My Gay Boyfriend Engaged to Woman

LegacyUser

Hi all,

in absolute turmoil. Not sure what to do, where to go, tried talking to friends and can't seem to get it out... I'm going to try and keep this simple because I'm just going mad with the whole thing.

Been with a guy for over a year. He's not out. We met on a night out in our local pub (big town) and got chatting. Didn't know he was gay but he said he had tickets to a local match and asked me to go which I did. After that, we'd see each other the odd time and eventually got together.

A few things never sat well with me. We'd only see each other on certain days (becuase of him not being out) and at certain times. I kinda have acceoted that that's apart of the scenario in urban (outside of Dublin) Ireland. I've pushed him into doing a few things but we always went back to him not being out.

He is an utter technophobe and he told me that he wouldn't know how to set up an FB. I had a fake one set up for work and one day decided to type his name into FB. I found him and it's obvious he blocked my personal FB. He not only has a GF but they are engaged. I've told him that I know. He tells me if I tell her he'll kill himself. I know the girl, she's friends with my sister but wouldn't be on her page. Tells me he loves me but loves her and wants to marry her. I am in shock.

No idea what to do. I am going mad. I need help. I don't know what to do or who to ask. If I tell her, he might not be all talk and do it, if I don't tell her I lose him (prob shouldn't want him!!!). For f sake.. this is just so messed up. I am an idiot.

We're both in early 30s. I'm not out either but I'd never do that to a girl

njs030

What are your reasons for telling her? When you say "if I don't tell her I'll lose him" it sounds like you think he will stay with you if you break up his engagement- he wont. Either way he is going to end things with you sooner or later op.

I would guess he is bisexual and wants to marry this woman, unfortunately you are not his main relationship she is. Like everyone else in this situation you can choose to walk away or to tell but do be aware it's unlikely she will believe you and probable they will stay together.

The best advice I can give you is to walk away from him with your head held high.

Ann84

OP, either way you loose him because you don't want to be his bit on the side and if you tell her, he will never forgive you anyway whether they break up or not...
The best thing you can do is delete him from your life, take the time to be very angry and sad, and pick yourself up and move on. Anything else at this stage is just going to cause damage to one and/ or both of you, sorry he's not a very nice person and you got caught up in it

Merkin

I think walking away from this is your only option. I can appreciate how hurt you must be but telling this girl won't actually make you feel any better. Regardless of sexuality, the person you have fallen in love with is a liar and a cheat and that's all you need to know. I'd sever all ties with him and just be glad you're not his girlfriend. I really think you need to cut your losses.

LegacyUser

I'd tell her... But that's because my husband cheated on me, and I caught him. She was also married. I told her husband. I don't know whether he believed me or not, but I told him anyway. As far as I know, they are still together.

If my husband drunkenly kissed someone on a night out and immediately regretted it, I probably wouldn't want to know. If he was having an ongoing and continued 'serious' relationship with someone else I would want to be told.. I would then have the option of believing it or not.

I'd tell her.... But that's the mood I'm in with cheaters at the moment!

Sun in Capri

The person you should be most concerned about is YOU. Look at what he has done to you - lied and cheated. Why would you want to stay with a guy like this. I know you are hurt but do what is best for you - walk away from him.

Taltos

Also OP not trying to be alarmist but get yourself screened.
If he's cheating on you both with the other are you sure there aren't more out there?

Cut all ties, ignore his pleas of love, as if he really loved you do you think he'd disrespect you by making you play second fiddle to someone else (that you know of).
And then I'd find someone to talk to as this has to have messed your head and self-worth about and no-one needs that.

mapaca

You need to worry about yourself first and foremost, forget about him and his fiancee for the moment. You've had a bad shock. It would probably help you to talk it over in real life with a friend you can trust. Give yourself time to process what has happened. The hurt is overwhelming now but you can get through this.

This guy has lied and cheated, and is using emotional blackmail to keep you quiet. These are not the actions of a loving partner. Even if you tell his fiancee the truth, I don't see it ending happily for you. You deserve more than being someone's secret bit on the side too. You would be better off to walk away from the whole thing. Look after yourself.

LegacyUser

Op what a horrible and difficult situation to be in. First of all he is not your gay boyfriend, he is a liar, a cheat and leading a double life. You need to end it and look after yourself, I would agree with the other poster get an STI test done, if he's cheating on you then whose to say there are not other guys and gals out there. Best of luck

LegacyUser

In addition to what Taltos says about getting yourself screened, if you have enough concern about your own sexual health to get screened, do you think his gf is owed the same privilege?

This fella is not the person you fell in love with. He was pretending to be someone you could fall in love with. You fell in love with a single, honest, unsure fella. What he actually is, is selfish liar, a cheat, a coward. Someone who has no problem using people and their emotions for his own gain.

Unless you are happy to be the bit on the side then you have already lost this fella. Your relationship with him will never be his main priority. It will never be out in the open. He will never be fully available to you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who wants to be with you. Not someone who fits you in around their 'other' life.

dudara

Take the gay aspect away from this, and it's a classic cheating story, where you are "the bit on the side". He has not been honest with you, and is definitely not being honest with his fiancée.

IMO, the best thing to do is walk away and leave well alone. What benefit is there to telling the fiancée? "Not only was your fiancé cheating on you, he was cheating with another man?" That's not going to make the poor girl feel very good

baby and crumble

Like other posters have said, take his sexuality out of it. He's someone who is fine with cheating on a partner (it's obviously cheating rather than an ok arrangement going by "he'd kill himself") and you're the one he's cheating with. If he's engaged then it's clear she's his primary relationship and that's that. He wants to marry her, so let him.

If I were you I'd cut your losses, break it up and move on. Let him deal with the guilt of cheating on his partner.

Emme

OP, it doesn't matter if he's gay or straight, he's a cheat. If he was straight he would cheat as well. Cut your losses, let him go and get yourself screened for STDs. Then get on with your life.

Lux23

I would just end things with him. As for telling her, you know yourself how difficult some people find it to come out so maybe that really isn't your decision to make. Must have been some shock OP, hope you're Ok.

Idle Passerby

As others have said, your not his boyfriend, your his bit on the side. I think his fiance should be warned that her husband to be is a cheat but it should come from someone nuetral. I wouldnt encourage you to be the one to tell her, your too emotionally involved already and you dont need the trauma of inevitable fallout. Do wash your hands of him though, he's no good.

Dial Hard

dudara wrote: »

What benefit is there to telling the fiancée? "Not only was your fiancé cheating on you, he was cheating with another man?" That's not going to make the poor girl feel very good

Usually I'm firmly in the "don't tell" camp when it comes to informing people that their partner has been cheating. However, I think this woman deserves to know that the man she's planning to marry has been in a relationship with another man for over a yearbefore she hitches her wagon to him for good.

Not telling her because it's "not going to make the poor girl feel very good" is doing her an utter disservice, imo. She'll feel a lot fcuking worse if she marries him, finds out later and then has four years of very expensive legal wrangling to go through before she can be rid of him.

Saipanne

Op_over_here wrote: »

He tells me if I tell her he'll kill himself.

Does he have any history of mental illness?

Exclamation Marc

I think a lot of people who are suggesting that the OP tells the wife are forgetting or ignoring that the OP is not out which has a huge bearing on things.

If you tell the wife she'll understandably freak out and her actions will be completely unpredictable.

As such, there's a very good chance that seeing as she is friends with your sister that it'll get back to your circle of friends and family that you are gay.

I'm not gay myself and I would imagine coming out is a very personal thing and to tell the wife will have you on edge for a long time wondering who, if anyone knows given the close ties that you are gay. Worse than that, people may find out that you are gay before you are ready/prepared or want to tell them.

Walk away with your head held high. Either way, you deserve better.

baby and crumble

Dial Hard wrote: »

Usually I'm firmly in the "don't tell" camp when it comes to informing people that their partner has been cheating. However, I think this woman deserves to know that the man she's planning to marry has been in a relationship with another man for over a yearbefore she hitches her wagon to him for good.

Not telling her because it's "not going to make the poor girl feel very good" is doing her an utter disservice, imo. She'll feel a lot fcuking worse if she marries him, finds out later and then has four years of very expensive legal wrangling to go through before she can be rid of him.

Why is it different than if the OP was a woman? It's the exact same scenario.

LegacyUser

Hi guys

sorry for radio silence, been through the mill last few hours.

He tells me that he is in love with me but loves her - I wonder is this coming from fear and that he knows what he has to do so he's clinging onto me.

Regarding STIs, strangely enough we both went to a private clinic in a city last week and we both got the same message saying all clear (I saw his message - we decided we'd show each other - it was same number, same message) so I think I'm OK health-wish, it's more mental health now.

Answering questions here randomly but think he has had problems with stress but nothing major that I know of. I know his dad had MH problems, but not sure if that's relevant. Still worried he'll do something stupid and that I have somehow caused it.

I told a friend last night who told me that if he doesn't tell her that he will. This keeps getting worse. I am going to tell him to stop and hopefully I can just get on with things asap.

Thanks for all the responses. I'm going to go to a counsellor this week.

OP

LeaveMeAlone1

If I was about to walk down the aisle with someone and they were messing around on the side I would 1000000% want to know about it. Especially if it was something that meant my fiancee's sexual identity was up in the air. You'll be saving this woman from a lifetime of pain. She won't see it right away, she'll actually probably hate you at first, but at the end of the day you've both been played by this liar and when the dust settles I'm sure she'll be thankful.

Also the killing himself piece is bull. Anyone that can carry out a double life like that is well versed in manipulation and consistently lying to others. He knows how to control you.

Aside from all that I'm sorry you're going through this. While you're not the one engaged to him I'm sure it still hurts like hell. Don't like this liar ruin your capacity to love others. You met a guy and fell for him once (albeit a c**t), and you can do it again! Onwards and upwards. You deserve someone who is honest and true to you, as does his fiancee.

Exclamation Marc

LeaveMeAlone1 wrote: »

If I was about to walk down the aisle with someone and they were messing around on the side I would 1000000% want to know about it. Especially if it was something that meant my fiancee's sexual identity was up in the air. You'll be saving this woman from a lifetime of pain. She won't see it right away, she'll actually probably hate you at first, but at the end of the day you've both been played by this liar and when the dust settles I'm sure she'll be thankful.

Also the killing himself piece is bull. Anyone that can carry out a double life like that is well versed in manipulation and consistently lying to others. He knows how to control you.

Aside from all that I'm sorry you're going through this. While you're not the one engaged to him I'm sure it still hurts like hell. Don't like this liar ruin your capacity to love others. You met a guy and fell for him once (albeit a c**t), and you can do it again! Onwards and upwards. You deserve someone who is honest and true to you, as does his fiancee.

And what happens when the woman starts telling her friends that her fiancée is gay and this is the guy he was with.

Suddenly, not only has the OP been heartbroken and messed around but he's forced 'out' when he doesn't want to be.

HelgaWard

This guy has used and abused both you and his fiancee really unfairly. He is basically living two lives. I know you are hurting like hell now, but it is good that you found out what he is really like, what he is really capable of. I think his fiancee deserves to know too. He should be the one to tell her, but I'd imagine he is too chicken to do this. She might not believe you, but I'd try and find a way to tell her. You say she is a friend of your sisters. Would you feel comfortable coming out to your sister and telling her about all this. I'd say you could do with support in the real world. Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

I am ready to come out and am out to a few... Just thought I'd clarify. He's the one not out and I don't want to out him but at the same time I feel bad for her and bad for me. I nearly feel like becoming her friend (obvs wouldn't happen) and just make her feel better or something, ya know??

LeaveMeAlone1

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

And what happens when the woman starts telling her friends that her fiancée is gay and this is the guy he was with.

Suddenly, not only has the OP been heartbroken and messed around but he's forced 'out' when he doesn't want to be.

Finding out your fiancee has been seeing a guy on the side for 1+ years is not something any young woman is going to run around shouting about. The fiancee will likely be deeply embarrassed, ashamed and her confidence will take a major hit. At most she'll tell her family and a few close friends and want to mitigate any gossip by keeping it to herself. That may mean the OP comes out, but I imagine it will be controlled. But you're right, it's a potential outcome the OP must consider.

Exclamation Marc

LeaveMeAlone1 wrote: »

Finding out your fiancee has been seeing a guy on the side for 1+ years is not something any young woman is going to run around shouting about. The fiancee will likely be deeply embarrassed, ashamed and her confidence will take a major hit. At most she'll tell her family and a few close friends and want to mitigate any gossip by keeping it to herself. That may mean the OP comes out, but I imagine it will be controlled. But you're right, it's a potential outcome the OP must consider.

Completely agree with you but the woman in question is friends with the OPs sister. That would come out eventually.

LegacyUser

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why is it different than if the OP was a woman? It's the exact same scenario.

Personally I agree with that poster, I think it's different because it's not the usual cheating scenario because there is also the risk that he is using this woman as a cover and that he is gay and not bisexual. She has a right to know

tinkerbell

OP, you NEED to tell her and tell her now. She deserves to know that the man she plans on marrying is seeing another man.

LegacyUser

Op i can't imagine ONE woman out there who wouldn't want to be told. Sorry, but it has to happen. Tough crap to the guy whos not out. Not only has he potentially messed up his own life, he's broken your heart and also his fiance is going to be devastated.

The bottom line is, she needs to know.

Ursus Horribilis

op_here_22 wrote: »

Regarding STIs, strangely enough we both went to a private clinic in a city last week and we both got the same message saying all clear (I saw his message - we decided we'd show each other - it was same number, same message) so I think I'm OK health-wish, it's more mental health now.

So would I be right in taking from this sentence that this man has had unprotected gay sex? Which might also mean that he has been putting his girlfriend's sexual health at risk because of his risky behaviour.

I'm in the "tell her" camp I'm afraid. I believe she deserves to know what her boyfriend is capable of. If she chooses to stay with him after that, then that's her own choice.

Even if you decide against telling her, I think you're going to have to cut contact with this man and walk away. He's nothing but trouble. Oh and I wouldn't be so sure he'll commit suicide like he's threatening to. He's a manipulative sort and suicide threats are a classic manipulation tactic.

stargazer 68

Op I have to agree that you need to walk away from this guy and cut him off completely.

Telling his fiance is a different story. Yes she should know what kind of man she is marrying (as in a cheater) however just read the multitude of tell or not tell threads on here to see how it can come back and bite you! if this was a man cheating on his fiance with another woman it would be difficult but telling a woman that the man she is going to marry has been cheating on her with a man is likely to get you laughed off the face of the earth!

Women tend to take the partners side in this when another woman is involved - i.e shoot the messenger but getting her to believe that he is gay is another story.

LegacyUser

I don't think you need to concern yourself with getting her to believe anything, OP. You can tell her what you know, do it from your fake Facebook profile if you like. She may believe you, she may not. She may already have suspicions. She may completely dismiss it and continue with her engagement. Whether she chooses to continue a relationship with him will be none of your concern, at that point. But I do believe she at least deserves the opportunity of making up her own mind. She believes she is in a monogamous relationship with a straight man. She is not. That's pretty huge, and if it was me, no matter how devastated I was, how hurt, angry, upset I was, I would want to be told.

When I told the husband of the woman my husband had the affair with, I sent him copies of texts. He told me "I trust my wife. You must have taken them out of context". She may not want to believe you. But I do think before she marries this man (and has children with him?) she deserves to have all the information so she can make up her own mind.

CaraMay

He's probably sleeping with other people too. Hiv takes months to show up so you aren't necessarily clear.

His fiancée needs to know the kind of person she is marrying and then she can decide whether to progress or not. This is more than cheating, it's being tied to someone legally and financially when they have already been dishonest with you. Divorce in this country is extremely messy and extremely likely in this case. She needs to know the facts and the sooner the better.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all for the very encouraging messages. Felt very alone and it's always nice to have the mindhive that is boards.ie on my back.

I've spoken to a few friends about the scenario and all have advised me that giving him an ultimatum of telling her rather than finding out from me is the best route to take. I will be seeing him tomorrow and will let him know then.

Although he's clearly an unstable, mess of a man, I doubt he's been seeing others (but could be very wrong). I'll get tested in the new year to ease my mind, it's too late for PEP etc so there's no point - if I have it, I have it at this stage. It'd be horrible but I'm a strong person and will figure that out if it comes to that.

Thanks again to everyone. I hope that he sorts his head out. After all this, I do still care for him, I can't just switch that off, but I'll learn from it and move on.

Thanks again everyone and will be updating you when I have more info.

Also - not to complicate things further, but I came out last night through Facebook (why the f not!?) and got positive reactions. My aunt from America even called me! I am feeling a good vibe from that regardless.

daisydotty81

Tough situation but take it from someone who found out her husband was gay after 2 years of marriage. That girl needs to know before she marries him. It cost me €10,000 in legal costs and so much crap! I wish someone had told me!

Exclamation Marc

op_here_22 wrote: »

Also - not to complicate things further, but I came out last night through Facebook (why the f not!?) and got positive reactions. My aunt from America even called me! I am feeling a good vibe from that regardless.

Great to hear and congrats. Always great to realise what a great social and family circle surrounds you.

December2012

op_here_22 wrote: »

- not to complicate things further, but I came out last night through Facebook (why the f not!?) and got positive reactions. My aunt from America even called me! I am feeling a good vibe from that regardless.

Well done you, I'm delighted that is going well. It's great that you've support.

Onwards and upwards my man.

Shrap

Ah jaysus, just spotted this thread. What a nightmare scenario for you, you poor thing.

I read that you're meeting him this week, and given that he has already threatened/manipulated you with saying he'd kill himself if you told his gf, I wonder is that meeting wise? TBH, if he knows you're out now, I doubt he'll meet you at all considering what he might imagine you're gearing up to do, ie. out him to his girlfriend.

But, if he does still want to meet you....I just want you to be aware that right now is maybe a good time to be careful about where you meet him and make sure people know where you are. Not to sh1t you up for no reason, but just to do some personal safety checks if you're going to be alone together.

For what it's worth, after him cheating on you and his gf like that, I don't think that word getting to his gf about his cheating has to necessarily come from you. That's a kindness he doesn't deserve. You don't have to put yourself through telling her yourself (although I think she should know, or be told at least, whether she believes it or not), and now you're out, what's to stop you telling your sister what happened between you?

Exclamation Marc

Shrap wrote: »

Ah jaysus, just spotted this thread. What a nightmare scenario for you, you poor thing.

I read that you're meeting him this week, and given that he has already threatened/manipulated you with saying he'd kill himself if you told his gf, I wonder is that meeting wise? TBH, if he knows you're out now, I doubt he'll meet you at all considering what he might imagine you're gearing up to do, ie. out him to his girlfriend.

But, if he does still want to meet you....I just want you to be aware that right now is maybe a good time to be careful about where you meet him and make sure people know where you are. Not to sh1t you up for no reason, but just to do some personal safety checks if you're going to be alone together.

For what it's worth, after him cheating on you and his gf like that, I don't think that word getting to his gf about his cheating has to necessarily come from you. That's a kindness he doesn't deserve. You don't have to put yourself through telling her yourself (although I think she should know, or be told at least, whether she believes it or not), and now you're out, what's to stop you telling your sister what happened between you?

Sound advice there. They guy could be slightly unhinged if he starts thinking that his world might unravel.

LegacyUser

op_here_22 wrote: »

Thanks to all for the very encouraging messages. Felt very alone and it's always nice to have the mindhive that is boards.ie on my back.

I've spoken to a few friends about the scenario and all have advised me that giving him an ultimatum of telling her rather than finding out from me is the best route to take. I will be seeing him tomorrow and will let him know then.

Although he's clearly an unstable, mess of a man, I doubt he's been seeing others (but could be very wrong). I'll get tested in the new year to ease my mind, it's too late for PEP etc so there's no point - if I have it, I have it at this stage. It'd be horrible but I'm a strong person and will figure that out if it comes to that.

Thanks again to everyone. I hope that he sorts his head out. After all this, I do still care for him, I can't just switch that off, but I'll learn from it and move on.

Thanks again everyone and will be updating you when I have more info.

Also - not to complicate things further, but I came out last night through Facebook (why the f not!?) and got positive reactions. My aunt from America even called me! I am feeling a good vibe from that regardless.

Good for you on the coming out

Regarding your friend,please take a step back before you expose him
My advice is to tell him you are taking time out from him and leave it at that
Just dont ever contact him again,don't say to him that's what you plan just do it

Bear in mind,he's in a hell already,a hell he may well not have planned to be in
The most caring thing ,in my view you can do and for yourself as well is walking away

His girlfriend is not your problem anymore,let her make her own mistakes
You've enough to be dealing with besides that hornets nest

Take care of yourself now,spoil yourself and I hope you get the boyfriend you deserve in jig time
Best of luck

LegacyUser

Thanks Aww Lad, I know where you're coming from but I think this issue is bigger than me (although I have to look after myself as well). I definitely think I should tell her but maybe in a different way (e.g. from a fake profiler saying that I think she needs to talk to her fiance as he is having serious doubts and needs to talk to him?). That's just one idea I'm having.

Thanks again all. Seeing him in an hour.

kylith

daisydotty81 wrote: »

Tough situation but take it from someone who found out her husband was gay after 2 years of marriage. That girl needs to know before she marries him. It cost me €10,000 in legal costs and so much crap! I wish someone had told me!

Just to say: this guy is not necessarily gay, he could be bi. I'm not excusing the cheating and the lies but it is absolutely possible that his attraction to his fiancée is not a lie.

LegacyUser

kylith wrote: »

Just to say: this guy is not necessarily gay, he could be bi. I'm not excusing the cheating and the lies but it is absolutely possible that his attraction to his fiancée is not a lie.

He says he's attracted to her and is attracted to women but mostly (90%) men. We're all a bit bi imo but I think that this is a different story.

He is delayed. I'm shaking.

CaraMay

op_here_22 wrote: »

Thanks Aww Lad, I know where you're coming from but I think this issue is bigger than me (although I have to look after myself as well). I definitely think I should tell her but maybe in a different way (e.g. from a fake profiler saying that I think she needs to talk to her fiance as he is having serious doubts and needs to talk to him?). That's just one idea I'm having.

Thanks again all. Seeing him in an hour.

That's not fair. Either tell her or don't. No point messing with her head.

Why in the name of god are you meeting him?

Are you enjoying the drama?

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

That's not fair. Either tell her or don't. No point messing with her head.

Why in the name of god are you meeting him?

Are you enjoying the drama?

Absolutely not. I don't know why but I feel like I need to talk to him.

LegacyUser

If you're going to tell her anything tell her the truth. Now that you're out you can explain what happened. How he told you he hadn't a Facebook profile. How he must have blocked you because he didn't show up in any searches. Etc...

Either tell her, or leave her alone. Don't go down the route of "talk to your fiancé" from a fake account. All he'll say is, I've never heard of him? Who is he? We've no mutual friends, he's obviously a saddo sh*t stirring. So you be honest with her or you walk away from them both. Now.

I hope when you met him today you told him you never want to hear from him again. You are "the affair". The longer you stay in contact with him, the less you become a victim in all this.

HelgaWard

CaraMay wrote: »

That's not fair. Either tell her or don't. No point messing with her head.

Why in the name of god are you meeting him?

Are you enjoying the drama?

Why shouldn't he meet him, he probably has questions he wants answered, he needs closure.

Oryx

I have no idea how this meeting will have gone, but my impression is you have been, and are being played by this guy. He has gone out of his way to hide his 'real' life from you. If he says he loves you he is lying. Well, maybe not in the moment, but he is going back to his girlfriend and telling her that too. Gender is irrelevant here. You are his affair. And he has already told you he is marrying his 'real' partner. You have no future with him and do not get sucked into staying around to satisfy his needs on the side. You sound like a sensitive soul, and this is going to hurt you more in future if you stay in touch with him. Its already wrecking your head because you clearly care deeply about how your actions affect other people. Well, right now, think of yourself, protect yourself, and get away from this confused, manipulative man.

His girlfriend. What do you do there? Again, protect yourself. You are the affair, remember, and that puts you in a bad light from the get go. If she must be told, do it anonymously. Yeah, yer man will probably deny it (and she will find it far fetched I imagine) but your conscience will be clear. After that, put the whole mess behind you and look to your own future with a partner who can be all yours.

PucaMama

Cheater shouldn't be protected because he's not "out". That's ridiculous.

WIZWEB

Odus fell down wrote: »

So would I be right in taking from this sentence that this man has had unprotected gay sex? Which might also mean that he has been putting his girlfriend's sexual health at risk because of his risky behaviour.

The user may be sleeping with several men and women as loyalty doesn't appear to be a trait he is familiar with. Therefore this unprotected sex he's engaging in may not be specifically a gay variant. However I will agree with you that the girl in this case needs to be told for a myriad of reasons.

The OP needs to sideline the emotional blackmail directed his way from his 'partner' who uses him and the girl. Also in this day and age there are no excuse for closets. I'm glad the OP is finally 'out'. Closets are overrated I find The others fellas closet and secrets are no longer your concern. His GF can out and shout all she wishes on knowing. Don't allow yourself to be used and manipulated. You'll pay. Been there did that. Never ever again.

Taltos

Mod Note
OK OP - as you've now come out and have discussed this with him a few nights ago I am marking this as resolved.
Hopefully your chat went well and if this thread helped in you two having that talk then I am happy to close it as your initial problem has now been addressed.