Bullying or banter?

Mmurphy415

Hey guys,

Would love your advice. I've started working in a hospital 3 weeks ago and I'm enjoying it so far. However there is one colleague of mine who I'm unsure of. He seems very outgoing and can be a bit brash. A couple of weeks ago he made a comment about my shoes, then it was my hair now its my clothes. He are criticises me for using a moped to get to work. He's been working in the place 20+ years and I find him intimidating.

Am I over reacting?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

I'd say lighten up. Actually sounds like he's trying to break the ice with you, more than anything.

ScottStorm

Yep, grow a thicker skin, sounds like he's trying to lighten the mood for all in a grim environment. Try throwing something back his way.

Canadel

Do you work with Gok Wan?

livedadream

Mmurphy415 wrote: »

Hey guys,

Would love your advice. I've started working in a hospital 3 weeks ago and I'm enjoying it so far. However there is one colleague of mine who I'm unsure of. He seems very outgoing and can be a bit brash. A couple of weeks ago he made a comment about my shoes, then it was my hair now its my clothes. He are criticises me for using a moped to get to work. He's been working in the place 20+ years and I find him intimidating.

Am I over reacting?

this is a tough one, without examples of what he has said to you its hard to tell.

if its your hair looks like ****e today then no its not bullying but he's an asshole, if he keeps making personal comments about you then yes its bullying

if he said Jesus hair like that wouldnt have been allowed when i started oh god your hair is mad cool then no you are being sensitive.

maybe give us examples or tell him you dont like what hes saying?

Chemical Byrne

I would say it is just banter and slagging. Fellas are always slagging eachother off.

Does he single you out for it or does he do it to everyone? That will be the tell.

I am assuming you are a female.....

James Bond Junior

Could you be a bit more assertive? Even a retort such as "you're very pass remarkable, what are you going to criticise me on next?" may be enough to put him in his place somewhat.

Day Lewin

Have you tried bantering back?

Say mildly "Hey, my hair is getting sensitive with all the remarks you pass about it. Would you give it a rest, please?"

and then,

"Aw, come on, less of the schoolyard banter: I've had enough"!

and finally

"Here, that's about enough of that: You'd better stop, I'm serious"

and then

"Listen, if you don't quit the personal comments, I am taking this further. It gets to sound like harassment, and the management have a policy about stuff like this. Fair warning. This is my final word to you on the subject."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PS It is also well possible, as others have said, that he is trying to flirt and getting it very wrong. Blokes often grotesquely miscalculate this kind of thing. That is to say, it may not be meant maliciously. Even so, it is still best to put him straight in very plain language.

Chemical Byrne

Don't go reporting to HR. If he is there 20 years he is part of the furniture and probably "well in". You are there 3 weeks and if you give the impression that you are difficult they will want to offload you pronto.

fin12

well what some consider banter, it could be very hurtful to someone else, I don't see why anyone should have the right to comment on someone's physical apperance at work unless it was coming from a manager about your uniform or something but from a colleague, no way, I know if someone made comments about my apperance at work, I'd f*ck them out of it, because I've had a lot of self esteem issues around that area and also have suffered with an eating disorder.

mfceiling

He might like you and is trying to "buzz" off you.
Maybe a bit of banter back his way. If it's too much then a quick word to him or a close colleague of his to tone it down.

Are you assertive or an "easy touch"?

As I say maybe he thinks you are a bit of crack and wants to get a friendship going. Could you see yourself having a pint with him?

lawred2

fin12 wrote: »

well what some consider banter, it could be very hurtful to someone else, I don't see why anyone should have the right to comment on someone's physical apperance at work unless it was coming from a manager about your uniform or something but from a colleague, no way, I know if someone made comments about my apperance at work, I'd f*ck them out of it, because I've had a lot of self esteem issues around that area and also have suffered with an eating disorder.

jeez - how is someone who doesn't know you who might genuinely just be ribbing supposed to know that?

lawred2

Mmurphy415 wrote: »

Hey guys,

Would love your advice. I've started working in a hospital 3 weeks ago and I'm enjoying it so far. However there is one colleague of mine who I'm unsure of. He seems very outgoing and can be a bit brash. A couple of weeks ago he made a comment about my shoes, then it was my hair now its my clothes. He are criticises me for using a moped to get to work. He's been working in the place 20+ years and I find him intimidating.

Am I over reacting?

Finding someone intimidating is already not a good sign.

Polo_Mint

katemarch wrote: »

Have you tried bantering back?

Say mildly "Hey, my hair is getting sensitive with all the remarks you pass about it. Would you give it a rest, please?"

and then,

"Aw, come on, less of the schoolyard banter: I've had enough"!

and finally

"Here, that's about enough of that: You'd better stop, I'm serious"

and then

"Listen, if you don't quit the personal comments, I am taking this further. It gets to sound like harassment, and the management have a policy about stuff like this. Fair warning. This is my final word to you on the subject."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PS It is also well possible, as others have said, that he is trying to flirt and getting it very wrong. Blokes often grotesquely miscalculate this kind of thing. That is to say, it may not be meant maliciously. Even so, it is still best to put him straight in very plain language.

Thats not banter

livedadream

fin12 wrote: »

well what some consider banter, it could be very hurtful to someone else, I don't see why anyone should have the right to comment on someone's physical apperance at work unless it was coming from a manager about your uniform or something but from a colleague, no way, I know if someone made comments about my apperance at work, I'd f*ck them out of it, because I've had a lot of self esteem issues around that area and also have suffered with an eating disorder.

im sorry for your troubles but bullying in the workplace is an actual tangible thing.

repeated inappropriate behaviour, direct or indirect, whether verbal, physical or otherwise, conducted by one or more persons against another or others, at the place of work and/or in the course of employment, which could reasonably be regarded as undermining the individual‘s right to dignity at work

someone commenting at lunch time that im eating a big portion compared to you eating a big portion is not bullying because you have an eating disorder and i dont.

it subjective not specific.

fin12

lawred2 wrote: »

jeez - how is someone who doesn't know you who might genuinely just be ribbing supposed to know that?

of course they wouldn't know that, He's not a friend that's why they shouldn't make any comments about people's physical appearance, a lot of people have issues around their physical appearance. its the same as people saying oh it might never happen or smile, just pure ignorance. I just think you have to be an asshole to make derogatory comments about someone physical appearance.

fin12

livedadream wrote: »

im sorry for your troubles but bullying in the workplace is an actual tangible thing.

repeated inappropriate behaviour, direct or indirect, whether verbal, physical or otherwise, conducted by one or more persons against another or others, at the place of work and/or in the course of employment, which could reasonably be regarded as undermining the individual‘s right to dignity at work

someone commenting at lunch time that im eating a big portion compared to you eating a big portion is not bullying because you have an eating disorder and i dont.

it subjective not specific.

ya but if the colleague is making these comments about your physical appearance and as a result you feel really down about it, upset and start like dreading going into work because of this person and his comments, is that not bullying? I'm just saying because of my history it would affect me maybe a lot more and I would have to confront them straight away.

lawred2

fin12 wrote: »

of course they wouldn't know that, He's not a friend that's why they shouldn't make any comments about people's physical appearance, a lot of people have issues around their physical appearance. its the same as people saying oh it might never happen or smile, just pure ignorance. I just think you have to be an asshole to make derogatory comments about someone physical appearance.

I wouldn't dream of such a thing - not sure what he's at in this case but chewing the head off someone (f*ck them out of it) who might genuinely think that they are having 'the craic' for what are pretty much your own personal legacy issues isn't going to win you any friends..

But I agree - the lad in this question sounds like a pillock

ScottStorm

Zombie thread.....

livedadream

fin12 wrote: »

ya but if the colleague is making these comments about your physical appearance and as a result you feel really down about it, upset and start like dreading going into work because of this person and his comments, is that not bullying? I'm just saying because of my history it would affect me maybe a lot more and I would have to confront them straight away.

in short, no.

from a legal perspective bullying in the workplace is as i defined it above. it doesnt make it right and yes that person is an asshole but you cant account for everyones life outside if work.

if im afraid of clowns and no one knows, if someone at work dresses up as a clown for fun and i get scared is that their fault?

no you cant account for everything, yes the world is PC mad but you cant hold people accountable for everything and call it bullying, same as if a fat person is fat and your asked to describe them is it bullying to say oh the girl over there the fat one, not bullying but maybe mean.