Want casual sex but feel really defensive about it

LegacyUser

I've been out of a LTR for almost a year now and while I'm happy to be single, I really miss sex.

The sex with my ex deteriorated with the relationship. In the last year I completely lost my sex drive. I knew we had to break up because I just wasn't attracted to him any more.

I'd only had sex with one other person, the guy I lost my virginity with years ago. I contacted him on FB and we met up twice and had sex. It was amazing. I had never had casual sex before so wasn't sure how I'd feel, but I didn't feel dirty or anything like that, I felt great to be honest.

Now I've joined Tinder and there are endless opportunities for casual sex... I've even asked one guy to get tested for STIs, he says he will.

My only reservation is that I have this little voice in my head saying you shouldn't do this.

Society has said for a long time that a girl who wants casual sex is this a s&@t. I don't think this myself, but I think there is some programming there that all girls have.

One guy on tinder found out I wasn't looking for a relationship. He said I should respect myself, he said how would I feel if he had sex with me after he'd had sex with two other women. I thought that was an extreme example.

I guess my fear is that I'm a proud person and the thought of anyone I met for sex saying I was a s€#t after would make me so angry.

The fact is you've already given them you're body and then they disrespect you after they get what they want. Saying I had my way with a s€#t last night.

Women don't have it that easy when it comes to casual sex I think. I don't really know what my question is... I guess I just want to hear people's opinions on this.

I'm thinking of meeting older men only because they would be more mature about it. I think some young men call girls names because they're really just self conscious and it makes them feel better. An older man wouldn't have the same self confidence problems. I'm 24 and I've been chatting to a 38 year old and a 41 year old. I'd like to meet them for dates and flirting and sex for a while... just want to see what think about everything I've said above.

I probably shouldn't even be asking people to tell me what they think. I guess I still have something along the lines of the "old catholic guilt" thing (even though I'm not religious but you know what I mean).

Roselm

It's nobody's business but your own and don't let them tell you otherwise! If you feel happy and you're not hurting anyone then there's no problem.

Teafor two12345

I agree don't tell anyone and don't talk about it. Chances are they are less interested than you think.

If you have any doubts about whether you want to do it, then don't do it, because that sh1t can spiral out of control when you get there.

Casual sex can be great, but only if you're fully OK with it.

eviltwin

There is no shame in wanting casual sex. Better you are honest about your intentions that dupe someone into thinking you want a relationship. If they have a problem with it or want to judge you over it that is their problem, there are plenty of people out there who don't see it as a bad thing. It doesn't make you a slut. We are sexual beings and sex is fun and pleasurable, once you take the right precautions with your health then you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Spencer Winterbotham

Nothing at all to feel guilty about. Have fun, be safe and be discrete.

grumpynerd

fwb all the way. it's not like women have to go through anything to get their needs met.

it's just sex.

tomwaterford

So long as both of ye are adults and being safe and both happy with it being casual....go for it

cloudatlas

Womanwithneeds wrote: »

One guy on tinder found out I wasn't looking for a relationship. He said I should respect myself, he said how would I feel if he had sex with me after he'd had sex with two other women. I thought that was an extreme example.

What a horrible ****ty insecure person. You respect yourself because you are honest about your needs. How would you feel if he was with several other women? Well you would hope that he had taken precautions and that he would be safe in the knowledge that sex between two consensual adults can be a fun and healthy experience instead of some big shame filled event that he would use to air his own guilty feelings. Quite frankly, No you don't want to have sex with him as he is obviously a very insecure, limited, stupid person who is frightened by the thought of a woman having sex for pleasure and enjoyment so you recommend that he gets off tinder as it is a cesspool of people who have similar desires!

athtrasna

OP what you said about one guy getting tested for STI's has me worried. Casual sex is fine but unprotected casual sex is dangerous.

To thine own self be true, but be careful please.

LegacyUser

OP: I've been there with the casual sex issue. I can honestly say, that although the yearning was quenched by having a few different partners....in the long run it only made me feel less about myself. I went into it with open eyes, but I found that if I had relations with one guy more than twice, that I started falling for him. Regardless of whether we would have been suited as an actual couple. It's just science. Personally , it was a phase I went through, and I was so glad to finally stop. I'm still single, but from having the casual, sex now means an awful lot more....which in itself is good(for me).
There's nothing wrong with the physicality of going out and doing it with anyone you want, but it usually catches up on you on the emotional side after a while, so just mind yourself and your boundaries is what I would say.
Other than that, it's no one's business to comment on you, you're free to do as you wish. But there will always be judgemental people .....
Best of luck.
PS Did you think of investing in some toys for yourself ?

Wompa1

I'm a guy. Only had a couple of one night stands and do regret them. The s3x was lousy and somehow, some way they still managed to contact me again months of years later. Likely just looking for another go around...Having to reject them then and the fact it was lousy made it something I regret.

You had a connection with the other guy. You won't have a connection with these Tinder guys. If you're ok with it. Try it out but don't be surprised if it's lousy

Rubberchikken

if you're okay with it, then go ahead. but i feel there's doubt there, and nothing to do with religion. to me it would be doubt about how you'll feel about yourself after.
take care

Plazaman

You're an adult, if you enjoy something and no one gets hurt then there's no problem. I only echo what a couple of others have already said. Never let your desire compromise your safety or your physical or mental health.