Getting back stuff from ex

LegacyUser

So basically around 5 weeks ago, I broke up with my ex. A messy one at that. Her actions decided what happened, but it was me that broke up with her, even though for the weeks after it is not what I had wanted.

I tried to contact her to talk to her about the break up etc but she started acting all aggressive & abusive towards me instead. Really bad stuff to be honest. I have been trying to contact her again, because a lot of my clothes are still at her house. I want them back, well most of them, as some of them are nice and I do not want to give her the satisfaction of keeping them. We are in our mid 20s so I thought she would be a bit more mature about it.

Eventually last week I got the most conversation out of her about meeting up to give back clothes & other items. I know her schedule off by heart from when we were together so I know she was being shady regarding times she was available. I asked her to give me back my stuff as she has being putting it off every week. She said she would text me this week with a day to exchange the stuff. She was claiming to be not around, but snapchats later that day show her out & around the town.I left it there at that and hoped she would tell me this week.

I know today, based on social media activity that she is off work and doing nothing, but still has not text to tell me when we can exchange the clothes. And now, by snapchat, I know she is just at home. She is putting it off but I think she is just being stubborn and trying to make me unhappy for some reason, as she knows I want them back.

Should I try force the issue or not?

LegacyUser

NeedAvice wrote: »

I do not want to give her the satisfaction of keeping them....
.... I thought she would be a bit more mature about it.

Take the beam from your eye before you complain about the splinter in hers. The best approach I've known friends to take in this situation is to leave the stuff behind unless it's particularly expensive or of sentimental value. She's hurt and may well be deliberately awkward about the clothes to express that, but you decided it was over and now you're bordering on stalking her in an effort to suit your schedule for closure. Let it go and if things change and you get it back, it's a bonus.

mud

It's a tough situation. On the one hand, of course you should get your stuff back, and return any of hers and be able to draw a line under the relationship.

On the other hand she's clearly trying to pull your strings by not being sound and stringing you along.

I know when my last relationship ended I was very accommodating to my ex and even let him in the house while I was at work to get his stuff. That relationship didn't end well and to be honest I just wanted his stuff to be gone.

It's a bit weird that she isn't happy for you to get out of her life. I think it may be a good idea to unfollow her on social media as that won't do you any good whatsoever.

Try once more to arrange a time to collect your stuff. If that doesn't work then I would just say fuuck it and put it down to experience. The amount of stuff I've lost to exes over the years would be depressing if I let myself think about it!

Whatever you do, don't get upset or angry as it sounds like she may be trying to provoke a passionate response. Keep your cool and hope it all works out for you.

Mr. Incognito

Send her a text and say please give my stuff to charity. I can't be dealing with your immature nonsense.

It will either provoke a response for her to give it back or you will lost the stuff but on your terms and will take all the power from her stringing you along.

bp

I don't really get snapchat to be honest but doesn't she have to send you a pic for you to see she is home? (I may be wrong). Also unfollow her on all social media

Regarding the clothes text and say "I will call over at x time on x day to get my stuff and return yours. I would understand if you don't want to be there when I arrive" (or something along those lines)

skallywag

Since you know her schedule quite well can you not just ring her bell sometime when you expect her to be home? Seems like the easiest way of dealing with this, go the direct route. It's possible to get some things done without using social media you know ;-)

ManOfMystery

skallywag wrote: »

Since you know her schedule quite well can you not just ring her bell sometime when you expect her to be home? Seems like the easiest way of dealing with this, go the direct route. It's possible to get some things done without using social media you know ;-)

This.

When you know an ex is being deliberately awkward, why waste time with texts/snapchat/etc trying to arrange a time to call in? If you know she's home, just ring the doorbell. When she answers, a simple "I'm here to collect my stuff" is all you need to say. She'll need a pretty good excuse not to hand it out to you.