Harrassed By Stranger

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I am writing this message as a concerned person. Basically me, my girlfriend, her housemate and a couple of her friends are getting harassed online by a guy in Germany. lets call him Friedrich (just to put a name on him). Friedrich has fallen head over heals for my girlfriend and is calling her at all hours of the night, sending messages to her friends and sending me abusive tweets. She is ignoring him.

It all started back in September when my girlfriend got talking to him in a online forum. He was going through lots of issues so she invited him over to stay with her and her housemate and her children. I must state we were going through a bad period in our relationship. Anyway that is not the main issue here. We are still working through this.

Our relationship has subsequently improved and we are back on normal terms until a week ago I got a message on twitter by Friedrich saying that she had an affair with him. I subsequently was upset and she told me the entire story. She met him online, where they both had their issues and he offered to come over to visit her.

After Friedrich returned home he began to bombard her and her friends with messages and texts. She ignored him. The more she ignored the more frequent the messages and calls became. He began to ring her friends indicating that he stole her list of contacts. She also told me that the guy has serious psychological issues, he threatens to kill himself and is isolated from his entire family. Immediately when she told me this alarm bells were ringing in my head

This evening and a few days ago I received some tweets naming my hometown and saying he would hurt me. I have had to block him again and again but he sets up new accounts. I talked with him on Skype with my G/F and told him to stop and if he didn't I would fly to Germany and file a complaint with the Polizei. He threatened to kill himself on Skype there and then, appeared intense and irrational and is obviously unwell.

Now, normally I would ignore Internet trolls but from all evidence, I believe Friedrich is deranged in some way or needs Psychiatric help. After threatening to kill himself and sending me abusive messages on twitter he then skyped messaged my g/f to say he was flying to Dublin next weekend and wants the three of us to meet. I'm sure I could handle him but then again I'm worried about my g/f, her house-mate, her house-mates two children and her friends. He knows where they live.

The guy really exists, is flying here and has mental issues. What are my options? He has a real hatred for me even though he never met me. I was really patient talking to him on Skype tonight and told him that his messages were not on and that he was scaring people.

I could really do with some advice as its stressing me out. What actions should I take? Thanks in advance.

Toots

I'd get in touch with the German police and report this, then also get on to the Gardai as well. Stop engaging with him, and block all his numbers etc. Keep a record of all the stuff he sends.

listermint

Toots wrote: »

I'd get in touch with the German police and report this, then also get on to the Gardai as well. Stop engaging with him, and block all his numbers etc. Keep a record of all the stuff he sends.

This is the top advice contact the regional police department

Pat Mustard

Concerned for safety wrote: »

I could really do with some advice as its stressing me out. What actions should I take? Thanks in advance.

You need to do three things:

1. Send him one final, clear message:
'Don't come to visit. You are not welcome. Go away and leave us alone. We have made a complaint to the police.'

2. Make a complaint to the police in Ireland (and in Germany if you can) with the details of your story. Let them deal with him.

3. Ignore him completely, no matter what he does. If you need to make a complaint to police, do so but don't make contact with him.

Very important that you ignore him. If you ignore 1000 of his messages but respond to the 1001st message, he may just regard sending 1000 messages as the price that he must pay in order to get your attention. He wants your attention and if you give it to him, he'll want more. The only way to get a stalker to leave you alone is to ignore him, which is easier said than done.

LegacyUser

OP here again, thanks for replies so far. I calmly told him on Skype this evening to his face that if the messages and calls continue I would be flying to Stuttgart before the end of the week to file a complaint with the Polizei. I spoke politely with him and even complimented his English. I've lost a loved one to suicide only a few months back so didn't want to become aggressive with someone making threats.

Some minutes later after ending the chat the calls and messages were coming in. Before I make contact with the Polizei I will gather all the screenshots/evidence from the people involved.

He says he will fly here on the 29th November. Its not a risk I'm willing to take given the circumstances and content of the messages. This person is not some unidentifiable hiding behind an alias on a computer screen, It is a real person using their real name making real threats.

In fairness to my g/f she was ignoring him until I got more tweets and wanted to speak with him on skype, possibly making it worse. I'm happy I seen spoke with him and seen him as it showed me via videochat the nutjob he is.

Again, much appreciated for the responses and more advice is certainly welcome.

LegacyUser

Stop engaging with him at all, make your complaint to the Gards now, tell them he has threatened all of you and you know when he'll be landing in Ireland, it's a slam dunk for them to arrest him straight off the flight, happens more often than you'd think.

Could I also suggest that in future that you all exercise better judgement than to feel so sorry for some internet loner that you provided him with lots of personal information, introduce him to a circle of friends and worst of all, give him access to the children.

pookie82

STOP answering Skype calls with this guy, or setting them up. You have all the evidence you need. Deactivate twitter for a while, change your numbers, ignore anything that comes through.

Leave this to the police now.

LegacyUser

Guessed wrote: »

Stop engaging with him at all, make your complaint to the Gards now, tell them he has threatened all of you and you know when he'll be landing in Ireland, it's a slam dunk for them to arrest him straight off the flight, happens more often than you'd think.

Could I also suggest that in future that you all exercise better judgement than to feel so sorry for some internet loner that you provided him with lots of personal information, introduce him to a circle of friends and worst of all, give him access to the children.

To be fair most of the earlier part happened behind my back and trust me, my main concern is the children here.

I'm raging with my g/f over her naivety and I don't think we have a way back which breaks my heart.

My main concern is I want this guy out of our lives and everyone safe. Secondly I will deal with my relationship when it all dies down.

Also last night I received a video off another Twitter account of him in a German army uniform trying to act macho. Also worryingly his Skype profile picture has changed to a gun. We have since blocked him. Anyway I've screenshotted it all and am going to the Guards.

Thanks all.

Rubberchikken

stop responding to him. completely. not even one response - not even a rude one or a firm one. none.
talk to the gardai/police in his area. hopefully nothing comes of it. good luck

LegacyUser

I'm just back from the Garda station. The Bangarda said she has seen it all before and that men get crazy sometimes. She might as well have said 'Ah sure it will be grand'. All I got from her was dial 999 and don't open the door if he does turn up on the 29th.

One thing she did say was like other posters here ignore, ignore ignore. We are doing that but this morning he managed to get ANOTHER friend of my G/F's numbers and ask her questions.

A mountain of evidence and a disinterested Garda who seems to have some minor agenda against men.

FFS like. Not sure where to go next. This is one of the few places I can go for support as I feel fooled by my g/f and as much as I would love to disclose to friends and family for support don't I think I can given the significance of this episode on our relationship. A big decision still needs to be made in regards to that. She is popular amongst them all.

Thanks all for responses.

Meadhbus

Would you really have to fly to Germany to lodge a complaint with the police there? Maybe try an email or international phone call first.

After that, if the Gardai aren't all that interested, I think all you can do is take their advice: ignore him and get in touch again if things escalate.

beks101

I'd start with an email to the Stuttgart Polizei documenting all the social media abuse and threatening Skype calls, harassing all your gf's friends etc.

Simple email explaining with screen grabs attached. And include his ID and contact details.

Then follow up with a phone call. Maybe they can knock him up with a friendly warning to nip any flights to Ireland in the bud.

Polizeipräsidium Stuttgart

Hahnemannstraße 1
70191 Stuttgart

Telefon: 0711 8990-0
Telefax: 0711 8990-2189

E-Mail: stuttgart.pp@polizei.bwl.de

ivytwine

Meadhbus wrote: »

Would you really have to fly to Germany to lodge a complaint with the police there? Maybe try an email or international phone call first.

After that, if the Gardai aren't all that interested, I think all you can do is take their advice: ignore him and get in touch again if things escalate.

I know from experience you can raise an issue with police in another country- well the uk anyway. You should def contact the polizei. Keep calm on the phone and explain the situation.

Also go back to the guards and ask to speak to a sergeant if you feel that guard was fobbing you off.

njs030

ivytwine wrote: »

Also go back to the guards and ask to speak to a sergeant if you feel that guard was fobbing you off.

This. The guard you spoke to sounds like she didn't want to make any effort taking details. Do go back op and if you meet the same reaction ask for their superior.

Sounds like your girlfriend was naive but trying to do a kind thing, hopefully she's learned from her mistake.

rainbowtrout

Why can't your girlfriend visit the Polizei and make a complaint rather than you contacting them/going to germany?

To be fair there probably isn't much the Gardai can do here at the moment about some guy who is contacting you from Germany.

Ave Sodalis

Friedrich Foe1 wrote:

I'm raging with my g/f over her naivety and I don't think we have a way back which breaks my heart.

OP, this is very unfair on your girlfriend. She is no more naive than you are by replying to his messages and believing him when he says he will kill himself. I've found (unfortunately through personal experience) that the type of people who threaten to kill themselves to get a reaction aren't going to actually kill themselves. They just like the power it has over people. The guy is crazy, but you can be guarenteed that he didn't act crazy until he got enough contact and social information so that his craziness would trap your girlfriend. Yes, your girlfriend was naive. You are too so I wouldn't put them blame on her as if it's her fault the guy is mental.

Also, just in case, I think the 29th just happens to be a good time to go away for a few days, just so nobody is around if he does call.

LegacyUser

Dear god, you've both been feeding this guy. Especially your gf. Seriously, and I'm not trying to engage in blaming her, but how unsafe was her behaviour. Like a dreadful misjudgement of a guy with mental health issues. And involving kids with that address is ridiculously bad - even if she thought he was a model citizen, still inappropriate to invite him to stay with kids. Is she really stupidly naive?

Like others have said, blank & block this guy, and report him to the authorities. You have furthered his attention seeking by engaging with him. That was really foolish OP. Get the authorities onto him, and also hopefully get him the help that he needs.