Went looking for a massage in town.... people are so judgmental!!

Under_Graduate

Note: I posted this yesterday but, it escalated into some nasty bickering as to whether I was attempting to avail of sexual services - WHICH I WAS NOT - so I hope we can keep this one pleasant.


It's like this.

I've taken a break from working out over the past while, but over the last week or so, have been getting back into it.

Well, it was a bit of a shock to the body.
Some serious aches and pains - deadlifting, squats and clean and jerks - I was basically aching all over, to the point where I was in pain climbing the stairs.

So - when I was working out regularly before, I used to go for a massage every week.
But that was abroad - not in Ireland.

So, the natural thing to do would be to find a massage parlor and get a good deep tissue massage.

Well, I'm based in a relatively small town in the west, so we mainly have spa massages in hotels which, from what I understand, do not really offer what I would be looking for, and they cost a God Damn arm and a leg.


So, I browsed online.
Saw a place that does "Reiki" massage.
Checked it out. Not suitable; I ask them anyplace that might be...
They direct me to a couple of beauty Salons near by.

Well.....


I go up the stairs and in the door to this "beauty salon".
Had never been to a beauty salon before.
No need I guess.
So I'd absolutely no preconceived ideas of how I might be met, or how they might regard a male, on the premise.

I push the door open.
Nice looking joint. Display cabinets, bright, clean, modern.

I see the receptionist. Fairly young gal. Irish. Late 20's early 30's I would say.
She glances at me, and suddenly this look crosses her face as if she's just been engulfed in an unpleasant odor.

She quickly returns her attention to the computer screen behind the reception desk, like she's trying to ignore the fact that - holy cow - there's a man on the property!

I have to catch her attention again by saying, "hello, good afternoon", at which stage she looks at me like I've just rudely interrupted her.

I make the mistake of jumping right to the point, instead of clarifying that I'm only here as a desperate last resort, and am in genuine physical discomfort.

"Do you offer a massage in here?".

Again, she fixes me with this fleeting stare, whilst her upper lip flickers in what appears to be disgust.

"Oh, we do massage, but not for men", she curtly responds, and again returns her attention to her computer monitor, like she's absorbed in coding a new ground breaking computer application for Microsoft.


Two ladies are sat to my right, one getting nails done, the other doing.
As soon as they've overheard my question, they seem to stiffen as if a bolt of electricity has just shot through them, and they both slowly turn to face me, with what appears to be apprehension, mixed with morbid curiosity - like they're bearing witness to a real life pervert, potential sex offender material.

Now I know what you're thinking.

"You're reading too much into this pal. They probably barely noticed you etc etc".

Whether you choose to believe or no, there was this unmistakable air of revolt that permeated the place.

Being met with this curt response, which was followed by a deliberate indifference which basically said, "please get the f%ck off the property immediately", I was kind of, well, I guess, momentarily abashed.

I asked if she could recommend a place that may offer this service.
She mentioned the name of a spa I had researched, which cost more than a full course meal with a bottle of wine, for a half hour massage.

I sheepishly made my way to the door, I suppose you could say, completely taken aback, at how judgmental these supposedly innocent everyday places could be.
In my mind, the "beauty salon", now represents a den of feminism, where men are abhorred, and are looked on as reprehensible sexual predators.


Anyways - to conclude this lengthy narrative, I did eventually find somewhere to cater to my requirement.

Out of painful desperation, I went into a foreign owned tanning salon to inquire.
The gay owner gave me the contact details of a lady friend of his who worked from home, who specialized in deep tissue massages, for a reasonable price.

Made an appointment, had a great session, all above board.
No funny business, nothing to be afraid of.

Sheesh!

PS - the masseuse was Hungarian - not Irish - go figure...

Mister Vain

TLDR

Custardpi

So there was finally a happy ending to your story?

Groupon is your best bet in future. Lots of massages on offer there. I've had two. One normal. One deep tissue. Also I reckon your gym has a facility that offers messages.

So this whole story is about as hole-y as my years old boxers.

sonny.knowles

Was the masseuse hot? Did you get wood?

Kenny Logins

Good to see this had a happy ending.

Ave Sodalis

You went in and asked for a gent's massage...

Under_Graduate

Deleted User wrote: »

Groupon is your best bet in future. Lots of massages on offer there. I've had two. One normal. One deep tissue. Also I reckon your gym has a facility that offers messages.

So this whole story is about as hole-y as my years old boxers.

You obviously missed the part where I said, "I'm based in a small town in the west".
We're barely out of the pre-historic era here.

My gym doesn't even have showers, never mind an on location massage therapist.


Also- Groupon?
Never heard of it...
I assume it doesn't exist outside of Dublin.

sup_dude

sup_dude wrote: »

You went in and asked for a gent's massage...

Yea, I'm almost certain the story is bullsh1t. Even my local crappy gym offers massages.

Badly Drunk Boy

sup_dude wrote: »

You went in and asked for a gent's massage...

Exactly! Asking for a deep-tissue massage or a sports massage might have been better. And the 'If you know what I mean' meme that you linked to doesn't help in your explanation here.

ScottStorm

Had a similar experience of beauty salon / I was given a voucher for but got my massage once past the idiot receptionist.

Don't know about down west but its easy enough to find a sports oriented masseuse on the east coast.

Under_Graduate

sonny.knowles wrote: »

Was the masseuse hot? Did you get wood?

Yes, she was actually a total cracker.

But no - the "deep tissue" part inhibits any type of arousal.

Someone driving their elbow into you back has a funny way of keeping your mind completely impartial.

Under_Graduate

Under_Graduate wrote: »

You obviously missed the part where I said, "I'm based in a small town in the west".
We're barely out of the pre-historic era here.

My gym doesn't even have showers, never mind an on location massage therapist.


Also- Groupon?
Never heard of it...
I assume it doesn't exist outside of Dublin.

Of course you've heard of Groupon. Don't play the fool.

Look up your local area.

ScottStorm

Under_Graduate wrote: »

Yes, she was actually a total cracker.

But no - the "deep tissue" part inhibits any type of arousal.

Someone driving their elbow into you back has a funny way of keeping your mind completely impartial.

Really?, I always got wood in thailand even when they clearly performed wrestling ing submissions on me.

LDN_Irish

Feckin spa.

Under_Graduate

sup_dude wrote: »

You went in and asked for a gent's massage...

I didn't say that.

Show me where it says that.


Regarding the meme.
That was just pre-emptive - cause no doubt someone was gonna post something similar anyways.