Should I contact him?

sibeen99

Hey there wise boardsies I'm looking for a little advice, I'll try keep it brief.

Met this guy through a friend about a year ago and then over the summer got chatting to him on an online dating site. We were chatting for a while then organised a date. We got on really well and so had a few more dates. Everything seemed good and we had arranged another date for the weekend. He then postponed the date for family reasons and I've heard nothing since.

I'm wondering if I should text to see how things are or if I should leave it up to him to get in touch? He's not the type to be in constant contact anyway but I feel that he should be making contact as he postponed the date. Am I overthinking everything?

What would ye do? Guys, do ye sometimes just want to be left alone?

OneOfThem

You've heard nothing from him since, but he has also heard nothing from you since.

He could be thinking all the same things about you not getting in touch with him, that you're thinking about him not getting in touch with you.

You're thinking 'the rule' is "Oh well he should be the one to get in touch as he was the one that cancelled". But the problem is everyone's working off a slightly different version of the rule book, and maybe he thinks 'the rule' is "Oh well I'm the one that had to cancel on her, so I should leave it up to her to let me know of she wants to see me again".

Or maybe he never wants to hear from you again because he thinks you had a part to play in the 9/11 attacks or something.

But yeah, just drop him a message to ask how he's getting on, or how the family issue went or whatever,and see how he responds to hearing from you. Then you know. Nothing to lose.

Shrap

sibeen99 wrote: »

He's not the type to be in constant contact anyway but I feel that he should be making contact as he postponed the date. Am I overthinking everything?

Overthinking. It's very early days yet and it'll pan out one way or the other. If you were to rise above any expectations, it'll stand to you long term. Don't emotionally invest more in the (possible) relationship than is warranted at this stage.

If he doesn't get back in touch in a reasonable period of time and you've cooled off a bit about where this is going, then the option is there to pick up the threads again but you will probably be feeling a bit more casual about it and should be wondering if more dates are worth waiting for.

If he gets back in touch soon, then great but make sure you keep some perspective on the potential for a relationship while you're still just getting to know each other.

Edit: Or yeah, like above, you could just message him and see what happens! But do quit the overthinking.

Rachiee

I think it's worth a shot if he's not interested you'll find out soon enough. Go for it what have you got to lose.

sibeen99

Thanks guys, I know ye are all right in what yere saying. I was thinking I had contacted him first the last time so now it should be him. And yes completely overthinking everything. I know there should be no 'rules' as such but I don't want to seem too clingy. On the other hand I should be able to just send a text without it being a big deal? And then ad you say I would know either way..
Jez it's nearly easier being single!

CaraMay

You contacted him last, he cancelled your last date and hasn't been in touch since. I would leave it and see what you think if he contacts you again.

miamee

CaraMay wrote: »

You contacted him last, he cancelled your last date and hasn't been in touch since. I would leave it and see what you think if he contacts you again.

I wouldn't be that black and white about it - family reasons could mean someone was ill or had an accident, there was some sort of emergency. In that type of scenario I'd text to say hello and ask if everything was ok with the family (without being too nosey about it) and see if he gets back in touch or not. If not, you have your answer.

Meauldsegosha

I agree with maimee. He cancelled for a family matter. You have had a few dates with him it would be common courtesy to text and check if everything is OK.

Forget the rules and who texted who first the last time.

sibeen99

I was leaning towards contacting him with an 'I hope everything is ok' just because it seems the decent thing to do. We're neither of us kids so I guess if I do that and get no reply my conscience is clear and I know where I stand?!

Thanks

Dellnum

If he cancelled the last date it is definitely up to him to contact you now, family emergency or not. You can contact him but you won't get anywhere if he isn't interested and then how will you feel. The writing is on the wall that it is up to him to contact you.

Teafor two12345

If you should contact him you wouldn't need to be asking here you would know.

Take care. x

Churpy

Don't contact him. If he's interested he will contact you. He's the one that cancelled so the balls in his court. As he's taken so long I'm thinking this whole thing is just his way of "phasing you out" I hope I'm wrong but experience with my own and friends situations makes me think that

sibeen99

Churpy wrote: »

Don't contact him. If he's interested he will contact you. He's the one that cancelled so the balls in his court. As he's taken so long I'm thinking this whole thing is just his way of "phasing you out" I hope I'm wrong but experience with my own and friends situations makes me think that

Thanks for all the advice guys. I ended up sending a quick text asking how he was and that I hoped all was well. I heard nothing. At least I have my answer and I know I tried.

Churpy

sibeen99 wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice guys. I ended up sending a quick text asking how he was and that I hoped all was well. I heard nothing. At least I have my answer and I know I tried.

It's his loss and look at it positively you've learned from this and your now open to meet someone whose right for you Best of luck with everything