Is it possible to live a happy life without romance or any form of sexual encounters?

Mahogany

I have convinced myself I will never experience having a family or a wife/partner. I'm only 22 I know but these are supposed to be your formative years (ie sleeping with lots of people) and it's just not happening for me. There are always excuses. I'm an attractive guy, good hygiene, varied personality, I'm a nice guy to all women (without being a pushover) There are no reasons why I can't be having what other people in my social circles are having right now.

So I've officially given up and I'm going to focus my energy on other aspects of my life, things that I can change.
Doesn't matter if I have all the confidence in the world, you can't make someone want to sleep with you, let alone kiss you.

Is it possible to live a normal live suppressing these basic instincts?.

ColeTrain

You're giving up, at 22?!

You need a bit of perspective, it's all in front of you yet. If you're going out to meet girls with that type of attitude, they'll sense it. Try to relax.

ManOfMystery

I'm sure it can be done. Nothing's really impossible if we put out minds to it. But unless you're a buddhist Monk living in isolation high in a mountain in Tibet, it can be very difficult to reconcile your lifestyle choice with the lifestyle choices of those around you - family, friends, workmates and so on. In the West at least, that lifestyle is heavily based on relationships, dating, socialising, and all that entails, and it's hard to isolate yourself from that.

But look - at the risk of sounding condescending, you're only 22. When I was 22 I'd only had one steady girlfriend, and that was probably a fluke. You have many, many years ahead of you and it's very young to be making a drastic lifestyle choice because you feel you're missing out on something you feel you should be experiencing. It seems to me like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself at a young age when you should be more relaxed and casual about it, and perhaps any women you meet are picking up on this energy. One thing that is very, very unattractive to a member of the opposite sex is any hint of desperation, no matter how remote.

What methods have you used to try and find a partner - I assume you've done the usual pubbing and clubbing approach? Online dating? Clubs where you might meet someone with similar interests? etc.

baby and crumble

you're only 22!

I was a virgin until 21 and have been happily loved up for going on 12 years now. Seriously, I know it seems like the most important thing ever, but you're barely past being a teenager. Cool the jets, it'll happen. Focus on yourself though, and you'd be surprised what happens.

Emme

Yes you can live without sexual encounters but at 22 don't give up yet!

You're right to focus on things you can change now but there will be a time for meeting women. A few generations ago people used to wait until marriage to have sex and sometimes that wouldn't happen until late 20s/early 30s. That was regarded as perfectly normal in those times.

A lot can happen in a year so you may think a lot differently this time next year.

tcif

Mahogany wrote: »

Is it possible to live a normal live suppressing these basic instincts?.

No, and why would you want to?! When I saw the title of your thread first I assumed you simply didn't feel any need for a relationship or sex and if that was the case, then yes, you can live happily like that if it's what you want. But if it's not, you can't suppress it and shouldn't try - you'll bend yourself out of shape psychologically in the attempt.

You're only 22, but to be honest, I'd say the same thing if you were 42 or 62, or frankly 82 - life is for living and loving and there is someone out there for you. Lots (hell, most!) of us go through lonely times in our lives when we feel like giving up on meeting someone special and then one day, there they are...Hang in there.

Mahogany

ColeTrain wrote: »

You're giving up, at 22?!

You need a bit of perspective, it's all in front of you yet. If you're going out to meet girls with that type of attitude, they'll sense it. Try to relax.

I didn't always have this attitude, I used to be quite successful on the romantic front but all of a sudden it all changed, can't really pinpoint why but the last two years my track record has been abysmal and everyone laughs about it.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

What methods have you used to try and find a partner - I assume you've done the usual pubbing and clubbing approach? Online dating? Clubs where you might meet someone with similar interests? etc.

Yep, I'll get a swipe on Tinder but when I start talking they don't reply, this happens with everyone not just one or two, doesn't make any sense Then the clubbing the odd time I'll pull someone but it'll never go anywhere, they don't reply on Facebook. Most time I try pull I get the usual "Ew no go away" body language.

baby and crumble wrote: »

you're only 22!

I was a virgin until 21 and have been happily loved up for going on 12 years now. Seriously, I know it seems like the most important thing ever, but you're barely past being a teenager. Cool the jets, it'll happen. Focus on yourself though, and you'd be surprised what happens.

That's the thing though, there's always excuses. If I'm focusing on myself, I'll get the whole "He didn't seem interested in me" excuse thrown at me.

miamee

Mahogany wrote: »

I have convinced myself I will never experience having a family or a wife/partner. I'm only 22 I know but these are supposed to be your formative years (ie sleeping with lots of people) and it's just not happening for me. There are always excuses. I'm an attractive guy, good hygiene, varied personality, I'm a nice guy to all women (without being a pushover) There are no reasons why I can't be having what other people in my social circles are having right now.

So I've officially given up and I'm going to focus my energy on other aspects of my life, things that I can change.
Doesn't matter if I have all the confidence in the world, you can't make someone want to sleep with you, let alone kiss you.

Is it possible to live a normal live suppressing these basic instincts?.

The bit I have bolded is a very good idea, focus on things you enjoy and can progress in. It's possible that you will meet someone via one of your interests or hobbies or maybe you won't but either way you will be happier with yourself if you pursue your interests and focus on yourself for a while.

Tbh, lots of people have little to no relationship experience at your age. Of course it's not something they'll be broadcasting so everyone thinks they are the only one in the same boat.

The rest of your life is a very long time so to assume you can predict how it will go for the next 60+ years is a little silly. Just accept that you are single for now and make the most of your spare time in whatever you enjoy doing.

ManOfMystery

Mahogany wrote: »

Yep, I'll get a swipe on Tinder but when I start talking they don't reply, this happens with everyone not just one or two, doesn't make any sense Then the clubbing the odd time I'll pull someone but it'll never go anywhere, they don't reply on Facebook. Most time I try pull I get the usual "Ew no go away" body language.

First off, Tinder (and a lot of other dating apps/sites) are absolutely full of fake profiles. So the pool of females who you think might be interested is probably a lot smaller than you think.

Asides from that - why give up? Why not change your profile, change your pics, update things a little - see what works and what doesn't work. Sometimes your profile text/description can make all the difference.

When you say you pull someone clubbing, I assume you mean you have a snog or whatever and then try contacting them on Facebook later. Why not ask for their number there and then?

LegacyUser

Mahogany wrote: »

Is it possible to live a normal live suppressing these basic instincts?.

The tittle of your thread reads "Is it possible to live a happy life without romance or any form of sexual encounters?" and the answer to that is yes for some people it is but you've pharsed it very differently here - you've used the word suppress and the answer there is no. There are people who do go happyily through life without the need for romantic partners or sex but the key there is it's not something they want so they aren't suffering going without. You do clearly want this but are giving up too quickly as it's not going the way you want. You should take your own advice and focus on other areas of your life. Going to a club or tinder to meet someone isn't the way to go. It's all fake and shallow. Get invovled with other activities, clubs and hobbies. Someone whose clearly just out to score and desperate is a turn off for most people so relax and focus on enjoying your life. You might have to wait as you build up your circle of friends to meet someone but better to have no sex for 6 months then your whole life.

beks101

With all due respect, OP - LOL. You're 22. When I was your age the sum of my dating life added up to a few terrible drunken one night stands and a few gropes behind the school shed. I thought I'd die alone surrounded by 49 cats and smelling like piss and never having had a boyfriend.

I'm 30 now and have had more sex and more boyfriends since then than I can even remember (and I don't own a single cat :pac:)

I know that two years seems like a lifetime at your age, especially when you're surrounded by lads that are 'riding rings around each other' full of the 'fcuked fifty girls on tinder last week' bravado. Here's a secret: they didn't. No-one is getting laid as much as you think. Lots of lads your age haven't had sex in years or at all: they just won't tell you that. It sounds good to shyte talk about women as though you've seen more ass than Hugh Hefner at your age. By the time you're my age you'll laugh at it.

Here's another tip: we women hate feeling like a piece of ass. We don't respond to crude, 'any hole's a goal' sort of attitudes and we'll sniff them a mile away. Sidling up to some woman for a cheeky grope or chatting to a woman online with the sole goal of getting into her knickers will be about as effective as a chocolate teapot. Added to that: online dating automatically means you will be shot down more than you'll get a 'hi' at a ratio of about 10:1, and that's if you're not approaching in the aforementioned way.

So relax. Try having the craic with a woman instead. Try getting to know her. Try chatting to her as you would your male mates: as an equal. With a bit more body language thrown in. Smile, laugh, don't take yourself or the game too seriously. Dating is a headfcuk anyway, you may as well let go of the angst and take it as a pisstake and try to enjoy it.

R.D. aka MR.D

Excellent advice from Beks101.

Maybe your approach is wrong. I know, I as a woman, was way more receptive to the sleazier come ons before I turned 21. After that, I'd become a bit more knowledgeable about men's motives.

I know you say that you are nice to women but you also have stated your goal is to sleep around with lots of different women. The older you get, the easier it is to spot guys like that. There is nothing wrong with that ambition but you are picking from a smaller pool of women who are also just interested in casual sex.

Don't give up on a wife/partner because when you are ready for that, you might find the right person.

thegreatgonzo

Mahogany wrote: »

I'm only 22 I know but these are supposed to be your formative years (ie sleeping with lots of people)
QUOTE]

Who says you are supposed to be sleeping with lots of people? Seriously who makes this stuff up?

Penny Tration

Op, if you're supposed to sleep with lots of people at your age, I missed that memo, and I'm only a few years older than you (26).

I never slept around, never had a one night stand, none of it, and the number of people I've slept with is low for my age. I can tell you one thing though - I've probably had more sex, much kinkier sex, and more sexual experimentation than anyone I know. But you can do that with one person. You don't need to sleep around to have lots of sex!

Anyway. Yes, people can live happily without sex or relationships, if that's what they want. It's not what you want though, so you can't live happily without it forever.

Beks' post is something I suggest you read, and read again, and read again.

Getting out and working on yourself and focusing on other things is a great idea, because anything that makes you happier is a good thing!

But don't take it so seriously when it comes to dating. You mention you're nice to women. Are you? Cause if I thought all a man wanted from me was sex (something you've alluded to), I certainly wouldn't consider him nice! None of us (men or women) want another person thinking we're all right for a shag and not much else. It's degrading.

Make friends with women. No ulterior motive, just look for friendship. Hell pick women you're unattracted to and make friends with them, so you don't risk wanting to shag them. Through them, you might learn how to communicate better with women you DO like.

At the end of the day though - you're too young to write yourself off already. most people your age have had very few sexual partners, very few relationships and very little experience, despite what they may tell you.

Typer Monkey

Judging by your over-reaction to this bit of a dry spell that's happening in your young life, you seem to have a tendency towards self pity and the dramatic OP. You should probably ensure you're not demonstrating this in your real life interactions as it's very unattractive in my opinion.

Rubberchikken

of course you can lead a life relationship/sex free. millions do.
but at 22 do you really want to be making that decision? let it go for the moment. enjoy the things you do. enjoy the company you find yourself in and above all, enjoy life.
if you find that relationships etc don't happen, then so be it. but don't give up just yet.

Mahogany

miamee wrote: »

Tbh, lots of people have little to no relationship experience at your age. Of course it's not something they'll be broadcasting so everyone thinks they are the only one in the same boat.

Maybe that was the case in your social circle, but not in mine. Most people have had multiple relationships.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

When you say you pull someone clubbing, I assume you mean you have a snog or whatever and then try contacting them on Facebook later. Why not ask for their number there and then?

Tried that, they say no.

beks101 wrote: »

Here's another tip: we women hate feeling like a piece of ass. We don't respond to crude, 'any hole's a goal' sort of attitudes and we'll sniff them a mile away. Sidling up to some woman for a cheeky grope or chatting to a woman online with the sole goal of getting into her knickers will be about as effective as a chocolate teapot. Added to that: online dating automatically means you will be shot down more than you'll get a 'hi' at a ratio of about 10:1, and that's if you're not approaching in the aforementioned way.

So relax. Try having the craic with a woman instead. Try getting to know her. Try chatting to her as you would your male mates: as an equal. With a bit more body language thrown in. Smile, laugh, don't take yourself or the game too seriously. Dating is a headfcuk anyway, you may as well let go of the angst and take it as a pisstake and try to enjoy it.

Why am I not entitled to desire casual sex like everyone else? Also when I befriend them first i get friendzoned. So again I am left with no one.

Also I do not see all women like that, but what's wrong with wanting to not be serious with someone? You say you can sense that stuff and that men are being pigs but you still go ahead and do it anyway

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Judging by your over-reaction to this bit of a dry spell that's happening in your young life, you seem to have a tendency towards self pity and the dramatic OP. You should probably ensure you're not demonstrating this in your real life interactions as it's very unattractive in my opinion.

I used to be confident, be successful in my relationships, this dry spell didn't happen because of my attitude. It happened regardless and is the CAUSE of my attitude. So when it reverse, then my attitude will.

Rubberchikken wrote: »

of course you can lead a life relationship/sex free. millions do.
but at 22 do you really want to be making that decision? let it go for the moment. enjoy the things you do. enjoy the company you find yourself in and above all, enjoy life.
if you find that relationships etc don't happen, then so be it. but don't give up just yet.

I don't want to make this decision I feel like I have to, so I can avoid the constant rejection and hurt from all the women I pursue.

OP- a defeatist attitude, like the one you're giving off here, is unbelievably unattractive. Incredibly so. And while you probably don't think it comes across when you're talking to people, you'd be wrong.

You mention the fact that people don't reply on Tinder. You have to remember that with regards to online dating, women can have their pick from absolutely anybody. Men are a dime a dozen when it comes to it. For every one message you send them, they are receiving ones from a dozen other guys.

So you have to stand out more.

With regards to online dating, a smart move would be to look at other men's profiles. See what they're doing with their profiles, with regards to bios, to photos, and just how they come across in general.

You're 22 and you're giving up on sex. When I was your age, I was having little or no sex and didn't even have a serious relationship until I was 22/23. But then the older I got, the more I grew confident in myself, and I started having more and more, that by the age of 30 I can look back and think, "welp, I've had a lot of fun".

Fix your attitude. Talk to women without the goal of bringing them home, but instead of getting to know them. Ask questions. They might take you home, they might not.

Also you mention that you're an attractive guy - something that should be remembered is that not every woman is going to think this. And you need to be OK with that. Hell, there are some women that don't find Brad Pitt or George Clooney attractive. They're wrong, of course - those dudes are dreamboats! :pac:

LegacyUser

Mahogany wrote: »

I don't want to make this decision I feel like I have to, so I can avoid the constant rejection and hurt from all the women I pursue.

So it's too hard so you just give up? Then live the rest of your life in a box so. If you've already decided it's not worth the risk of hurt then just go without, it won't kill you OP but it's quite clear it won't make you happy so your going to have to risk the rejection.

I get it sucks to get rejected but there is no fix for this other then get up off the floor and keep trying or give up. If you want to give up fine, do it but don't come whinning on here about it. You've made the choice that it's too hard and you can't be bothered and you have to live with the result, otherwise time to get back on the horse OP. Even if all your after is a fun night with no strings most people (not just women, people) can feel a negative vibe and it's turn off.

Speak Now

Mahogany wrote: »

I have convinced myself I will never experience having a family or a wife/partner. I'm only 22 I know but these are supposed to be your formative years (ie sleeping with lots of people) and it's just not happening for me. There are always excuses. I'm an attractive guy, good hygiene, varied personality, I'm a nice guy to all women (without being a pushover) There are no reasons why I can't be having what other people in my social circles are having right now.

So I've officially given up and I'm going to focus my energy on other aspects of my life, things that I can change.
Doesn't matter if I have all the confidence in the world, you can't make someone want to sleep with you, let alone kiss you.

Is it possible to live a normal live suppressing these basic instincts?.

Stop thinking about it and in about 5 years times you'll be amazed how different your outlook is. If your listening to friends talking about their conquests then you can divide the amount of times they've done it by 10 and they are still exaggerating 😉

Shrap

Somewhat similar to a post above, I too thought this all or nothing attitude of yours is pretty black and white and smacks of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

On the other hand, while I would never say "give up" (because that's an extreme overreaction to being single), the fact that you are stepping back and taking the pressure off yourself to date and get laid is a good move. You seem jaundiced by the online dating site experience, so just leave it off for a while and enjoy your life.

Being single is not an affliction, so try not to define yourself by your "lack" and get with defining yourself as just you and the things you enjoy doing. Everything in it's own time OP - if you were 3 years single from now on, so what? You'd only be 25! I'm 43 and only 4 years into the best relationship of my life. Love and sexuality don't suddenly become unobtainable after your 20's.

Shrap

Mahogany wrote: »

I don't want to make this decision I feel like I have to, so I can avoid the constant rejection and hurt from all the women I pursue.

Woah! Missed this when I commented just there. Read that back to yourself OP. Does it sound to you like you're implying that you've been forced to think of yourself as sexless and with no hope of romance by all those nasty women who turned you down? It does to me. Sounds dreadfully bitter actually.

148multi

beks101 wrote:

With all due respect, OP - LOL. You're 22. When I was your age the sum of my dating life added up to a few terrible drunken one night stands and a few gropes behind the school shed. I thought I'd die alone surrounded by 49 cats and smelling like piss and never having had a boyfriend.

The quickest way to change a person's attitude towards you, is by changing you're behavior towards them.

Mahogany

Shrap wrote: »

Woah! Missed this when I commented just there. Read that back to yourself OP. Does it sound to you like you're implying that you've been forced to think of yourself as sexless and with no hope of romance by all those nasty women who turned you down? It does to me. Sounds dreadfully bitter actually.

Don't see them as nasty, just see it as a sign that it's not meant to be for me. That my life won't have that area fulfilled.

Mahogany

Mahogany wrote: »

Don't see them as nasty, just see it as a sign that it's not meant to be for me. That my life won't have that area fulfilled.

Or maybe just that you're asking the wrong women ...

You really have to change and fix up your attitude.

silverharp

OP I wouldnt sweat it , some guys dont get into their stride until their late 20's. Your main job is to work on yourself and be the best you you can be and for your own sake not to necessarily attract a girlfriend. Work on your career and what you want to be doing long term after that have a look at your social life etc. its a great time if you have a bit of money to do those things you couldnt do when you were a student, it could be sailing or anything. Give pubs and clubs a miss as they are a huge time and money waste, join some clubs or otherwise put yourself into situations where you can meet women in a more natural way. Otherwise work on your appearance if you need to , joining a gym can give you confidence and again the object should be to make yourself feel better.
that being said nothing wrong with having the attitude that it doesnt make you failure if you dont meet anybody. Bad relationships are worse than none and its probably never been a better time to be single.

LegacyUser

Mahogany wrote: »

I have convinced myself I will never experience having a family or a wife/partner. I'm only 22 I know but these are supposed to be your formative years (ie sleeping with lots of people) and it's just not happening for me.

So you think everyone, everywhere is sleeping with lots of people!?? Are you basing this on how many girls your mates are (or say they are) sleeping with? Have you been reading all them lifestyle articles about how everyone (except you!) is hooking up as easily as ordering Dominos??

Funny thing - I'm one of the few single guys in my main group of friends. Over the last year or two, my married/settled friends have become increasingly intrigued and fascinated about my love life. Why? They're reading all these articles in their sunday papers, on their facebook feeds on cornflakes boxes or wherever - about how old fashioned dating and relating has been transformed into some kind of sexual free for all where casual sex, hook ups and gettin the ride are as easy as....well, ordering Dominos. They are genuinely interested to hear about my adventures in this brave new world. Some confess that they're genuinely jealous that this kind of thing wasn't around when they were playing the field (and some even go so far as to say that it all makes them wish they were single again).

To my friends, I'm not doing too badly but I always take great care to explain that it's very easy to get a completely warped view of how things are by reading these articles. For a dude, dating and hooking up still requires effort - and a lot of resilience!! There's really nothing casual about casual sex (or for me, the odd fumble in the dark every now and then...). Just don't believe everything you watch/see/read OP. It really saddens and upsets me to see all jealousy and discontent that this kind of journalistic tripe generates in people's minds. Must be kind of hard to process if when you're still young. I'm in my early 30s now so at least I have the benefit of a bit of perspective.

And whatever you do, don't become embittered towards women. Women are great!! I love them. Just relax, enjoy their company make some good friends. You'll find chatting 'em up much easier if you can be comfortable with them. Hang in there amigo!

LegacyUser

You're going to get advice from women here. So that's useless to you but I'm a man, so I understand how your feeling.

1) Get off Tinder. Attraction between human beings happens at face to face. I think it's opposing immune systems that are the main factor (as it'll give a child a better chance at survival if they can fend off a greater range of diseases from birth) as well as a person's smell and some other things. I'm not saying you want children or anything like that, but apps eliminate meeting someone face to face and prevent nature from doing it's job. It's also a hotbed of lies and many women use it from matches and nothing else, solely to boost their confidence. So you're washing your time with that ****e for a start.

2) Stop chasing women. Most of them, even the ones who appear like angels at first, are not worth your time. Prancing around ****ing nightclubs trying to pull is complete degeneracy as well, you never hear of a successful relationship beginning with a double vodka and twerking.

3) your time is better spent on improving yourself and learning new things that you want to do. But you should not be doing it in the hope you will get women though, you should solely be doing it for yourself. Sort your life out the eay you want it.

Will you ever meet someone? Couldn't tell you chief, I can't see into the future. Neither can you, but you can certainly take some steps in making it a hell of a lot more interesting for yourself and if you are set on having no romantic life, yes it's completely possible. Ask yourself, do you want to be forty and look back on all the chasing birds through piss soaked dance floors and swiping on your poxy phone as the highlight of your 20's? Or do you want to remember it in a blaze of adrenalin, laughter and adventure? Because I can tell you which one is more interesting for a start.

Mahogany

Yeahitspossible wrote: »

You're going to get advice from women here. So that's useless to you but I'm a man, so I understand how your feeling.

1) Get off Tinder. Attraction between human beings happens at face to face. I think it's opposing immune systems that are the main factor (as it'll give a child a better chance at survival if they can fend off a greater range of diseases from birth) as well as a person's smell and some other things. I'm not saying you want children or anything like that, but apps eliminate meeting someone face to face and prevent nature from doing it's job. It's also a hotbed of lies and many women use it from matches and nothing else, solely to boost their confidence. So you're washing your time with that ****e for a start.

2) Stop chasing women. Most of them, even the ones who appear like angels at first, are not worth your time. Prancing around ****ing nightclubs trying to pull is complete degeneracy as well, you never hear of a successful relationship beginning with a double vodka and twerking.

3) your time is better spent on improving yourself and learning new things that you want to do. But you should not be doing it in the hope you will get women though, you should solely be doing it for yourself. Sort your life out the eay you want it.

Will you ever meet someone? Couldn't tell you chief, I can't see into the future. Neither can you, but you can certainly take some steps in making it a hell of a lot more interesting for yourself and if you are set on having no romantic life, yes it's completely possible. Ask yourself, do you want to be forty and look back on all the chasing birds through piss soaked dance floors and swiping on your poxy phone as the highlight of your 20's? Or do you want to remember it in a blaze of adrenalin, laughter and adventure? Because I can tell you which one is more interesting for a start.

Solid advice, cheers dude

Annasopra

Perhaps you are asexual.

Yeahitspossible

Yeahitspossible wrote: »

You're going to get advice from women here. So that's useless to you but I'm a man, so I understand how your feeling.

1) Get off Tinder. Attraction between human beings happens at face to face. I think it's opposing immune systems that are the main factor (as it'll give a child a better chance at survival if they can fend off a greater range of diseases from birth) as well as a person's smell and some other things. I'm not saying you want children or anything like that, but apps eliminate meeting someone face to face and prevent nature from doing it's job. It's also a hotbed of lies and many women use it from matches and nothing else, solely to boost their confidence. So you're washing your time with that ****e for a start.

2) Stop chasing women. Most of them, even the ones who appear like angels at first, are not worth your time. Prancing around ****ing nightclubs trying to pull is complete degeneracy as well, you never hear of a successful relationship beginning with a double vodka and twerking.

3) your time is better spent on improving yourself and learning new things that you want to do. But you should not be doing it in the hope you will get women though, you should solely be doing it for yourself. Sort your life out the eay you want it.

Will you ever meet someone? Couldn't tell you chief, I can't see into the future. Neither can you, but you can certainly take some steps in making it a hell of a lot more interesting for yourself and if you are set on having no romantic life, yes it's completely possible. Ask yourself, do you want to be forty and look back on all the chasing birds through piss soaked dance floors and swiping on your poxy phone as the highlight of your 20's? Or do you want to remember it in a blaze of adrenalin, laughter and adventure? Because I can tell you which one is more interesting for a start.

1) Online Dating and Tinder isn't necessarily a waste of time. It increases the pool you're looking in for a potential partner. Also I really don't think smell or whatever matters much when, realistically, what this guy really wants is to have sex and have sexual encounters. I've had numerous ones from dating sites.

2) Many people have had relationships that start on nights out. In fact, outside of meeting in work, sports activities, and online dating, nightclubs and pubs would likely be the biggest place to find them. Again, also have had ones on nights out.

3) This I agree with. This guy has a serious attitude problem and is such a defeatist. I've said this numerous times in this thread, because it is true. Work on yourself. Exercise more. Get more hobbies. Join up to social clubs - check out meetup, look into events organized through boards (there's loads organized through the Regional forums, in the Gentleman's Club, After Hours, the Ladies Lounge, etc.), and maybe consider counselling.

At his age, he's far too young to be having such a negative, defeatist, and slightly unhealthy attitude towards women.

LegacyUser

[Deleted User] wrote: »

1) Online Dating and Tinder isn't necessarily a waste of time. It increases the pool you're looking in for a potential partner. Also I really don't think smell or whatever matters much when, realistically, what this guy really wants is to have sex and have sexual encounters. I've had numerous ones from dating sites.

2) Many people have had relationships that start on nights out. In fact, outside of meeting in work, sports activities, and online dating, nightclubs and pubs would likely be the biggest place to find them. Again, also have had ones on nights out.

3) This I agree with. This guy has a serious attitude problem and is such a defeatist. I've said this numerous times in this thread, because it is true. Work on yourself. Exercise more. Get more hobbies. Join up to social clubs - check out meetup, look into events organized through boards (there's loads organized through the Regional forums, in the Gentleman's Club, After Hours, the Ladies Lounge, etc.), and maybe consider counselling.

At his age, he's far too young to be having such a negative, defeatist, and slightly unhealthy attitude towards women.

Ah to fook, I've got to step in here

The guy doesn't have an "attitude problem towards women". I dont know which arse you pulled that one out of, but I read it as just looking for some advice and a bit of guidance, and he prefaced it with an honest question. And I dont care if he's only 22, he should be getting an straight answer.

Smell and immune systems are fundimental parts of attraction. Biology at work there.

It's possible to meet someone on tinder/dating site if you've got the mindset for it. Maybe you do you suave bastard 😜 but judging by his success, presumably the OP doesn't. Neither do I for that matter, it bores the hole off me.

To the OP: glad I could help.

Yeahitspossible

Yeahitspossible wrote: »

Ah to fook, I've got to step in here

The guy doesn't have an "attitude problem towards women". I dont know which arse you pulled that one out of, but I read it as just looking for some advice and a bit of guidance, and he prefaced it with an honest question. And I dont care if he's only 22, he should be getting an straight answer.

Pretty much the whole entire thread has been sex. Not about friendship with women. Not about relationships with them. About getting them into bed. His biggest hangup is that, despite his good looks and charm, he isn't having any luck in bedding women. You don't think someone who views women as potential sex possibilities as having a somewhat unhealthy attitude?

LegacyUser

Yeahitspossible wrote: »

You're going to get advice from women here. So that's useless to you but I'm a man, so I understand how your feeling.

....

2) Stop chasing women. Most of them, even the ones who appear like angels at first, are not worth your time. Prancing around ****ing nightclubs trying to pull is complete degeneracy as well, you never hear of a successful relationship beginning with a double vodka and twerking.

You make a very good point about self improvement and making life interesting but is there really any need for this kind of female bashing? It does nobody any favors. Very sad to read. I hope your luck with women changes soon buddy.

To the OP - I'm in a situation myself where, because I move around a lot for work, I'm not in a position to start any serious relationships. This will probably continue to be the case for at least another four or five years if I want to get to where I'm going. It's a huge sacrifice on my part (adult life contains a lot of compromise and sacrifice!) - but - I have a very interesting life and I wouldn't change it for anything. I have plenty of time for the type of self improvement mentioned above. I have no choice!

You do have a choice - just get your priorities right. Have fun. Improve yourself. Don't despair and don't ever get resentful or bitter towards women. Dating and relationships can be hard work but love - it's freakin' wonderful!!

Mahogany

I just want to clarify I do not have an unhealthy attitude towards women as many are suggesting here. I've got female friends, relatives and colleagues. It's when I fancy someone 9/10 it'll never go anywhere for whatever reason. But I'll see my peers consistently successful. It makes me feel worthless.

silverharp

Mahogany wrote: »

I just want to clarify I do not have an unhealthy attitude towards women as many are suggesting here. I've got female friends, relatives and colleagues. It's when I fancy someone 9/10 it'll never go anywhere for whatever reason. But I'll see my peers consistently successful. It makes me feel worthless.

if might be a confidence thing , like other have said play the long game and work on your career etc and it will all fall into place and at the risk getting a ton of abuse time is on your side

http://i1.wp.com/cdn.okcimg.com/blog/older_lover/Desirability.png?resize=472%2C407

Mahogany

silverharp wrote: »

if might be a confidence thing , like other have said play the long game and work on your career etc and it will all fall into place and at the risk getting a ton of abuse time is on your side

http://i1.wp.com/cdn.okcimg.com/blog/older_lover/Desirability.png?resize=472%2C407

Nah it's not, I'm confident in my looks and personality and if I'm not then I fake it.

It still isn't enough

kylith

So, when you like someone what do you do?

LegacyUser

1Perspective wrote: »

You make a very good point about self improvement and making life interesting but is there really any need for this kind of female bashing? It does nobody any favors. Very sad to read. I hope your luck with women changes soon buddy.

Hope not. Been with the same woman for four years now. Must be doing something right.

And it's not female bashing either. It's more about not putting women on a pedestal. Think about it carefully. Young men (like me and probably you as well) are told that you have to woo women, treat them like queens, go to the ends of the earth, but be dangerous but a charming gentleman at the same time. And if you think who gives that advice its generally, wait for it....WOMEN! So it's good to hear advice from the other side occasionally, even if it may appear against the status quo.

As an aside to the OP, you're making another mistake as well. Comparing your success to your friends is a waste of time regardless of whether you pull more than they do or not. I've got mates who've shagged upwards of 50 women. Most of them I've seen were utter mingers. Success does not equate to standards. Its also with noting that people who judge their success on how many women they've ****ed generally don't have anything else. No individuality, not much going on upstairs and ultimately fall short of really living. Sex is means to procreate, it only feels good because if it wasn't, humans wouldn't bother doing it and die out.

Put it this way, given the choice between having sex with a stranger (tits, arse and some noises) or jumping out of a plane (huge risk, wind, clouds, looking down on the world, adrenaline) I'd pick the latter everytime. When you start to look at the world differently and really analyse people, you get a better sense of what actually matters to you.

Mahogany

Mahogany wrote: »

Nah it's not, I'm confident in my looks and personality and if I'm not then I fake it.

It still isn't enough

Maybe you come on far too strong?

myshirt

I can't tell you where you will find a wife, but I will tell you where you won't, and that is in a dry cleaners. For some reason, particularly for apartment dwellers, the dry cleaners seems to be emerging as a hotspot of social interaction.

Certainly move away from nightclubs and try meet ladies in everyday social situations, but stay away from a dry cleaners. As much as any woman will look for a man with practical skills, any woman who can't use a washing machine herself or iron a shirt is going to leave you unsteady on your feet. Take it from a man who has seen change over time.

silverharp

myshirt wrote: »

I can't tell you where you will find a wife, but I will tell you where you won't, and that is in a dry cleaners. For some reason, particularly for apartment dwellers, the dry cleaners seems to be emerging as a hotspot of social interaction.

Certainly move away from nightclubs and try meet ladies in everyday social situations, but stay away from a dry cleaners. As much as any woman will look for a man with practical skills, any woman who can't use a washing machine herself or iron a shirt is going to leave you unsteady on your feet. Take it from a man who has seen change over time.

not a bad idea to put a couple of filters in place. I used to be involved in a bunch of mountaineering and hiking clubs in my 20's and I met my wife though one. Anyone that was prepared to sleep in a mountain hostel, clamber up mountains and walk though miles of muddy bogs has the right stuff :pac:

simdan

@Mahogany

I came up with a similar idea at about the age of 20. I was and still am a very out going and fun person who people like(d) to be around. I hung around with mates from school and girls for years but never a girl friend or had the interest in going further or making commitments like yourself.

I thought I was happy, went out a lot, went drinking, gambled and had a general care free existence until the age of 28. There were a few times between the ages of 20-28 where I had to move back in with the parents(very annoying) but it didn't bother me that much as I didn't have anyone else to worry about or major goal. I had it in my head that there was no reason to care about anything in life, which I was fine with.

Anyway, I went on holidays and met a gorgeous girl who I fell in love with, pretty much instantly. Had a long distance relationship for a year. My life and priorities changed and suddenly my goals became about us and our future together. We are now married for the past 4 years and I couldn't be happier. We have a house and a dog and we still can't get enough of each other(I do think we are slightly strange, but who cares!)

So, I think that you're probably ok in what you're doing. Everyone's life is different, if you're truly happy not having anyone and your life has some sort of goal you'll be grand. You have plenty of time and hopefully one day you'll meet a lovely person you want to spend your life with.

Good luck dude.

kylith

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Maybe you come on far too strong?

Or cocky and overconfident.

Mahogany

kylith wrote: »

So, when you like someone what do you do?

Nothing out of the ordinary, the way everyone else does it.

Mahogany

Has anyone been to a meetup event?

kylith

kylith wrote: »

Or cocky and overconfident.

Honestly, that's what the crux of the issue is. The OP says that if they can't come across as intelligent or funny, they fake it. It makes me wonder whether they come across as a try-hard.

You asked about Meetup events, do you mean one organized through meetup.com or beers/other events organized through here?

I've never been to a meetup, but it's not a dating site. Unless you go to a specifically singles event. You could use them as good practice to talk to women without your usual attempts. Just be yourself. Don't be pushy.

ongarboy

Mahogany wrote: »

Nothing out of the ordinary, the way everyone else does it.

But are you? If everyone else does it and gets better results, they are doing something differently.

I'm guessing the main difference is that they are not preoccupied with worrying about failing or succeeding and instead are just having fun regardless which removes any sense of desperation, neediness or over focusing on an end result. I'm not saying you are or are not doing these things but your defeatist attitude and outlook expressed numerous times in this thread can be visibly projected in what you say or do without you even being consciously aware of it (which may be the sub-conscious reason women back off).

Maybe you should sign up for a mindfulness course which helps you to positively focus on the now rather than worrying about the past or the future. This positive approach inspires confidence, pride, self-validation and self esteem...all of which are factors in leading a better quality of life in all aspects of your life (work, family, friends, dating/partners) as you generate positive vibes which are a very attractive quality in a human being.

LegacyUser

Yeahitspossible wrote: »

...Young men (like me and probably you as well) are told that you have to woo women, treat them like queens, go to the ends of the earth, but be dangerous but a charming gentleman at the same time. And if you think who gives that advice its generally, wait for it....WOMEN! So it's good to hear advice from the other side occasionally, even if it may appear against the status quo

....

Put it this way, given the choice between having sex with a stranger (tits, arse and some noises) or jumping out of a plane (huge risk, wind, clouds, looking down on the world, adrenaline) I'd pick the latter everytime. When you start to look at the world differently and really analyse people, you get a better sense of what actually matters to you.

Very true - we do have an enormous amount of expectations (often completely contradictory!) to fulfill. I suppose women do too but not nearly to the same extent I would argue.

I get my adrenaline kicks from motorbikes. I couldn't possibly choose between women & bikes though

LegacyUser

1Perspective wrote: »

Very true - we do have an enormous amount of expectations (often completely contradictory!) to fulfill. I suppose women do too but not nearly to the same extent I would argue.

I get my adrenaline kicks from motorbikes. I couldn't possibly choose between women & bikes though

Yeah me too actually! They'll have to pry my triple from my cold dead hands.

There you go OP. Be a young man, get yourself a motorbike ðŸ˜