For those physically abused as kids ?

celligraphy

I like many other adults had a terrible childhood , physically abused every day and mental torture so to say by a parent . Started going to counselling over it , and I seem to be so angry these days and upset over everything constant new memories of abuse , anyways for those who suffered the same how do you deal with it ?

Is there anyway you cope when bad memories arise ?

intheclouds

I come from an alcoholic home and have many traumatic and upsetting memories.

For me, speaking out loud about my past in group therapy really helped me deal with my anger. Sometimes now the memories surface and rather than try to push them away like I did before, I let them come and I cry if I need to and try to let the emotions happen, it's ok to experience upset and anger so long as you can move through it I think.

I suppose the key is support. Do you have any support outside of your counsellor? Any groups you can join, physical or even online? It helped me a lot to know that I wasn't alone in what I had experienced or how I reacted to it. I stopped feeling so isolated and worried all the time.

Best of luck with it, it's great you are working through it, even though it's a very difficult journey, it's rewarding to heal.

seenitall

Hi OP,

anger coming up to the surface is a good sign. Before I got angry, I was just messed up and sad. For a long, long time. Anger is a sign of things shifting, of you moving out of the helplessness phase. You just need to learn to think of it as a good thing, and to channel it well, like bashing into pillows or a punch-bag at home, and not into other people, either physically or verbally.

For years after getting out of the situation, I used to have violent dreams about my abuser hurting me. Then, at some point in the process, the dreams changed - I remember they started to be about me hurting them, badly. It was explained to me that it was a good thing, all the suppressed emotions of anger and hate that this person engendered in me by constant abuse were finally ready to come out and I now felt safe enough for them to do so. My dreams were telling me that I was a survivor, not a victim.

In recent years, I have turned another page yet again - I have after years of counselling discovered that there is a large part of me that is on the way to forgiving this person now. In the past, I had held so much anger that I had never for a second thought it possible. I don't for the life of me know how that happened, I'm not a psychologist, but I guess that in the whole difficult and lengthy process, there comes a time when you start reaping the rewards of it for real, and that lovely, fabulous peace of mind and a healed you actually become a reality.

Counselling, counselling, counselling.

The best of luck to you.

RhubarbCrumble

Hi Celligraphy,

You could be me writing that post. That's EXACTLY how I'm feeling at the moment and due to the exact same situation. I've been to counselling, but at the moment I'm just so pissed off and angry about everything. I'm dreading Christmas because of family. I'm upsetting myself way too much over it at the moment.

Anyway, apart from the counselling I went to reiki. I don't know if you'd be into it or not. I was a bit sceptical to be honest, but didn't think it would do any harm. When I went in I didn't tell the practitioner exactly why I was there, just that I was under a lot of stress. I didn't go into any detail, but I was shocked with what she was able to tell me. Straight away she could tell me that there I'd had childhood problems and that there was a dominant male figure (father). I bawled my eyes out in there, but in some weird way I came out feeling lighter, if that makes sense?
It's a few months since I've been, but I know I need to pay a visit again shortly.

caille

Hi OP, the best advice I can give you is to really look after yourself while you are having the counselling. Eat well, sleep well, exercise, go out with your friends and do the things that make you happy. It sounds so clichéd but I can't stress enough how important all this is to help you cope with the counselling. And afterwards, when you have finished it, keep minding yourself. I have had counselling a few times over the years and this is the best advice I got.