ex meeting up

chaz44

Hi everyone me and my ex boyfriend have been texting a little bit over the last few months like maybe every 3 weeks or so....my question is would it be ok to ask him to meet up for coffee for a catch up?? I do still really like him.we haven't seen each other in 8 month's nearly.replys would be greatly appreciated

Tell us why you would think it a good or bad idea?

retro:electro

You'll need to give a bit more info if you want people's opinions on if it's a good idea or not. Why did you break up?

chaz44

We broke up because we had a stupid row over him not having enough time for me and I ended up breaking up with him.it was a bad break up, but we talked a few months later and are on good terms again. I do think he still likes me but I was the one who broke up with him in the end so do you think if things are to be reconciled it would have to come from me?

CaraMay

So it's not for a catch up, it's because you want to get back with him. No point playing games with him. Tell him what you want and see what he says. What makes you think he will have time for you now?

Ursus Horribilis

Sure why not? You can gauge in person what's going on and decide from there. And if he says no, then you know where you stand .

njs030

Has anything changed op that you think he will have more time for you? If not you'll find yourself back in the same situation.

Grace_31

I wouldn't bother. You broke up for a reason and you have no foundation that anything has changed. You say he never had time for you, looks like he still doesn't have time if contact is every 3 weeks or so....

chaz44

Thanks everyone for your opinions greatly appreciated. I don't know if anything has changed I guess meeting up with him I could figure it out. I'm a slightly anxious person so putting myself out there is hard to do .... Do yee think he could still be interested? I don't think he'd still be texting if he wasn't??

You broke up because he didn't have enough time for you? What does he do that occupies so much of his time? Do you have anything that will take up some of your time? It's hard to determine if the breakup stems from his lack of time or possible neediness.

chaz44

He has a big job that requires long days and on top of it all he's in college at night....I'm not at all needy. He had plenty of space.Im a massive believer in second chances....he never cheated or treated me badly in anyway.his time management just isn't great.

Hemerodrome

chaz44 wrote: »

Do yee think he could still be interested? I don't think he'd still be texting if he wasn't??

I think you're clutching at straws. If someone has no time for you, take that at a literal and figurative level, he wasn't interested enough to make time for you. I'd walk this off if I was you.

Alf Veedersane

chaz44 wrote: »

He has a big job that requires long days and on top of it all he's in college at night....I'm not at all needy. He had plenty of space.Im a massive believer in second chances....he never cheated or treated me badly in anyway.his time management just isn't great.

Given that he works long hours and has college at night, he doesn't have much time to manage.

What was he doing with the small bit of free time he had that made you want to break up with him?

Did he have interests that he wanted to keep up which squeezed time spent with you?

It may be that his time management is fine but there isn't as much time in there as you would like. You might meet up and get on great but nothing might have changed.

njs030

chaz44 wrote: »

He has a big job that requires long days and on top of it all he's in college at night....I'm not at all needy. He had plenty of space.Im a massive believer in second chances....he never cheated or treated me badly in anyway.his time management just isn't great.

So he still won't have much time for you? Have you decided you're ok with that now?

Second chances only work if someone is going to change- either he makes more time for you or you accept that he can only manage to see you in small amounts.

Though there's nothing in his behaviour that sounds like he's interested in getting back together. Texting every few weeks sounds like just catching up.
If you want to be sure then tell him you're interested in restarting things and see what he says- though do make sure you settle the time issue before getting back into anything.

whippet

if you want the relationship go for it ... but go in with your eyes wide open this time. Sometimes it can take a break up to draw a line in the sand and re-evaluate priorities etc.

My wife and i broke up for 3 years at one stage .. not only did we not talk, we lived in different countries. Bumped in to each other randomly, went for a coffee and now happily married for nearly 9 years.

As long as there isn't resentment from either party what is the harm?

chaz44

I personally don't text ex's to catch up every few weeks and I don't know anyone that does. I don't think a lunch or coffee would do any harm.it's just me testing the waters as they say.... I just wouldn't like to put myself out there to be rejected...

Dellnum

how did he react when you broke up with him? Was he upset about it or did he just shrug his shoulders and say "that's grand" ?

chaz44

The man's an actor( not literally) he doesn't give anything away ... G

Dellnum

Well if he didn't show any emotion when you said you were leaving him then he wasn't prepared to try and keep you and that is how I would read that. So this means he is on the fence. He enjoys the interaction but unfortunately I feel he doesn't regard you as something special. Sorry, this is obviously not what you want to hear, but from someone looking on that is how it comes across to me. Now that doesn't mean that given time it won't develop, so all you can do is meet up with him, put your cards on the table and see what his reaction is. Your gut instinct will tell you then what you have to do.

chaz44

chaz44 wrote: »

He has a big job that requires long days and on top of it all he's in college at night....I'm not at all needy. He had plenty of space.Im a massive believer in second chances....he never cheated or treated me badly in anyway.his time management just isn't great.

He didn't do anything wrong to require a second chance. He has a busy life, with his job and college, and it was you that broke up with him. So, I reckon that he would need to give you a second chance.

His situation isn't going to change; you can't expect him to give up college and a job for you - sure, his time management could have been better, according to you, but even if he works on it, he'll only have a very limited amount.

You might just be better off finding someone who can be there more for you.

chaz44

But there is no one else.... Everyone is taken !

kylith

chaz44 wrote: »

But there is no one else.... Everyone is taken !

Yep. Every other man in the entire country is married :rolleyes:

Look: he didn't have enough time for you before. He doesn't have any more time now. Why would you want to get back into that situation? Would you really rather play third fiddle to his work and his course rather than join PoF or go out on the pull?

Meauldsegosha

Is your ex male or female?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057383173

You seem to change your story between different threads.

Penny Tration

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Is your ex male or female?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057383173

You seem to change your story between different threads.

Could be that OP is bisexual and jumped from one relationship to another, the one with the guy lasted about two months and they broke up 8 months ago?

Kind of implausible though

njs030

chaz44 wrote: »

But there is no one else.... Everyone is taken !

Not a good reason to get into a relationship.

Meauldsegosha

Penny Tration wrote: »

Could be that OP is bisexual and jumped from one relationship to another, the one with the guy lasted about two months and they broke up 8 months ago?

Kind of implausible though

Could be. The OP is incredibly unlucky then to have two relationships in a short period end because of the other person's job and they are unable to show thier emotions.

OP if your ex still has limited spare time available because of their job and studies, is it really worth getting back with them?

Neyite

Mod:

Chaz44, over several of your threads, it's become apparent that you change details and are not consistent.

People take the time give advice here in good faith. They share personal stories that may be hard to do, in order to help a stranger over the internet. And when there are reports that a poster is inconsistent in details it feels like they are trolling, taking the piss out of people responding and that undermines the purpose of the forum.

Posters are free to give as little or as much detail as they are comfortable with. Obviously the advice you get back might depend on the details, but what is NOT ok is changing your story and thinking that posters here wont notice.

As it happens, you've had more than enough good advice from posters over your threads here in PI. I suggest you read them, and don't exhaust the goodwill of posters on this forum any more on the same issue.

I'm locking this thread. Don't start a new one on this issue .