Issues with intimacy, holding hands

DDublin974

I am 41 years of age. Never had a long term relationship; most of my so called relationships have lasted three to four months. And the last one of those was nearly four years ago. Recently met a south american lady.
From day one, i do not know if it is me or her but i get a pain in my arm holding her arm?! I am a salsa dancer and i have come across this before; is it tension or anxiety on her or my part? It took me a while to get used to sleep with her as well, but that could be due to my age although i still do not sleep the best with her.
I have noticed my sex drive has gone down in the last two to three years or goes in cycles, is this normal at my age? I would think so.
And a final question; i have been going out for nearly four months on/off but i am only content to spend a day with her at most at a time? Is this due to my age or that i cannot connect with her? There is a culture clash, she is learning English progressively, which does not help, maybe!

vinegar_zombie

DDublin974 wrote:

I am 41 years of age. Never had a long term relationship; most of my so called relationships have lasted three to four months. And the last one of those was nearly four years ago. Recently met a south american lady. From day one, i do not know if it is me or her but i get a pain in my arm holding her arm?! I am a salsa dancer and i have come across this before; is it tension or anxiety on her or my part? It took me a while to get used to sleep with her as well, but that could be due to my age although i still do not sleep the best with her. I have noticed my sex drive has gone down in the last two to three years or goes in cycles, is this normal at my age? I would think so. And a final question; i have been going out for nearly four months on/off but i am only content to spend a day with her at most at a time? Is this due to my age or that i cannot connect with her? There is a culture clash, she is learning English progressively, which does not help, maybe!

You do make a number of good points but I also have a feeling that you trying push the blame into her side. Look at the facts. You are a middle age man not used to long term relationship, that has his own habbits and routines. It's hard to get used to sleep with somebody if you sleep alone for many years. It did took my also long time. Lowered sex drive is also normal. In my college years I was able to have sex 3 - 4 times a day but nowadays its more 1 - 2 week. Sexual attraction does lower with age.
It is hard to spend day after day with somebody if you don't have common interests. You could try to find more think that you enjoy doing together or work on your own hobbies. The culture clash isn't really a thing in most cases. My current girlfriend of 6 years spoke not more than 20 words at first. Don't get me wrong or anything but it feels that instead of trying to work on your relationship and make some compromises you are trying to justified ending your current relationship because you are not really comfortable with the changes.

jimmycrackcorm

DDublin974 wrote:

It took me a while to get used to sleep with her as well, but that could be due to my age although i still do not sleep the best with her. I have noticed my sex drive has gone down in the last two to three years or goes in cycles, is this normal at my age? I would think so.

Being in my late 40's I can concur that this is normal physically. However the rest of your post makes you come across as if you are in your 80's. I'd guess that the lady is much younger than you and you're not as exuberant as her, hence the old before my time references.

username hello

Pain in your arm?
Sex drive changed?
Maybe see your doctor for a routine check up...