Advice from those who have been there

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Myself and my gf of five years broke up in the Summer, it was a mutual thing and although its been hard, I thought I was over the worst of it. Anyway, I just found out from a mutual friend that she has started seeing someone else and it's hit me like a tonne of bricks.

I suppose deep down as much as I hate to admit it, I had hoped for an opportunity to reconcile when the dust had settled, you know on a night out over xmas or something. Bit stupid but couldn't help thinking that way.

I've kissed a couple of girls but other than pining for my ex I haven't felt anything about any other girl. I just want to get out of this depression and feel ok about being on my own! I'm late twenties btw.

Corvo

Reads pretty much the exact same as what I went through.

I broke up with my girlfriend of six years in the summer of 2013, and pretty much immediately regretted it, but I was too stubborn to go back and felt that it was part of the process (I also had separate personal issues which had a large effect on the relationship) I was 23 years of age at the time and we were living together.

Come Christmas time, when it started to hit home that I would be spending it alone and that I missed her dearly, I made an attempt at reconciliation only for her to turn up on my birthday (St Stephens Day) with another man in the pub. She was extremely polite and obviously just wanted to move on, whereas at that moment I fell apart and it did not recede for quite sometime, and I became more and more bitter and frankly, hateful (Obviously I am not proud of any of this)

My advice would be, don't go down the road I went down, which was become totally hung up on the idea of getting her back when there was obviously no chance of that happening. You could quietly sound her out perhaps, try your best to make amends and stay civil, but I imagine in most situations like this, it would be over and there is no going back. Even more so now that she is meeting someone.

Although you will hear this from your own mates or anyone you ask for advice from, it is best to put a smile on your face and go out and enjoy yourself, especially with Christmas approaching. As I said, I went through a very similar experience. But I handled it wrong and it took me a long long time to build back her friendship (she is with someone else now, and we remain the best of friends - in fact she text me as I type this to tell me she got a new job).

Things do improve and that feeling does go away, even though when you feel like that, you would swear a piece of you died with that relationship.

Move on, head up. Don't go chasing women like a dog in heat, enjoy yourself with mates / family and the rest will come naturally. The fact you were with someone for five years and actually felt a level of emotion upon its ending shows you have a good heart and are caring. Plenty of girls after that. Believe me.

pookie82

Immediate advice? Cut contact with her if you haven't already, delete her off all social media. Don't pine over photos or search for who this new guy is or torture yourself with pictures of them looking happy together. It'll make you wallow and pine.

DyldeBrill

I wouldn't so much delete her from social media but I would block her so she's not coming up on your news feed. The best thing for you to do is move on from this. Easier said than done at the end if the day and it can be gruelling trying to get over someone, but once you meet someone else the you completely forget why you were so down in the first place.

I'm not said go out and get in a relationship with the 1st girl you see but get out there and socialise you never know kw what could stem from that.I can't stress enough how important it is not to contact her, it will only drag on and on and torment you even more in the end. It's completely normal to feel like this so you're it alone in that .