am flying back to Dublin this weekend and we are staying in a hotel to discuss what we are going to do.

    I feel so messed up at the moment. I am currently doing a masters as well as holding down a full time job.

    Can a relationship come back from a mistake like this?


Comments

  • #2
    Ann84
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 303 ✭✭Ann84


    Yes it can, if you want it to. I was in your shoes and it sucks but I think your gut knows if you want it to work, if you believe it was a mistake and if you love her.
    You said it's totally out of character, and she came clean so you may well be able to trust her again in time.
    I was angry for weeks, we spent a lot of time taking about it and it was about a month before I could say I could move on from it. One thing I will say is that if you are going to forgive her, you will have to do just that, if you do want to work it out, you really will have to decide that it was a mistake, that you can trust her and work towards that.
    If you say your over it, but bring it up in every argument and harbour mistrust and resentment you might as well call it a day!
    I suggest you spend the weekend chatting about it all, and be angry and cry and all the other emotions, see what she has to say and then go home and spend some time apart to think about it and see if you can forgive her, it can work out, but it depends on such a number of things, best of luck


  • #3
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    If they were at a house party and she "doesnt know how long" they were kissing there is a large chance she slept with him. Personally i would end it.

    Chin up.


  • #4
    Virgil°
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,466 ✭✭✭Virgil°


    Yeah I think it depends on two things really.

    1. Not to worry you but if shes gonna say it was the drink and she doesn't remember exactly how it all happened or for how long then there really could be a lot more to this story. Do you trust shes telling the full truth?

    2. How remorseful was she in telling you? In a case like this I'd accept nothing short of a grovelling apology and a solemn promise that she'll never do this again.

    I agree with you on the drink part OP. I think in scenarios like this it doesn't affect people as much as they claim it does. In any relationship I've had, the ones I wanted to stay in anyway, drink never ever made me cheat, or even consider it, and I've been in some sorry states. Thats just me though.

    Going forward OP only you can decide if you're capable of putting it behind you. It's fine if you decide you can't or can. At the very least if your gf is gonna blame the drink I think she should agree to cut back on her drinking severely if not entirely.

    Best of luck OP.


  • #5
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    I think it depends on her actions now

    If she is full of remorse and appears to be sorry for the mistake you can definitely fix this issue. LD is hard and I'm sure this Italian guy probably made a pass and she might have been too drunk to stop. If this was the case I would ask her for more details, I don't drink but from my understanding you don't black out while kissing someone. Make sure it was just kissing.

    On the other hand, if she is nonchalant about the whole incident and isn't making an effort to resolve your worries it could be an indication that there are bigger problems in the relationship and it might be worth making a decision about the future of your relationship.

    I know it's heart breaking, but at least she was up front and honest with you, I think if she had any feelings for this guys she would be trying to hide it from you.

    Best of luck and hope it works out.


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