Should I meet this girl?

LegacyUser

Met a girl online. Seem to get on very well, and from the pictures she has up I would be very attracted to her as well. Have been talking to her for about 2 weeks now. Only a few days ago we asked each other what we do for the first time. Here is my concern.

She has a highly prestigious, high powered and well paid job...

I on the other hand have struggled career wise from pretty much day one from leaving college. I have an honors degree, but never have been able to make use of it to build a decent career. Have spent months at a time unemployed and currently work in a fairly low paid dead end job. Tbh still have no idea what I really want to do for a career and that is obviously one of my major stumbling blocks.

Should I bother meeting this girl? I cant help but feel that we are too different in this regard. We are both late-ish 20's.

ManOfMystery

This sounds like a massive dose of insecurity on your part.

She has a good career, is attractive, and you get on well - why on earth would you not meet her? Does she not tick all the boxes? Not to sound harsh, but are you going to ignore any women who have done well in term of career - no matter how well you get on with them - and aim only for underachievers so you don't feel you're 'below' them?

I know you haven't met her yet, but give this a chance. If she's any way sensible and normally adjusted, she'll like you as a person regardless of what differences there are in your career progressions. You should extend the same hospitality to her. Meet up and see how it goes, you have nothing to lose really. Who knows - getting to know someone career driven like that may help you focus more on what you want to do with your own.

LegacyUser

Go and meet her. If she holds the job against you, she's not worth meeting twice. If it goes well, God knows, you wouldn't be the first fella to find the right woman was a catalyst for him to up his game. Nothing to lose and lots to gain.

GavMan

If you talked about your career does far (and been honest about it) and she still wants to meet up, then I don't see the issue.

However, if you haven't been honest with her then you're off to a bad start there.

pookie82

Think of it this way OP, if her job had such a bearing on who she felt a suitable partner was, there are dating sites to cater for this, Elite Singles or whatever it's called and Guardian dating websites etc. where people can actively seek others who are on the same "social" level as them.

She's not on one of these, I assume. Therefore you should take it that her career has no bearing on how she views others and who she's looking for.

What if she's one of those girls who sits in a pub on a Saturday night and tells her mates "I'm sick of guys who are intimidated by me just because I have a good job, all I want is to meet someone who's nice to me"!

Give it a go, meet up with her if she wants to. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. Were you honest with her about your job? Or did you lie?

LegacyUser

OP back again.

Thanks for you're replies guys. To clarify a couple of things. We spoke very briefly about what each other work as. I gave as much detail as she did and I didn't lie.

@ManOfMystery - It is of course coming from a place of insecurity on my part. I acknowledge this. However is there not some realism in my concern? Such as, if she wanted to buy a house I'm sure she could easily afford a very nice one, or she is probably accustomed to going on lavish holidays from time to time. Just arbitrary examples, but none the less neither of which are on my horizon.

I have had girlfriends with good jobs before so its never really been a concern before. But as soon as this girl told me what she does I couldn't help but think "how could that possibly work then?!"

We have kind of talked about meeting up some time next week, but even given the very valid points given already I cant help but think I will come out of the exchange feeling worse about myself.

ManOfMystery

You're asking logical questions ............ but I don't think they're questions that really need to be asked at this stage.

Look - if everyone in the world was matched up with people on a similar payscale or career level, it would be a pretty boring place. Rich people sometimes marry rich people, sometimes rich people marry poor people, and sometimes poor people marry poor people. And then become rich! The point I'm making is that any potential relationship with this lady will either work or not work based on how compatible your personalities are, not on how lavish (or not) your lifestyles are.

Personally I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Just because she may be well off doesn't necessarily mean she indulges in lavish holidays, or expects to be taken out to Michelin star restaurants. You've nothing to lose - if you like her, ask her out, and cross those other bridges if and when you come to them.

Shrap

OP, till you said you were in your 20's, I honestly thought you could have been talking about a good friend of mine. High powered prestige job, decent pay and wouldn't go near a man in her field because she finds the prevailing attitude too overpoweringly self-satisfied.

However (and this is a big however) she invariably goes for artistic types who wax lyrical about their wonderful ideas and finds out shortly afterwards that they have zero life-skills in the real world and are quite often at home with Mammy, and doing zero work.

You don't strike me as that kind of guy. As above, it would be a boring world if like only attracted like. My friend actively doesn't want someone in a similar wage bracket to herself, she wants someone with a similar outlook on life, a similar sense of fun and a decent companion. If you two get on great and are attracted to each other, then that's all it takes. And for god's sake have some pride in holding down a dead-end job while you wait for something better to turn you on! Well done! Tell yourself well done :cool:

beks101

You're making a lot of assumptions about her based on what she does for a living.

Maybe she's not as wealthy as you'd think. I've a barrister friend who's perpetually broke due to Bar Council fees and stints of under employment because of delayed and dismissed trials. I know junior doctors who've been drowning in hefty medical school fees for years whilst working 70 hour weeks. It can take any kind of specialist years, perhaps decades to make the bundles of money you're envisaging this woman has at her disposal (EG enough to afford a lovely house on a whim or regular lavish overseas trips)

Money aside, you met this lady on a dating site. She's presumably looking for someone special, someone to feel happy and comfortable with just like you. Maybe she's met the high-flyers and is sick of their bullsh1t. Maybe she'd like something different from her professional life in her personal life. Maybe she hates relationships that revolve around talking about work, or working around each other's ridiculous schedules. Maybe she cares more about kindness and generosity and affection in a man, or his ability to make her laugh and make her feel loved, as opposed to his earning power.

Give the woman a chance. If you're not compatible you'll figure that out pretty soon after meeting.The only thing that's holding you back now is your own insecurities.

LegacyUser

Of course you should meet her, OP!
It might surprise you to know that there are girls who prioritise other things over& above money. Kindness, a sense of humour, DIY skills, communication skills, a sense of adventure, chemistry, & even good looks
Don't assume anything. Yes she's in a high-powered job. What's to say she didn't find herself through college? That her family may be from a normal , working class background? That she's dated the high-powered guys& found they didn't suit her? Have an open mind! Think of her by her name& not by her job title

stargazer 68

Op you are way over thinking this IMO. You are arranging a date for a drink or coffee not a wedding!! Meet the girl and enjoy yourself.

mapaca

Yes of course you should meet her. She could be your perfect match! Give it a chance at least, you've nothing to lose.

As regards your career, plenty of people have trouble getting started, at least you're working now. You won't be stuck in that job forever.

sbsquarepants

I had a conversation a while back with a guy I work with and he comes out with this line "My problem is, my wife earns over double what I do" my answer was "Jesus, I wish I had that problem". Go for it - don't go making assumptions about what this girl wants or expects, you could be wildly wrong!
There's more to life than your career, it's only a job at the end of the day!

castle

This is a girl plain and simple and I am sure she love to meet a guy who is happy self assured and does not come with baggage that will end up making her feeling annoyed that she met you . This is your chance to be forward and get life back on track tell her you in a job that pays the bills but looking for a better opportunity to enhance your career, If she a nice person she wont worry what your job is but more your attitude which will be the downfall of you unless you buck up, never speak off money as it is vulgar to do so just go enjoy life as we are menat to do ,

Sleepy

When we first met, my earnings were multiples of my now wife's and clearly that wasn't a problem.

For all you know, a less career focused guy might make an ideal partner in this girl's eyes. If she loves her job a career focused guy with the same outlook would mean one or the other having to give that up / step back from it should they ever want kids together. A guy who's not interested in working 60 hours a week may be a far better potential partner to her.

Maybe she doesn't want kids at all and fancies having a more relaxed partner to come home to after a stressful day at the office.

Maybe she's a bit naieve and thinks it's possible to "have it all".

Maybe she wants a partner with a matching career focus and income, maybe she'd prefer the opposite, maybe she hasn't given it any thought at this stage in her life.

Right now, you haven't even met her. Seriously, what's the worst thing that could happen if you meet her for a coffee? Ye turn out to be incompatible and you've spent a fiver on an over-priced cappucino? Seems a cheap punt to me.

LegacyUser

OP again.

Thanks for the replies lads. Needed to hear these things. I really did. We are meeting up for a coffee next week.

ManOfMystery

Glad to hear OP. Hope it goes well, and enjoy yourselves.

And if she wants to pay for the coffee, don't read into it! :P