Some advice please

geez

Hi so me and my boyfriend are going out over three years. He recently joined instagram. A few days ago when looking at pics he put up I saw that he was following some models and playboy etc. All these women putting up pics of them on their underwear. Would you be annoyed by this?

ElleEm

geez wrote: »

Hi so me and my boyfriend are going out over three years. He recently joined instagram. A few days ago when looking at pics he put up I saw that he was following some models and playboy etc. All these women putting up pics of them on their underwear. Would you be annoyed by this?

Are you annoyed by it? If so, why?

geez

I feel its unnecesary. He liked quite a few of them and I felt it was a bit excessive in that he was followimg nothing else other than half naked women

ElleEm

Have you spoken with him about it?

Ursus Horribilis

Broadly speaking, would you agree that most men like looking at ladies in nice underwear?

geez

I have he seems to think I am over reacting and that is the whole purpose of instagram. He says he will delete it but that to me is besides the point. I just wanted other peoples opinions on whether they think im being over the top

Ursus Horribilis

Out of curiosity what age are you both?

ElleEm

Men are visually stimulated. They like looking at pretty girls. Do you have a problem with him watching porn and stuff? If so, why? To me, it would be a non issue, but fair play to him for respecting your feelings and closing his account.

geez

Yes i would agree that men like to look at women I am just surprised that thats all he seems interested in on instagram. Im late 20's hes early 30's

geez

I don't have a problem with him watching porn but for some reason this bothers me. I think its beacuse I think its excessive as he has no other interests on it. Thanks for replying i just wanted others opinions on it

lifeandtimes

would you bothered if he was on the beach and all the woman there were in scantly clad bikinis? would you tell him that he couldn't look at them?

You sound very insecure, it woman in limited clothes on the internet, no one in real life, just for viewing pleasure only

same as woman going to shows about the fully monthly or drooling over pictures of channing tatum on facebook

but for you he has closed the account and if i were you id leave it there or try and get to the route of my own insecurities

geez

I don't actually want him to delete his account i just want him to explain why he has no other interests other than half naked women.
I have no interest in drooling over anyone else but him thank you very much

ElleEm

geez wrote: »

I don't actually want him to delete his account i just want him to explain why he has no other interests other than half naked women

on instagram!


Maybe there is little else on Instagram he wants to see photos of. Women are nice to look at and men like to look at them. You would absolutely have a right to give out if he ogled every woman walking down the road but this is a photo sharing website, and he is (shock horror!) looking at photos. You should really stop putting so much focus on social media.

njs030

geez wrote: »

I don't actually want him to delete his account i just want him to explain why he has no other interests other than half naked women.
I have no interest in drooling over anyone else but him thank you very much

You sound very insecure and strangely defensive. People in relationships don't go blind and its pretty unusual to meet someone in a long term relationship who has never ever glanced at someone else. I'm quite suprised in 3 years you've never seen another man who was worthy of a second glance.....even celebrities?

Are you comfortable with your own looks? It's not as if he's going to run off with them so really you have nothing to be worried about. Maybe you need to work out why it makes you so unhappy- especially when he's offered to delete his account, that should have been the end of it but its obviously still upsetting you.

beyondbelief67

geez wrote: »

I don't actually want him to delete his account i just want him to explain why he has no other interests other than half naked women.
I have no interest in drooling over anyone else but him thank you very much

I wouldn't like it either, I'd find it a bit disrespectful, and I'm not an insecure person, or jealousy flying type of woman either, just old fashioned and believe in respecting the person I'm with and expecting to be respected back.

geez

Yes i see no point in him deleting his account and he would only be doing it for me but I never askef him to. Undoing what he did isnt really going to make any difference.
I consider myself attractive and I certainly dont think hes going to run off with any of them but regardless I would prefer if he was a little less interested. Plenty of other things he could focus us. I am entitled to my own opinion

ElleEm

beyondbelief67 wrote: »

I wouldn't like it either, I'd find it a bit disrespectful, and I'm not an insecure person, or jealousy flying type of woman either, just old fashioned and believe in respecting the person I'm with and expecting to be respected back.

Appreciating the aesthetics of the opposite sex is not disrespectful though.

beyondbelief67

ElleEm wrote: »

Appreciating the aesthetics of the opposite sex is not disrespectful though.

I wouldn't say people follow them online or buy the magazine just to appreciate the way they look but your entitled to your opinion as I am to mine.

Rachiee

I really don't think it's that big a deal they're just photos some women are really nice to look at. A nytime I've had a partner we've discussed who we find attractive celebs wise I don't see this as different it's just eye candy if he uses instagram as an electronic stroke book that's fair enough too keeping appetites up is an important part of maintaining a good sex life.

Well i think there is a subtle difference here in that he's actually created an account for the sole purpose of "liking" these pictures rather than passively looking at them. I'm not saying it's anything dodgy obviously and i reckon I'm as easy-going as they come on this kind of thing, but like OP, I'd be wondering what the point of going to that effort is? It's a small bit bemusing.
Unfortunately also like OP i don't have any answers. I can see where you're coming from though.

LegacyUser

I can totally see where you're coming from, it's a bit much for a 30 something man. If it was me I would be disappointed to find his only interests on Instagram was that, of all the things that are available. Like has he interests in real life, I presume he does? Why like the pics, that's kind of weird too if you're only on for a gawk. If you don't like this behaviour you don't like it, you dont need approval from strangers about your opinion. I would be particularly sensitive too about that kind of thing, not because I'm insecure or anything, it's just I want to be treated the same as I treat my boyfriend, with respect and I don't particularly want to look at anyone else.

geez

Op here he does have other interests and I was quite surprised to see he was following so many. After talking he now knows how it could have been disrespectful. I dont think he fully understood my point of view iniatally. Hopefully it is now resolved

lifeandtimes

geez wrote: »

Op here he does have other interests and I was quite surprised to see he was following so many. After talking he now knows how it could have been disrespectful. I dont think he fully understood my point of view iniatally. Hopefully it is now resolved

Is it though? What happens when you catch him looking at say scoreboard woman at a fight or some models on TV on a show and you aren't happy about it,will you tell him off?

geez

Thats none of your business lifeandtimes. I have no interest in any more of your opinions.

Taltos

geez wrote: »

Thats none of your business lifeandtimes. I have no interest in any more of your opinions.

Mod Note
And with that we're done here. Thread closed.

OP, have a read of our charter. You don't get to pick and choose who gives you advise here and while you might not like all of it you are expected to be civil. Otherwise all that will happen is you'll be carded or as in this case your thread closed.