Is she interested?

LegacyUser

Hi all
Just looking for opinions here. On Saturday night I had my 3rd date in 2 weeks with a girl I met online. All of the dates have been fun, we seem to get on, and I think she's very attractive. After the first 2, there was kind of an awkward kiss on the lips goodbye, not really reciprocated by her, and then on Saturday night when we were saying goodbye I went to kiss her and she just kind of threw her cheek in the way!
It's kind of funny I guess, I'm not used to this at all though. So on my way home on Saturday night, I was thinking right, I'm done with her, there's no way she can like me. The next evening she was texting asking how I was etc. sending me pictures of stuff she saw that day and stuff, so I mean maybe she does like me? I haven't asked her out again, I might leave the ball in her court now.
She comes across a bit shy, maybe that's all it is. I would think though, at 35, she'd be a bit clearer in her attentions. Or at least try kissing me, or be a bit more responsive at the end of the night? Plus we've drank a decent amount each time we've been out, so I thought that might loosen her up a bit. I'm not used to this, my last long term GF almost forced me to have sex with her on our second date whether I liked it or not, and a girl I was seeing recently we went home together after date two and she was all over me on the first date! It turned out I didn't really like her that much though.
This one however is gorgeous and I find her really attractive.
What should I do? Should I just let her go and not message her again?
Oh and she hadn't been flirty at all really but seems to be enjoying herself.

ColeTrain

She wouldn't have texted you the next evening if she wasn't interested, maybe she is just a bit shy.

You like the girl and have nothing to lose. Take the initiative, ask her out again and see what happens. If she agrees then just play it cool and see where it goes.

dissed doc

Where is she from?

She is sizing you up as a potential boyfriend. Stick with it if you are interested in her. If you are not you won't, it is how "sensible" women deal with guys they are checking out but not sure if it is worth pursuing yet (and i say that as a man!).

And also tge kissing thing, it is more likely that she is someone who does it when it feels right,instead of rigidly or expectantly at the end of date number 3.

Don't expect sex, just hang out and go at her pace, put your dick away if you think she might be a girlfriend potential.

LegacyUser

It sounds to me that she's definitely interested, she might just be shy/nervous about your first kiss. I used to be the same with guys I was into, but once I'd gotten over that first hurdle I'd feel more comfortable & then there'd be no stopping me:)

CaraMay

Ah if she fancied you op she wouldn't be turning her cheek. Sounds like she wants a friend tbh.

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

Ah if she fancied you op she wouldn't be turning her cheek. Sounds like she wants a friend tbh.

Yeah she's Irish, to the poster above. Cara my cynical side agrees with you although she seems smart enough to know not to lead someone on. She's been in touch this evening asking how I was and telling me about her day. Would you guys ask her out again at this stage or just leave it? Or ask her outright if she likes me? I don't want to come across as needy. I'm not a bad looking guy and I've had lots of pretty girlfriends, usually though there was physicality of some sort right from the start. So this is new territory for me. If she's the kind that doesn't rush into anything physical I can totally wait and respect that but at the same time I don't want to waste any more time if it's going nowhere!

njs030

My other half tried to kiss me multiple times and I turned away or changed it into a cheek kiss...I was so nervous though I couldn't tell you why!! I'm glad he didn't give up though!

Do ask her out again!!

LegacyUser

Yeah ok so we're going out again tomorrow it seems. So I'm like totally done if nothing happens this time!

LegacyUser

How does she respond to other gestures of affection? Touching, stroking, hand-holding etc

Hmm....Sounds to me she's not sure of her feelings for you...yet. Even if she does fancy you, it might be case of not liking some aspect of your personality, which prevents her feeling totally comfortable with you. Something is definitely holding her back from moving forward, given we're only talking about a kiss!

pookie82

Yeah if you get the cheek again I'd hit the road tbh.

I'd be concerned she'd make sex an even bigger deal if a simple kiss is still off limits after 3 dates (and I say that as a girl).

Sunflower 27

Let her chase you for a bit. Let her suggest the next meetup would be my advice. You'll find out soon enough that way. Good luck.

LuckyLloyd

SinBesos wrote: »

Should I just let her go and not message her again?

One thing I would say is that if you were to leave it - after an enjoyable three dates and chatting in between, etc - might be best to send a text explaining why. Because if you had misread things it would provide the opportunity for her to get the story straight. And it also is basic courtesy!

That said, if there doesn't seem to be any interest after newly arranged date four it is probably time to send that concluding text alright! Good luck.

LegacyUser

LuckyLloyd wrote: »

One thing I would say is that if you were to leave it - after an enjoyable three dates and chatting in between, etc - might be best to send a text explaining why. Because if you had misread things it would provide the opportunity for her to get the story straight. And it also is basic courtesy!

That said, if there doesn't seem to be any interest after newly arranged date four it is probably time to send that concluding text alright! Good luck.

Yeah after we inevitably awkwardly hug or avoid kissing later on, I won't arrange anything again. Tbh in lookin forward to it anyway as we've had fun and she's good company. But yeah no point flogging a dead horse. I think I'll leave it after tonight, if she arranges something after that I'll tell her I'm hesitant because she's totally holding back physically and I'm not sure what to make of it. I've been on tonnes of dates in the last few months, I'm done with it after this saga concludes, it drains you!

sparkledrum

A few years ago I went out with this guy I really fancied. We went on about 4 dates and he did nothing by way of kissing or anything but I knew he liked me even though I wondered was it just my friendship he liked. Anyway on date 5 after drinking quite a bit of wine I asked him what was the story. He was shocked that I was thinking that way, he thought he was being a gentleman!! I was kinda sorry after that I pushed it and didn't let it happen more naturally but I might be still waiting.

From a female perspective, has she recently come out of a longterm relationship? It can be a bit weird and strange kissing new guys at first - almost like being unfaithful. I would definitely give it more time if you really like her as you say you do. What's worth having is worth making an effort for.

castle

I think you should ask her out again and enjoy another night out on town with her maybe ask her what would she like to do, I think it is kind of cool for a change not just to be sticking your tongue in a girl's mouth you just met, is that all you are after ? go with flow and just ask her out leaving ball in her court type of attitude is childish to be honest, why not just ask her out and if she say's yes then she like you if she say's sorry but no thanks then you know,

LegacyUser

Ok so yet again had a lovely date on Thursday night. Ended with some ridiculous peck on the lips, pretty awkward. And for that reason, I'm out! I deleted her number and haven't heard from her since. Why would you bother with 4 dates though? I would nearly always know if I fancied someone or not after one date. I'm totally done when dating for a while, it's hard work!

shamrock2004

SinBesos wrote: »

Ok so yet again had a lovely date on Thursday night. Ended with some ridiculous peck on the lips, pretty awkward. And for that reason, I'm out! I deleted her number and haven't heard from her since. Why would you bother with 4 dates though? I would nearly always know if I fancied someone or not after one date. I'm totally done when dating for a while, it's hard work!

Next time offer a handshake and see what she does. If she looks at you incredulously then explain that's how you feel when she offers her cheek at the end of a date, when you go for the kiss! I agree with the others - if she has a few drinks and can't be in any way intimate, then give her the flick.

CaraMay

SinBesos wrote: »

Ok so yet again had a lovely date on Thursday night. Ended with some ridiculous peck on the lips, pretty awkward. And for that reason, I'm out! I deleted her number and haven't heard from her since. Why would you bother with 4 dates though? I would nearly always know if I fancied someone or not after one date. I'm totally done when dating for a while, it's hard work!

I think you are being totally ridiculous. What's wrong with getting to know someone.

shamrock2004

CaraMay wrote: »

I think you are being totally ridiculous. What's wrong with getting to know someone.

What are you on about?

It's 2015 if you hadn't noticed.

He has stated that he finds her attractive and fun to be around and has wanted to kiss her. After date 4, the same story and the guy now feels awkward. I've been there myself and it can turn you off someone.

It's a kiss. It's not like he is begging her to have sex with him. Give him credit.

finglashoop

shamrock2004 wrote: »

What are you on about?

It's 2015 if you hadn't noticed.

He has stated that he finds her attractive and fun to be around and has wanted to kiss her. After date 4, the same story and the guy now feels awkward. I've been there myself and it can turn you off someone.

It's a kiss. It's not like he is begging her to have sex with him. Give him credit.

Give her credit. They met on line. He could be an axe murderer ot she could.

Id have less respect for a woman who drops her knickers after a few blue wkd.

s15r330

Not trying to be harsh but have you tried asking her about it straight out?! You're both adults.
My girlfriend was like this, turns out she had met some awful dikheads beforeand was checking me out. With her 8months now and she is amazing, couldn't find a better girl if I tried.
Just ask her.

LegacyUser

She probably is interested. If she wasn't she wouldn't keep going on dates with you.

However as a woman I do think that if she just wants to take it really slow she should be the one to bring it up with him, even just to send him a message saying I'm enjoying getting to know you and having fun but at the moment I want to take things slow but I don't want you to take that as a sign of me not being interested.

I think she should be the one to say it because I would assume that she's well aware that for most people after 4 dates there would at least have been some kissing by now and that he probably doesn't know what to make of it and I think it's far more awkward for the OP to have to bring it up rather than the girl bringing it up.

shamrock2004

finglashoop wrote: »

Give her credit. They met on line. He could be an axe murderer ot she could.

Id have less respect for a woman who drops her knickers after a few blue wkd.

But he wasn't asking her to "drop her knickers"!!

He fancied her and wanted to kiss her and after 4 dates she won't, I can completely empathise with the guy. He probably feels like she isn't interested in him - that he is in the 'friends' zone. I wouldn't ask her out again.

OneOfThem

finglashoop wrote: »

Give her credit. They met on line. He could be an axe murderer

And the axe could spring loaded and hidden in his mouth...?

Teafor two12345

Yes you are 'friend zoned'.
On the upside you must be cool to hang with. You will always have a lot of friends around.

The downside is I don't think she fancies you.I doubt you want to be friends or you would not be asking if she likes you , you would be asking how do I tell her I don't like her, so don't see her again.She is not comfortable being intimate with you but enjoys your company socially. You are good to chat to but she doesn't fancy you.


Her loss.

ManOfMystery

OP

I think you've done the right thing for now. She's giving you very mixed signals and making it difficult for you to know if this is a complete waste of time or if she's just incredibly shy/nervous and a bit slow on the uptake.

I think your best course of action now is to do as you intend, don't contact her again. If she contacts you and asks about another date, you can be upfront and tell her that whilst you like her, you don't feel it's requited and that it doesn't appear to be going anywhere. You have nothing to lose at this point as she will either agree with you (thus explaining her lack of affection so far) or disagree, and in disagreeing will hopefully explain why.

CaraMay wrote: »

I think you are being totally ridiculous. What's wrong with getting to know someone.

Nothing at all. But people go on dates to find a potential boyfriend/girlfriend; if they just wanted a friend there's numerous other social outlets for that. And part of establishing whether the date is going to progress to a relationship, move into the friend zone or go nowhere is through clear and obvious signs - holding hands, kissing, and everything else that follows. I'm sure that doesn't need explained.

milli milli

OP if the girl was in fact interested but wanted to take it slow, then she should have given you some signal - either by telling you outright or by flirting, etc.
She can't expect a guy to keep pursuing her, if it's just platonic. And I'm not talking about sex, the girl doesn't seem to want any intimacy.

The dead-fish kiss would totally turn me off. I could forgive one awkward kiss and put it down to nerves. But if I was interested in a guy then I wouldn't be making the same mistake twice. If a guy goes in for the kiss, then chances are he is interested or at least fancies you. And for goodness sake there's drink involved, that would make it all so much easier.

I'm a passionate person, the serial non-kiss would say to me, either this girl doesn't fancy me at all OR we are just not compatible intimacy wise.

You probably did the right thing OP. If the girl was interested in you, then she did a bad job of showing it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses. My phone was dead until today when I got it repaired, and no messages from her so that kind of says it all now I guess. Rather disappointed tbh. Oh well, at least I know now, her loss, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who's not a little more open emotionally and physically. Some other girl wants to meet this coming weekend who already seems quite chatty etc so who knows what will happen. Definitely the last one!

road_high

CaraMay wrote: »

I think you are being totally ridiculous. What's wrong with getting to know someone.

4 dates though, seriously? You know if you fancy someone by then and want to kiss them. It's not Victorian times

beks101

Yeah onwards and upwards OP. She might have been burned in the past and overly cautious or she might have been not-so-sure-about-you-but-enjoyed-your-company and not quite ready to write you off.

Either way, from a female perspective no matter how cautious or not-sure I was, I'd at least have a few kisses to see if that would ignite anything. Sounds like she's not the most physical person so that would've been a major incompatibility between you before the word go.

Good luck with the next lady!

Taltos

Mod Note:
nozipcode - your post was removed and you were infracted. It is only because you are a new poster here you have not been banned outright for that drivel. Take some time now to read our charter before you post again. Anything like the deleted post and you will earn an immediate ban. This forum has a low tolerance for messing/trolls or hate speech.

magneticimpulse

I think it's quite harsh to give up on someone when the dates were going well. I also think it was harsh to delete her number when she gave no indication that she was not interested. From what you describe she was just taking it slow.

From my experience I used to rush into kissing and going back to a guys place. Then I met a guy I really liked and I went with the flow....but he told me from his experience it's better to get to know someone for 3 months before sleeping with someone - all my married female friends have given me the same advice. Anyway that guy ended up as friends with benifits (not my choice) and he is now in a serious relationship with someone whom he waited 3 months or so to sleep with..

Yes I know it shouldn't matter how long you wait..lol but when I talk to my married friends they all waited.

Anyway I tried to apply this recently to a guy I met online....I had to ask him out and at the end of the 1st date he told me he didn't think I was interested. We went on 3 dates in total. We hadn't kissed and although that might not seem good based on the advice here...I was happy to take things slow - but he took that up as I wasn't interested in him. Sure I wasn't chasing him like crazy like the guy above but I had over pursued and scared the guy above away. I thought if I dated a nice enough guy and let things develop into a nice friendship that it could have gone somewhere.

I've tried online dating for 15 years and it pretty much never went anywhere because you don't know the person and one or other tries to rush things.....that's why I thought taking things slow the first couple of dates would help it develop more as you are meeting a stranger that you found their photo attractive and still deciding if you like them or not.

Sure you don't want to waste your time, but at the same time I think 2 weeks was very quick to give up on someone. Sometimes people are lucky with online dating and then some people like me have spent 15 years doing it unsuccessfully.....I think giving someone at least 6 weeks is time well spent in the long run! It's also experience that you gain for the next person on how to treat and react to girls.

stickyfinger

Sounds a bit harsh to have deleted her number just because it was only a quick peck when you say you really liked her, lots of people in their 30s have very little relationship experience and might be nervous at the start of dating someone.

But I reckon a bigger indicator of not interested is probably no contact since, she should really be initiating some contact by now. Good luck with the next one!

magneticimpulse

Maybe She was waiting for OP to take initiative and show his masculine energy...be the man in the relationship and contact her!

In my case I texted the guy after the date and said I had a great time. I also said at the end of the date I wanted to meet him again....I felt I had done my job. My date kept telling me he was really attracted to me and that I ticked all the boxes...but gave out to me for not kissing him!! Anyway I never heard back from him and I deleted his number! You know why? Because I was fed up having to verify at the end every date (3 dates) that I did in fact like him and I told him I wanted to take things slow! But he didn't want to listen to that maybe due to his own insecurities.

I wonder if the OPs date had said at the end of the date if she was up for seeing him again? If she did that was the huge signal that she was into him. If OP got into a childish rut and deleted her number...I think any girl would give up hope even if she did want something more! If anything the OP says he was chatting up some other girl online and had asked the other girl out......is it any surprise that women in Dublin are over cautious about online dating if guys we are going on dates with have a replacement lined up by the 4th date?

I don't see how 4 dates without kissing is bad....the one guy I did have a relationship with from online dating.....we had not kissed each other by the 4th date.

From online experience..to go on a 1st date takes me 1000s profiles to go through. To reach a 2nd date is very rare. To go on a 3rd date from online had been a twice in 15 years experience! Hence why I think OP bailed way too early.

Augme

I think the OP bailed way too late. I would have been gone by the second date. I'd view it as a big incompatibility between us. I like women who are self-assured and sex positive. I find it very unlikely that someone who isn't into kissing after 4 dates is going to be very sexually adventurous which I would find quite important.

santana75

SinBesos wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses. My phone was dead until today when I got it repaired, and no messages from her so that kind of says it all now I guess. Rather disappointed tbh. Oh well, at least I know now, her loss, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who's not a little more open emotionally and physically. Some other girl wants to meet this coming weekend who already seems quite chatty etc so who knows what will happen. Definitely the last one!

Good call man. The only mistake you made was not calling it quits after the second date. From what you said it sounds like you knew at a gut level there was nothing gonna happen. I think the lesson to take away from this is to always listen to your intuition. Don't let your head create doubt. Forget what anyone else says about maybe she's shy or this or that. When you know you know. My advice is to get sexual from the word go, let your intentions be known. Don't fall into this trap of being nice all evening and then at the end of the night trying to go for a kiss. Kiss early on in the night with lots of touching before.

LegacyUser

Yeah never heard anything back. Maybe she just wanted a few nights out but if she fancied me something would have happened by then unless she's seriously retarded when it comes to these types of things.
Went out with a different one last night. Fatter and older than she said. 7 years older! She described herself as athletic body type lol. Anyway had a good time but I'm done with dating now. I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for relationships so I'm going to carve out a new life and focus on things I enjoy and forget about women for a while. Thanks guys.

keane2097

OP seemed to be having a lot of fun on all the dates, not sure why you would call a halt to that. Having a lot of fun must be underrated or something

magneticimpulse

Omg OP....you make women seem so shallow!!! You think the girl just wanted a night out? You didn't contact her!! It's up to men to chase women in the beginning. Women don't want to come across as needy....only after 8 weeks do women feel comfortable. You seriously need to check out Corey Wayne advice on YouTube as you haven't a clue about how to treat women.

As for the advice of getting sexual early on....that's not great advice!!! Sure it sounds great if you just want friends with benefits but it rarely results in a relationship!

This really annoys me because there is so many similarities to the guy I went on 3 dates with and I could t believe he gave up on me so easily!!

What are you going to gain op by giving up? You put no effort what so effort into that girl from before! Women need to feel safe and wanted by a guy....they need to know that he isn't playing the field. You didn't do any of this, in fact you've not shown real interest in the girl, you've not contacted her and you were chatting up other women. Basically you will run into the same problem time and time again regardless of any woman you date unless you change your attitude and give women a chance. How can you expect a stranger you never met before to instantly want to be serious and all over you from the first 2 weeks you've met? That's crazy

But from your previous comment your head is stuck under the ground. You want to believe what you want to believe. I wish I could shake the guy I went on the dates with because he was so stupid....he just completely gave up on me, he gave up on a potentially great relationship because he decided not to listen to me or enjoy the time we spent....he decided to make up in his mind that I was not interested. Op I think you've done the same....you just want to be alone by the sounds of things....otherwise you would have enjoyed the girls company for what it was

batmanrobin

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Omg OP....you make women seem so shallow!!! You think the girl just wanted a night out? You didn't contact her!! It's up to men to chase women in the beginning. Women don't want to come across as needy....only after 8 weeks do women feel comfortable. You seriously need to check out Corey Wayne advice on YouTube as you haven't a clue about how to treat women.

As for the advice of getting sexual early on....that's not great advice!!! Sure it sounds great if you just want friends with benefits but it rarely results in a relationship!

This really annoys me because there is so many similarities to the guy I went on 3 dates with and I could t believe he gave up on me so easily!!

What are you going to gain op by giving up? You put no effort what so effort into that girl from before! Women need to feel safe and wanted by a guy....they need to know that he isn't playing the field. You didn't do any of this, in fact you've not shown real interest in the girl, you've not contacted her and you were chatting up other women. Basically you will run into the same problem time and time again regardless of any woman you date unless you change your attitude and give women a chance. How can you expect a stranger you never met before to instantly want to be serious and all over you from the first 2 weeks you've met? That's crazy

But from your previous comment your head is stuck under the ground. You want to believe what you want to believe. I wish I could shake the guy I went on the dates with because he was so stupid....he just completely gave up on me, he gave up on a potentially great relationship because he decided not to listen to me or enjoy the time we spent....he decided to make up in his mind that I was not interested. Op I think you've done the same....you just want to be alone by the sounds of things....otherwise you would have enjoyed the girls company for what it was

Can we please stop this gender nonsense? Men aren't mind readers and PS they want to be wanted and feel desired too. It's not just women. If after 4 dates a person I tried kissing kept turning away from me I'd feel rejected too. There is nothing stopping a mature, self-assured woman from picking up the phone and texting a guy she's gone on 4 dates with. It's a two way street. You need to show the interest back. Fair enough of a person wants to take things slow, but that needs to be communicated verbally! OP, if she was that bothered, she'd be in touch. She knows you like her. It's probably no harm to take a break for a while and focus on yourself. Sometimes you need a bit of headspace from online dating!

DukeOfTheSharp

Any relationship, beginning or ongoing, is based on communication and equal effort. If you felt like you weren't getting anywhere OP, then you weren't getting anywhere. She most likely just continued going on dates because she was the kind of person who doesn't have the spine to say she wasn't really interested. There's no point in pursuing a relationship with anyone who's willing to sit back and make you do all the work - and that's what it becomes after a while; work. Better to take the lesson from this and make it a two-date-limit sort of thing, if there's no spark, then there's no kiss, and that's that. Move on, find someone who complements your point-of-view and works with you instead of against you.

njs030

magneticimpulse wrote: »

It's up to men to chase women in the beginning.

Women don't want to come across as needy....only after 8 weeks do women feel comfortable.

As for the advice of getting sexual early on....that's not great advice!!! Sure it sounds great if you just want friends with benefits but it rarely results in a relationship!

Please don't speak for all women- that's what you want not what "women" want.

Firstly, it's not up to men to chase women, we all like to feel wanted and the odd call or text lets the other person know you're thinking of them. If she can't be bothered to pick up a phone, or she's playing some kind of rules game that he has to "chase" her then op was right to walk away. People who act like that need to grow up.

That second point made me laugh....8 weeks? Seriously is there a magic moment at 8 weeks where all women magically feel comfortable?

In relation to point 3 as has been said many times we are all individuals and what works for some doesn't work for others. Anyway op didn't mention sex, he wanted a kiss after 4 dates, pretty normal!!

Tbh it was probably these rules that put off the man you were dating, your rules and the expectation to be chased and treated like a princess sounds like hard work.
The problem/benefit of online dating is this kind of game playing behaviour doesn't work anymore as there's plenty more women available and until both parties agree they are in a relationship theres nothing wrong with talking to others.

magneticimpulse

notjustsweet wrote: »

Please don't speak for all women- that's what you want not what "women" want.

Firstly, it's not up to men to chase women, we all like to feel wanted and the odd call or text lets the other person know you're thinking of them. If she can't be bothered to pick up a phone, or she's playing some kind of rules game that he has to "chase" her then op was right to walk away. People who act like that need to grow up.

That second point made me laugh....8 weeks? Seriously is there a magic moment at 8 weeks where all women magically feel comfortable?

In relation to point 3 as has been said many times we are all individuals and what works for some doesn't work for others. Anyway op didn't mention sex, he wanted a kiss after 4 dates, pretty normal!!

Tbh it was probably these rules that put off the man you were dating, your rules and the expectation to be chased and treated like a princess sounds like hard work.
The problem/benefit of online dating is this kind of game playing behaviour doesn't work anymore as there's plenty more women available and until both parties agree they are in a relationship theres nothing wrong with talking to others.

No I didn't use these rules. I slept with a guy I liked after about 4 dates and he told me I should have waited 3 months so we would develop feelings. (3 separate guys said this). He is now in a serious relationship with a girl he waited 4 months to have sex with. Hence why I tried to take things slow with the last guy....you just can't win in this dating world. All my married female friends said they waited 3 months before having sex....I'm basing it on successful relationships that they have...versus my uncessful ones when I have sex and first kiss on 4th dates. I was giving advice on that online dating is hard and from a perspective from my opinion


As for 8 weeks....I got that advice from Corey Wayne on YouTube. He claims that's how long it takes for someone to develop feelings.

Dellnum

Men and women both like to feel wanted, but we are different and our roles in a relationship are different too. Men have always been known to like to do the chasing and women like to be chased at the beginning of a relationship, so I would agree with magneticimpulse on that. If both sexes were the same we would never be attracted to one another, so the differences are welcomed. I say go back to the old idea of getting to know someone before having sex with them and things will work out far better.

beks101

magneticimpulse wrote: »

No I didn't use these rules. I slept with a guy I liked after about 4 dates and he told me I should have waited 3 months so we would develop feelings. (3 separate guys said this). He is now in a serious relationship with a girl he waited 4 months to have sex with. Hence why I tried to take things slow with the last guy....you just can't win in this dating world. All my married female friends said they waited 3 months before having sex....I'm basing it on successful relationships that they have...versus my uncessful ones when I have sex and first kiss on 4th dates. I was giving advice on that online dating is hard and from a perspective from my opinion


As for 8 weeks....I got that advice from Corey Wayne on YouTube. He claims that's how long it takes for someone to develop feelings.

Major massive WTF to all of this tbh. All your married friends waited three months before sleeping with their now-husbands? Do they routinely use sex as a tool to get what they want from their husbands? Do they also take tips from douchey "dating coach" videos to learn how to interact with the opposite sex?

Sorry but there's some major Projectus Maximus going on here. I don't know a single sane and socially-adjusted human-being married or in a long-term relationship who waited until an arbitrary amount of time had passed before sleeping with their partners in order to "develop sufficient feelings to form a relationship" or whatever crack you're on about. I can't even tell you when myself and the OH slept together. After a few weeks maybe. Doesn't matter really. Knew him, liked him, got to know him, trusted him, slept with him. That can take a few weeks or a few hours depending on who you are and what's comfortable.

magneticimpulse wrote: »

No I didn't use these rules. I slept with a guy I liked after about 4 dates and he told me I should have waited 3 months so we would develop feelings. (3 separate guys said this).

Hahaha. What a riot. "Really love? Well maybe you shouldn't have slept with me if it was going to bring up all these weird Madonna-Whore issues you have?"

What a strange thing to say. Clearly "just not that into you" and throwing the blame back on your shoulders because it prevented him/them from feeling like an arsehole. From having to say "nah not really interested" after bedding you.

The grand sum of what I've learned about dating after a good decade in the game: the ins and outs of sex (ba-dum-tish) and when it happens and how it happens doesn't matter if you both get on, make each other laugh and fancy the arse off each other at the end of it all. If a guy has hangups about sex (as with all these weird fellas you seem to be meeting Magnetic) or a woman isn't on the same level as you sexually/physically (as with the OH): sex becomes the be-all-or-end-all. It becomes a dealbreaker.

In a healthy relationship, it's a deadly, mindblowing, powerful and above all else, fun way of expressing how much you like that person. Nothing more, nothing less.

bloominballix

All you needed to do here was ASK her what the story was.

I had a similar situation. After the second date it all seemed a bit too platonic, so I made it absolutely clear that I wasn't looking for new friends, and that if that was all she wanted then we should go our separate ways, and that's what we did.

If you had of just asked her then you probably would have got a straight answer. Instead you've just cut contact with the hope she texts you first. Yes, maybe she wasn't interested, but maybe she was interested and just has some irrational ideas about how dating should work, and now that you've cut contact she thinks you're not interested? Neither of you will know for certain now.