Ex problems

LegacyUser

Hi all,

So i bumped into my ex the other day for the first time since we broke up. It's been over 7 months now.

To add some background, she broke up with me and completely broke my heart in pieces. I still go over the breakup everyday in my mind and truthfully I haven't been dealing with it very well at all, but I am slowly getting better.

Bizarrely, I found myself talking politely about nothing in particular with her and when I asked if she'd like to get a coffee, she politely refused. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't even have stopped to talk - it was a very cruel breakup. But I did and it has shaken me a bit.

Anybody out there have any advice about the best way to move on from someone who you don't think you could ever forgive, but still really miss, and who has clearly moved on from you.

jus_tin4

Personally the best way in that situation, is remove them from your life. Its hard and you'll ender if it was the right thing but its the best, and maybe only thing you can do for yourself. Its okay to care about them and miss them occasionally, but they made their choice, and you have to just try accept that and move on whatever way you need to.

Confucius say

Asking her out was foolish. You don't ask out the girl who dumped you, you're setting yourself up for more disappointment. Just keep living your life and forget any notions of getting back with her and before you know it she won't matter anymore and you could even find someone else eventually.

LegacyUser

Guest2222444 wrote: »

I still go over the breakup everyday in my mind

Far from not dealing with it well, this is not dealing with it at all. The meeting was an irrelevance really, all it did was demonstrate to you just how little you've dealt with it. You really need to start taking some positive steps to move on, meet other people, get busy with hobbies, spend time with the right people, get counselling, or whatever it is you need to do to not be thinking about it, then the next meeting won't go so badly for you.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I know exactly what you're going through. I was dumped almost a year ago by a girl I was mad about and like your breakup, it was very cruel. There wasn't any thought given to me, I was treated with contempt towards the end even though I was always good to her and it was just like 'see you' and she dropped off the face of the earth. I was picked up a few times and thrown away like a used toy when she had her fun. I also made the mistake of contacting her a couple of times after and didn't get a single word back.

There isn't a day where I don't go through the break up, what I could have done differently, what I could have said, what I didn't say etc. I then think about her and the times when things were going good, arguments we had and all of that stuff. I think this way because I was in love with the girl and there's voices in my head telling me that I blew it and you won't feel that way about anyone again. Deep down I know that's not true. I don't think it's healthy to obsess about an ex like this but one thing it has given me is serious fuel to improve myself in all aspects of my life and that's what I'm doing. Although I should hate her, she's still on my mind but I'm improving myself mentally and physically and that's a good thing.

She's with someone else now and while it did hurt to think she could move on without me like that ( a month later ) I've accepted it. One thing I would definitely recommend is blocking her on social media. I unfriended her on Facebook straight away but she still would crop up on my page from time to time and then I'd click onto her profile and see her looking happy with her new guy and it made me feel like ****, so I'd recommend you block her from Facebook if you haven't done so already, also Snapchat etc, delete any pictures you might have on your phone and most importantly her number.

I find when I'm kept busy, these thoughts don't surface but I work a job where I get to think a lot so that doesn't help. I've had a few flings since and it also took my mind off it but I won't be going into a new relationship just for the sake of it, as that wouldn't be fair on the other person or myself. Just bide your time, try to improve your appearance, look at getting fit, dress well when you're on a night out, take some weekends away with your mates, join a club. Do all sorts of positive things, it's the advice given on here all the time because it does work. Start laying foundations to put yourself in a position to meet the next girl, someone that won't treat you like dirt.

There is no quick fix but keep busy and keep positive. Don't worry about her anymore, she's someone else's problem now.

pookie82

Confucius say wrote: »

Asking her out was foolish. You don't ask out the girl who dumped you, you're setting yourself up for more disappointment.

I don't read it as he asked her out as such, just that in the moment perhaps he suggested they grab a coffee rather than stand on the street catching up.

Either way OP, why don't you look on this as a clean break. The start of a fresh start you so badly need. You've been mourning the relationship for months and nursing your hurt. You've met her again and she's not even interested in grabbing a coffee (which is probably a good thing if she's over you, it wouldn't have helped you at all). She's gone, it's over, and it's time to look to the future and draw a line under her and all of it.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone so much for your advice - I really appreciate it.