How do I bounce back from this?

marklynch065

Hi there.
Thanks for taking time to read this. I'm just so frustrated. I'm dealing with social anxiety for years now, I never let it hold me back and I always try to battle against it. I started a new job lately and although I've been impressed with my ability to stay calm and go about my business I feel I have messed up in the last couple of weeks.
Its just so embarrasing I feel like a complete idiot. Today for example I was talking to a member of staff that I'm not too familiar with and felt a surge of anxiety as we spoke I began tripping over my words and felt I was coming across as awkward and incoherent. This effected the rest of my day and I found every other social interraction afterwards was anxiety fueled. I am so frightened that my coworkers think Im strange now. One day they saw me as confident and talkative the next I'm a bumbling mess! I just feel so upset. Any advice on how I can bounce back from this? Thank you so much for listening to me and I really do appreciate your thoughts on the matter

florawest

Just dig deep and find your confidence, if you see those work colleagues you messed up words etc with, say oh boy I was dealing with some personal stuff the other day and couldn't get it out of my head, so I prob rambled out, big confident smile and walk away head held high, don't think too much about it, no one is perfect and good luck stay strong

Penny Tration

Hey op.

I have anxiety and I'm terrible with talking to people I don't know very well when it rears its head, so i feel your pain!

I really don't think your colleagues will think you're strange at all!

If you really think they will, just say casually ' ah mate, sorry about getting so tongue tied the other day, I get the odd bout of shyness with people I don't know well, sorry about that!'
I'd be 90% sure he won't even remember it, but the excuse I've given you there is something they'll find acceptable, and it'll cover you if it happens again.

marklynch065

Thanks guys i really appreciate your advice im working on overcoming this once and for all

beks101

The thing about anxiety is that it'll make every little inconsequential action you take that no-one else notices or cares about seem like some kind of Armageddon in your own head.

Trust me, your colleagues don't notice or judge your moments of social awkwardness or discomfort even HALF the amount you do in your own head. At worst it was probably a "Jimmy's having an off day/Jimmy's a bit nervous" and then moved on with their day.

Next time when you feel the anxiety approaching, try to consciously slow down - talk slower, stop and take a deep breath, "phew, can't get my words out today!" smile and start again. It's REALLY not a big deal and NO-ONE will be scrutinizing you or thinking less of you in the way you think they are at all.

I messed up at work today and felt super self conscious in the aftermath. Instead of introspecting my way into a panic attack, I took five minutes to compose myself, smiled and threw myself back into the grind, forcing myself into important conversations around me before the internal freak out could get the better of me. You have to mentally 'win' over the anxiety before it can consume you. Don't let it snowball. Self-talk if you need to. I do it all the time "beks you're grand! It's been a good day. Tiny blip there. Back on the gravy train. Happy days." (Try getting caught too, that's great craic )

Rubberchikken

you're doing great to be working on this so go easy on yourself. i'm willing to bet the person you were talking to may not have even noticed and has let the conversation go at this stage.
it's great that you're trying so hard to deal with the anxiety and you sound like you're getting there. everyone is entitled to slip up once in a while, so just pick yourself up and keep on going.
and congrats on the job. best of luck.

zoobizoo

Have a read of The Feeling Good Handbook - really practical advice and activities for you in it

marklynch065

Guys thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. You all have great advice and what you say makes sense. I'm most definately going to battle this but it can be overwhelming some days. It's like one step forward two steps back.
People can be so dismissive of anxiety but it's no laughing matter. The frustrating thing is that I know I'm capable of so much. When I'm relaxed I can be a good speaker but once my nerves kick in I tend to clam up. My dad died in Jan and although I wouldn't attribute all my anxiety to this it's prob a factor.
The biggest pain for me is being misunderstood. I know I'm not a shy/quiet guy at heart yet sometimes my anxiety makes me behave in ways that may make me look this way.
Today I was having a relatively good day but alas I had another **** up just before home time. There was a young student who was on placement in our department and I went to introduce myself to them and low and behold my nerves kicked in again. My voice became shaky etc... but ya know what I'm learning that its pointless to dwell on these **** ups. It changes nothing. I know im a good person and im polite/friendly to all so if people want to judge me for being a little nervous then it says more about them. Im determined to beat this tho! Thanks again guys ye are great support defo gave me food for thought!

LegacyUser

You might be surprised (disappointed?!) to realise how little time other people spend thinking about you! And I don't mean that in an unkind way. As others have said your colleague probably hardly noticed, or even if they did it didn't matter to them nearly as much as it mattered to you. And you can be absolutely, 100% guaranteed they certainly weren't thinking about it when they got home that evening and definitely are not thinking about it 3 or 4 days later.

Anxiety can be crippling, I understand that. But even people who don't suffer with anxiety have their own stuff to deal with. Their heads are so full of their own lives, family, job, homelife, washing, cooking, shopping etc that most people really have little time, or inclination, to fill their days picking apart people they have fleeting conversations with.

Continue to work on yourself. You seem to be on top of it, as much as you can be. Don't dwell so much on what others think of you, because chances are, they're not thinking of you at all!! (In a nice way, of course 😉)

marklynch065

Thanks so much guys. Your replies have been a huge comfort to me. I'm still a bit concerned tho about my panic attack in front of the student i had been having a pretty stressfull day and although i managed to make small talk in front of her i got the feeling that she was a bit concerned for me she looked a bit worried i had real shaky voice and just felt awkward. Its such bollocks. When im calm i can be so smooth and talkative yet incidents like this just **** with my confidence. Anyhow hopefully it wasnt too noticeable. I just pray that everything works out for me. Thanks again guys!