What do I do? I need help

Makapakka

What do you do when you're being bullied? Do you stand up for yourself, knowing the bully will come back with another retort, or just ognore it? My ex is bullying me through text, demeaning how I parent our child, and blaming me for so many things that I don't want to go into here.. I I reply, he's getting a rise out of me and I know what his response will be like.. I can ignore it a lot but every know and again he says something and I just have to stand up for myself but I regret it because he comes back with something worse.. What do I do??

tomwaterford

Block him??
Or change your number and just keep that one for contact with him when you need to??

Call me Al

Personally I'd probably dedicate a phone especially to him. And I'd only switch it on when I had to. He would tired of talking to himself after a while.
Get yourself another phone for using daily. He doesn't need to know or be told the number of that one.

Ann84

Hi op, been through similar. I started keeping a record of abusive texts and emails and after a few months showed it to him (well a photo of it!) and told him if he kept it up I'd go to the guards and file for a safety order against him.
It's emotional abuse and although I didn't intend on going that far, showing him I was tracking his behaviour and messages was enough to get him to stop actually...
Might be worth a shot for you too... Say nothing and don't reply but just write down date, time and content and keep the messages... Build it up and show it to him and watch that snideness disappear.

florawest

You poor thing, I too get some not so nice ones, most times I can let it over me but some just stick, I generally ignore I have replied but just along the lines of cop yourself on and take a good long look at yourself and don't be blaming me for your own problems, my child is 10, so have few years yet of communication, keep the texts, talk to a family member/friend and say yipee to freedom from him, he is probably jealous that you are coping so well, good luck with everything

Makapakka

Thanks for your replies. I already have a separate number and keep it hidden except when access is the following day. I am keeping record of everything too. Showin him might change his attitude alright.

amdublin

Is there anyone you can go through for contact. For example only take texts from his mother (your childs granny) and reply through her as well.

Makapakka

amdublin wrote: »

Is there anyone you can go through for contact. For example only take texts from his mother (your childs granny) and reply through her as well.

Unfortunately not, his family aren't in the country.

amdublin

Makapakka wrote: »

Unfortunately not, his family aren't in the country.

They don't need to be really. He texts her. She texts you. You text her. She texts him.

Is there a friend who can be this middle person for you?

Witchie

Make sure you take screenshots of the texts and upload them to google+ as private or some other cloud based storage so that you have access to them if you lose your phone or he smashes it or something.

I agree with the advice that he might stop if you tell him you are keeping track of the messages and bringing them to the Gardai or your solicitor and if necessary will stop him having access to your child if he continues to make your life miserable. I don't mean this in a use your kid as a pawn way but as a way for him to understand that this sort of bullying behaviour is going to impact on your child by causing you to feel upset and also that if he is being this hateful and mean to you that you can not be sure that he isn't filling your child with harmful nonsense or emotionally abusing them.

If he can see the damage he is doing and the potential damage to his child, it may just make him stop.

Rubberchikken

keep a track of his texts/msgs etc but stop responding. it's just feeding him. i realise you're trying, and i realise there are times you want to respond to clarify certain things, but just one response keeps a person like this going.

Makapakka

Thanks for your replies. I have given the phone to my mum who doesn't give it back until the day before access. I keep screenshots of everything, I have about 200 as this is going on a few years now. I have a notebook dedicated to written documentation and I have contacted the gardai about it on occasion.

It's just the mental effect it has on me that I need help with, n by giving the phone to my mum, it will hopefully lessen the amount of times I hear the phone buzzing n start getting anxious.