LIVING WITH THE EX

lilydonoghue

My husband ended the marriage a year ago because we were always having arguments. However he didn't move out and although we put the house on the market nobody has come to view it in six months. He runs a business from home and I go out to work. I feel trapped and not able to move on and I think it isn't very manly of him not to leave as he ended the marriage. I just want peoples opinions. I earn the bulk of the income which is still in a joint account. I went for legal advice and it was feck all use to me here and now

Alias G

lilydonoghue wrote: »

My husband ended the marriage a year ago because we were always having arguments. However he didn't move out and although we put the house on the market nobody has come to view it in six months. He runs a business from home and I go out to work. I feel trapped and not able to move on and I think it isn't very manly of him not to leave as he ended the marriage. I just want peoples opinions. I earn the bulk of the income which is still in a joint account. I went for legal advice and it was feck all use to me here and now

Maybe you should "man up" as you put it and find another place.

pablo128

You could offer to buy him out?

RentDayBlues

If the relationship is over, start by opening an account of your own and dividing your finances. You can either move or stay put and hope someone buys the house, but in the meantime sort out the financials.

Nervous Wreck

What does being "manly" have to do with anything? You've got the house on the market, you're making steps forward. When the house is sold, you can go your separate ways. If you don't like the situation as is, move out. He has no obligation to vacate, nor do you. So either put up with it or move out, cos it doesn't sound like he's going to.

Ann84

Op, I would hate to be where you are! If the house isn't selling, can you ask him to buy you out?
If he is working from home maybe he is more attached to the house - plus, do you really want to stay in that house?!

I hope you are going to counselling to get some support and work though the emotional side of things but practically, you guys should sit down and chat about splitting the finances and possibly one of you buying the other out of the house!

You will feel better once living apart and will be able to start moving on, so try to get that ball rolling even without selling

ivytwine

Not a single viewing in six months?! It's your estate agent you should be talking to, they can't be doing any kind of decent job on actually selling the place.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be, but if he's happy with the status quo, you'll have to leave or buy him out.

Sound Bite

I can't see you getting much sympathy here due to your manly comment!

If you don't like the situation, you are not bound to stay and can seek alternative accommodation.

If you've had no viewings in 6 months, perhaps the asking price is aspirational rather than realistic. I would be asking serious questions of the estate agent or getting another one.

Diamond Doll

It would be a good idea to stop using the joint account for a start! Or at least keep it very strictly for only mortgage and bills.

Ursus Horribilis

Lily, maybe you need to be more proactive. If you read back over what you wrote, it's quite passive. I get the impression you believe that because he ended the marriage, he should be the one who should be doing all the running. You're sitting back too much I think. Two things jumped out at me from your post.

1. Nobody coming to see the house in 6 months. That's very odd in my opinion. Unless your house is a dump, is overpriced or is located in an actual landfill, surely someone will have wanted to view the house. I bet if I ask who dealt with the estate agent and put the house on the market, you're going to say it was your husband. Is it him who deals with the estate agent rather than you? Would it be ludicrous to suggest that your husband doesn't want the house to be sold? He's running a business from it so he may not want to change his contact details, business cards, website etc. Is he turning away prospective viewers? Did he deliberately have the house priced too high so it won't sell? Perhaps viewers have come to the house unbeknownst to you and he's turning down bids. You're at work all day, remember?

If this sort of thing is going on, I think you ought to change estate agents. Whatever you do though, don't have a situation where two estate agents (one for him, one for you) are trying to sell the house. It'll never get sold

2. Set up a new bank account of your own and have all of your wages paid into that. You might be on iffy legal ground regarding the money in your joint account. Maybe legal advice might be needed on that. My point is, why are you continuing to bankroll your husband's creature comforts? Apart from the inconvenience of having you around in the evenings and at weekends, life's not too bad for him, is it? I presume during the daytime he's using the heating, electricity and broadband you're paying for. A drying up of funds might concentrate his mind somewhat. Especially if there's a missed mortgage payment or two.

Regarding the legal advice you got, go to a different solicitor and see what they have to say. Not all solicitors are up to speed with this side of the law so shop around. At some stage one or the other of you is going to have to give way. Your husband is hoping it's going to be you so he's sitting tight. Taking the stance that he should be manly is going to get you nowhere. You need to bring this to a head in some way or you'll still be sat at home with himself for a long time yet.

Exclamation Marc

Considering he 'runs a business from home' it's probably a more difficult prospect for him to move out. Being manly is irrelevant.

Keep the joint account for bills and mortgage but segregate the rest and get the house sold asap. As others said, 6 months and no viewings is very peculiar so you should figure out why that's the case and remedy it.

magneticimpulse

I would take same advice as above. But can you not move in with a friend or parents? I think number one is to move on and not be living under the same roof. If you cannot afford to rent a room somewhere, surely you have family you can stay with until you sort everything else out? It would give you the head space you need to start a new life