Coming home worries

R.D. aka MR.D

Hello!

I thought we could have a thread for worries.

I'll go first:

My number one worry is finding an apartment in Dublin. I'm returning with my American husband in March 2016. So obviously he doesn't have Irish work or landlord references and my Dublin references are from my college days so well over 6 years old.

My second worry is fitting back in. I really hope people are more used to people coming back but a recent thread in AH showed me that people still think that people with a slightly different accent are 'putting it on'. I've been gone almost 4 years so I know I've changed. I just hope I'm able to get back into the way things go.

Lastly, I'm worried about my OH getting on. I just hope that he likes it. I know it's not my responsibility to ensure that he's living his life but I do worry about it. We've moved to 2 different countries together and I've never felt that way before but for some reason because it's my home country, I feel more responsible. It's probably silly.

So that's it! I'm looking forward to way more than I'm worried about so that's good.

fits

Im just worried about getting a job! Preferably in same province as my husband.

statina

Great to have this sub forum!

Main thing is getting work! And then after that, hoping i will enjoy the work. Been working in an area of my profession that doesnt exist in ireland due to different legislation. The area i have been working in for the past 2 years offers opportunity after opportunity so will be interesting to see how i settle back into the usual career area. Will have to adjust to the fairly steep pay gap compared to where i am now. Then hoping i will settle back ok and fit in again.

gar32

My worry is will I ever get to come back home. Rent price compared to pay in Dublin is crazy. I would need a 3 bed and €1600 a month seems unmanageable.

I will keep doing the lotto.

Clampdown

Has your partner visited here much? It can be a hard adjustment. I was born here, raised in America and moved back 8 yrs ago in my 20's. At first I hated it, then I got settled in and liked it but now I want out again.

I love the people here but I wouldn't do it again, compared to the US there is such a lack of good opportunities, lack of organization in, well, everything, and everything seems more expensive and so much of life here revolves around alcohol. I'm sick of it, and want to get out again and never come back. And that's from someone who doesn't even mind the weather!

While Dublin has a lot more going on employment wise, etc, to me the best part of Ireland besides the people is the beautiful scenery in the country. I wouldn't move back to live in a dirty city with NYC level rents, you could stay in the US for that. But the nice country areas have far less employment opportunities.

However, if your husband works in IT or medical field or some field where he can get a good job, and he likes going for pints, having chats with friendly randomers and if he is excited about it, give it a shot.

Not trying to trash Ireland but your partner being happy will really be the most important factor in whether the move works out IMO. Best of luck!

InTheTrees

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

So obviously he doesn't have Irish work or landlord references and my Dublin references are from my college days so well over 6 years old.

Landlord references are informal enough that getting one from an american landord would probably be okay wouldnt it?

A copy of your credit report, a letter from a US landlord saying you were reliable (and including way to contact them), might go a long way.

R.D. aka MR.D

Clampdown wrote: »

Has your partner visited here much? It can be a hard adjustment. I was born here, raised in America and moved back 8 yrs ago in my 20's. At first I hated it, then I got settled in and liked it but now I want out again.



Not trying to trash Ireland but your partner being happy will really be the most important factor in whether the move works out IMO. Best of luck!

That's a really interesting perspective. When you say lack of good opportunities what do you mean?

He's never visited Ireland but he's been living in Asia for over 4 years and definitely doesn't want to return to the States and I wholeheartedly agree with him. I think he'll be fine with the alcohol because he loves drinking and one reason that we are moving home is that Asia is the home of socially awkward expats and cold locals! Having pints and a chat are definitely important.



But what you say about opportunities is intriguing because that is definitely something that might annoy him. He's read online that some Americans find it hard to get jobs but I don't have any first hand experience of that obviously. The info that I can see online from American expats in Ireland are usually study abroad, gap year types or retirees. Other blogs are Americans who have come with an American spouse. It's actually been very eye opening for me to read a lot of the stuff because I've been living as an ex-pat for 4 years in various places, I've never thought about the experiences of expats in Ireland!

R.D. aka MR.D

InTheTrees wrote: »

Landlord references are informal enough that getting one from an american landord would probably be okay wouldnt it?

A copy of your credit report, a letter from a US landlord saying you were reliable (and including way to contact them), might go a long way.

Thanks a million for this. I think that a copy of his credit report would be an excellent idea. I'd never thought of that.

Suaimhneach

Most irish landlords wont know how to read a US credit score, but a bank might write a letter. And they will certainly accept references from US landlords and employers.

I look at daft ALL the time (whenever I cant sleep) and the quality varies greatly in Dublin for apartments so it's a real pain. Every now and then you can find a gem. My current plan, and it worked for a friend who came back recently, is to rent somewhere temporary for three months while you find a better place.

Am also generally worried about fitting back in, only 3.5 years for us so far, but so much has changed.

R.D. aka MR.D

Suaimhneach wrote: »

I look at daft ALL the time (whenever I cant sleep) and the quality varies greatly in Dublin for apartments so it's a real pain. Every now and then you can find a gem..

I look on there every few days and I have been since we decided to move which was back in July this year. I see plenty of places that look good.

But I'm wondering if it is a case of the good places get snapped up as soon as they go online. People also say they are far too expensive but I see grand places in good locations for 1,100 euro a month. That's less than we pay here for a terrible location. So, I have no idea if people are talking about these places or what am I missing.

Clampdown

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

That's a really interesting perspective. When you say lack of good opportunities what do you mean?

He's never visited Ireland but he's been living in Asia for over 4 years and definitely doesn't want to return to the States and I wholeheartedly agree with him. I think he'll be fine with the alcohol because he loves drinking and one reason that we are moving home is that Asia is the home of socially awkward expats and cold locals! Having pints and a chat are definitely important.



But what you say about opportunities is intriguing because that is definitely something that might annoy him. He's read online that some Americans find it hard to get jobs but I don't have any first hand experience of that obviously. The info that I can see online from American expats in Ireland are usually study abroad, gap year types or retirees. Other blogs are Americans who have come with an American spouse. It's actually been very eye opening for me to read a lot of the stuff because I've been living as an ex-pat for 4 years in various places, I've never thought about the experiences of expats in Ireland!

Well you will be in Dublin which is much much better than the rest of the country for employment opportunities. And in the capital being American shouldn't hinder him any either. Where I live currently in the Northwest there is still a shocking lack of employment but Dublin is much different.

And you said he loves drinking, and that you think 1,100 per month in rent is a bargain, so you'll probably be absolutely fine! I love visiting Dublin myself, love the buzz of a city having grown in one, but I find it very expensive. I prefer to spend the odd weekend there when I go to a gig or something and living somewhere that has more natural beauty nearby which the Northwest has in spades. But I know plenty of people who do the opposite, live in the city and travel to the more scenic spots on their bank holiday weekends, which sounds nice as well.

A lot of people who work there seem to commute from less central areas to avoid the really high rents, but often they used to live in the city centre at first to get familiar with the city and be able to take advantage of the nightlife, shops, etc with ease, and then they get tired of certain things and want somewhere a bit cheaper and nicer but still a do-able commute to the city and move out a bit farther. Which sounds like a pretty good way to do it.

If you can afford Dublin comfortably I'd say it's a great place to live, most of the problems with it are the same ones you'd find in any major city. For example some people say the Dubs are rude but you hear the same things about New Yorkers. In reality they're not, they just tend to be a bit louder and more upfront because that's what you kind of have to do in a busy city to be heard. I always have great craic with any Dubs I meet up there, they have a great sense of humor most of them.

Also, to clarify, I probably wouldn't move back to the US, either. I prefer Ireland mainly due to the people, it's beauty, and how safe it is. At one point in Philly the gun violence was so prevalent it seemed like your only choice was buy a gun yourself or live in fear. Where I live now I never worry about anything like that at all. Dublin has it's fair share of crime and a heroin problem, but you just have to be careful at night and avoid the dodgy areas, which is the same as any city.

It sounds like your husband might really enjoy it here since he is not thrilled with Asia or the US. So despite what I posted earlier, now that I know a bit more about yourselves I'd say go for it.

R.D. aka MR.D

Clampdown wrote: »

And you said he loves drinking, and that you think 1,100 per month in rent is a bargain, so you'll probably be absolutely fine! I love visiting Dublin myself, love the buzz of a city having grown in one, but I find it very expensive. I prefer to spend the odd weekend there when I go to a gig or something and living somewhere that has more natural beauty nearby which the Northwest has in spades. But I know plenty of people who do the opposite, live in the city and travel to the more scenic spots on their bank holiday weekends, which sounds nice as well.

I know all about the beauty of the Northwest being a Donegal woman myself! We watched a video there a couple of months ago about Donegal and I was going on about how great it was and you can do x, y and z there. Himself was like 'why aren't we moving there then?' and my response was not in a million years! It's so bloody boring! But that's what it is, isn't it? I totally take it for granted because I'm from there. We'll visit Mammy, Daddy and the nephews and nieces every so often and that'll do us.

That's put my mind at ease now, what you said about the opportunities. I lived in Dublin for 5 years so I'm fairly familiar with it although I'm sure it's changed a good bit in the time I've been gone.

For him, he doesn't want to deal with high healthcare costs in the US. He has a a few health issues, not serious but they require regular enough hospital/doctor visits. And don't get me started on his obsession with going to the dentist :P
For me, I love the US. I adore New Mexico and Arizona but the fact that you absolutely have to have a car to get anywhere just annoys the hell out of me, even in the cities. In fairness, I haven't been to the East coast and my OH says it might be more my style.

We've decided to take the plunge and we're moving there after a short trip to the US in about 4 months (to stock up on the essentials like toothpaste and Sabritones). We'll give it 3 years in Ireland and see how it goes. If we don't like it we'll move on again.

Kevhog1988

My biggest worry is securing employment that will allow me cover maintenance, mortgage etc. As it stands i have about 1300 a month i need to pay before i feed myself. This is easily achievabel with the strong sterling but im worried i could find myself unemployed in Ireland.

Also fitting in is a big thing too. I am 5 years left in February and putting it simply people move on. I wouldnt have spoken to some of my old "best friends" in maybe 3 years.

R.D. aka MR.D

theemigrant wrote: »

Also fitting in is a big thing too. I am 5 years left in February and putting it simply people move on. I wouldnt have spoken to some of my old "best friends" in maybe 3 years.

I'm kind of hoping with so many people being away and coming back, there might be a good few people who are in the same position.

Kevhog1988

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I'm kind of hoping with so many people being away and coming back, there might be a good few people who are in the same position.

im the only one who left

Ruu

Just a bit of background, I was very good in school but was never really academically gifted. I just don't learn in that kind of setting. I have taken a number of online things like Lynda.com courses to add to the resume to demonstrate that I do actually know something. Hope that I don't up in a manual labour or factory job setting.

CelticRambler

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

My second worry is fitting back in. I really hope people are more used to people coming back but a recent thread in AH showed me that people still think that people with a slightly different accent are 'putting it on'. I've been gone almost 4 years so I know I've changed. I just hope I'm able to get back into the way things go.

I think the thing there is not to fight it, but to "play the game". Maybe our family is a bit more tolerant, but as far as they're concerned, I'm the nephews'/nieces' "French uncle" and anything I do differently to them is because "he's French". My eldest son learnt to speak while we living in England, so despite more than a decade in France, he still speaks English with what my dad calls his "Prince Charles" accent. We all refer to "the Germans" when talking about my big-little sister and her children, unless they're back in Ireland, in which case they become "the Africans" because the cousins are half-Kenyan!

From my own point of view, whether I'm French in Ireland, or Irish in France, instead of trying to play down my foreign habits, it's generally easier to exaggerate them (when the situation merits it) and deliberately provoke the teasing. That lets the natives get the xenophobia out of their system, then you can carry on with a serious conversation.

Suaimhneach

Ahahahaha, CelticRambler, I love that attitude and how somehow you can make xenophobia seem casual and normal... ah the irish.

I think I've become "posher" in my three years away. I know for sure people are gonna mock me for that.

CelticRambler

I'm the opposite - I've become a real culchie! A real eco-friendly culchie, and it drives me up the walls to see my family wasting food, water, electricity and money. And I tell them ("what are you doing, throwing those leftover in the bin - I'd make two dinners out of that!") :mad:

It works both ways: after the Paris attacks, my mother (a great traveller) was complaining that there'll be nowhere left for her to go soon.
My brother said "You could always go to CR - nothing ever happens there!"
"I'd rather take my chances with the terrorists," says the mammy. :rolleyes:

Suaimhneach

Haha, she sounds gas.

Tom Dunne

I don't know what I've become since I moved away.

Last summer I had what could best be described as a Father Ted moment.

Walking down the street, saw the local parish priest coming towards me. Instead of saying "Good morning, Fr. Michael" I said, in my best, em, Father Ted accent "How'ya fadder" complete with a nod of the head. WTF?? I don't know what came over me.

CelticRambler

I use Fr. Ted to teach "proper" English to friends who says they want to visit Ireland. It has it's limits though. Although technically not a returned emigrant (since he never actually lived there till he started in UCD) and despite liberal exposure to Fr.Ted & Callan's Kicks* prior to his departure, SonNo.1 had terrible trouble dealing with "yer man" telling him about the "yoke" that "yer wan" wanted ...
Which man?
Ah, you know - yer man that you saw in town the other day.
Which town?
Town-town!

* Must add Martin's Life to that list.