upsetting my friend?

Sesudra

Hi guys, just something that's been on my mind lately.one of my best friends is currently selling their apartment and buying a new house.they've been messed around with contract dates, mortgage approval and the like and are getting very very stressed.

As you'd expect,this is a main topic of conversation when we meet or are messaging each other.the problem is,any time I try to cheer her up or make suggestions for how to destress,she blows up and says I'm not taking things seriously.once I realised this was upsetting her, I took to saying 'I know everything will work out' or 'fingers crossed for you', which resulted in her getting annoyed for me saying that because 'how could I know everything would be alright?'

I messaged her this evening about plans we have next week and she told me she was so tense and anxious about the apartment sale which is to go through this week, she had to take a break from the phone and she'd talk to me tomorrow

What am I doing wrong?everything I say upsets her, do I just ride it out until the house stuff is sorted?

Ursus Horribilis

She has lost the plot in a big way so I think standing back and leaving her be for now would be the best course of action. She has wound herself up so much I don't believe she's capable of seeing life outside of this sale/purchase. Give her space and let her make contact in her own time.

I've never been as stressed as your friend but I have to admit that when things are going badly for me, I get pissed off by well-meaning comments from people. I've never been rude to them but I can feel my blood pressure rise when I hear quotes like "at least you have your health" and "you'll be fine". Maybe these points are true but when you're stressed, worried and in uncertain times, these sayings are insincere cliches.

Also, while I know you mean well in what you're doing, trying to cheer her up is somewhat ill judged. In her current mental state that's the equivalent of rubbing salt on a wound.

R.D. aka MR.D

Send her a message and say something like 'I can't begin to imagine how much stress you are under at the moment. I'm always here for you if you want to talk. Just get in touch and let me know.'

That way, she is the one to contact you whenever she wants. It's not a falling out as it leaves the door open for her when she returns to normal.

Some people don't react well to being 'cheered up'. I usually say something like 'that must be very difficult, I can't even imagine' and then silence. That allows them to change the subject.

castaway_lady

Step away from the phone. She has issues at the moment and clearly isnt rational. Now she's stressing you too. She's your buddy but she is all self involved at the moment and you're a casualty of that.

Stop texting her until she texts you/ apologises.

ManOfMystery

I have a friend who gets stressed over everything. And when he's stressed, nothing you can say will make him feel better. Whether it's moving house, his car failed MOT, he's had a bad day at work, his dinner is slightly overcooked, etc - everything is negative, negative, negative. Try and perk him up or say something positive and he has a retort for it. I'm not even talking about cliches like "there's always light at the end of the tunnel" or "tomorrow's a new day, start afresh" - cos they're pretty irritating - I'm talking about good advice on improving his situation. Yet, as history has shown, he inevitably gets over these hurdles anyway and it's all forgotten.

To be honest, it's f**king exhausting trying to be a friend to someone like that. We all have bad days, we all get stressed at times, but most of us can recognise that when a friend is trying to show concern or make you feel better you can at least acknowledge that and not leave them feeling like they're a spare leg and everything they say is a waste of time.

It's a form of self-centred-ness really. Well at least, that's my opinion on it. Your friend is not the first person to experience a bit of stress with a house sale or purchase, and snapping at you when you're trying to help isn't fair.

woodchuck

It sounds like your friend isn't looking for solutions or cheering up. It sounds to me like she's just looking for you to agree with her basically and maybe join in with moaning about how terrible it all is. Not that it's any fun for you, but I reckon that's what she wants from what you've said.

CaraMay

God she sounds like a total drama queen. I've a friend who is like this and it's exhausting. Leave her to it and see her again if her humour improves. Some people get addicted to the drama.