ex texting

chaz44

Hi everyone.. I'm in a funny situation with my ex.we broke up 7 months ago but over the last couple of months he had been making contact with me again.I broke up with him and didn't have any communication for 3 months.I think he's trying to test the waters with me and I'm not sure how to respond as I do still like him deep down.has anyone else been in this kind of situation?

PandaX9

chaz44 wrote: »

Hi everyone.. I'm in a funny situation with my ex.we broke up 7 months ago but over the last couple of months he had been making contact with me again.I broke up with him and didn't have any communication for 3 months.I think he's trying to test the waters with me and I'm not sure how to respond as I do still like him deep down.has anyone else been in this kind of situation?

Hi OP,

I have been in this situation myself a couple of times and I find there is no "solution" or even "right" or "wrong" course of action. I found that, in my own personal experiences, it was good to take a step back and overview the situation. What were the messages about? how did they make me feel? Am I overthinking them and looking for sub context where there is none?

Regarding your dormant feelings that have stirred up again, perhaps it would be wise to remembe that at the time, there were reasons why you chose to end this relationship. Do those reasons still exist? Do you really miss your ex, or do you miss the feel of being in a relationship? Would you like to be friends, or more, or go back to having no contact?

Reestablishing contact can be confusing. There are many reasons to do so. He may miss you, or maybe he just wants to see how you are. Be careful of your own feelings, it can be easy to subconsciously assume that by reaching out to you, he has feelings for you and your own feelings can reignite. I think it would be wise for you to really assess how you feel before responding.

Just today I read a beautiful quote that essentially put this situation to bed in my case today: "I think it is important to realise that you can miss something, but not want it back".

Apologies if I have assumed too much about your feelings for your ex.

chaz44

Personally I don't think you can be friends with an ex.we have no reason to be,we weren't friends before so we wouldn't be now.we broke up because of his busy work sheduale and him not giving me enough time.he text with excuses to talk to me and I do love hearing from him but I don't want to be dragged back in if he doesn't feel the same way.he's a very close guarded man I must add

batmanrobin

Do you feel like you're over him? If so, I wouldn't be indulging him. As you said, you see no reason to try to be friends. If you feel like you'd like to try again, maybe ask him straight out what's behind the texting? Cut to the chase with him maybe and save yourself the head melt!

chaz44

Good advice batmanrobin... For the men out there what would you be thinking if you were him? Really don't want to embarrass myself with him...

petes

chaz44 wrote: »

Good advice batmanrobin... For the men out there what would you be thinking if you were him? Really don't want to embarrass myself with him...

Seriously can't answer that question and I doubt anyone else can either. Only person that can answer that is him. What are the context of the messages?

pookie82

A simple "what prompted you to get in touch?" should get you the answers you're looking for. He has been making contact for the last couple of months, you say? That's quite a long time not to mention his intentions to get back with you.

So I would assume he just wants friendship or someone he can talk to.

If you're not bothered giving that and have moved on, I'd probably explain that to him.

batmanrobin

Were ye together long, OP?

I think you need to see whether:

1. Has anything changed in relation to his work situation?

2. Are you interested in trying again? Depending on answer to 1.

3. Was it just work or work and hobbies that were the issue? If just work, you'd think he'd scale back if he wanted to be with someone. If it was a combo of work and hobbies, again, if he had time for hobbies, he should have had time for your relationship.

If he is still working to the point that he has no time for relationships, I would proceed with caution. You said you don't want to get dragged back into it. Even those choice of words would indicate how fed up you were of the situation.

As another poster said, maybe just ask him why he's texting.

chaz44

I think I would like to try again but unsure to be honest.I'm a big believer in second chances...we were together for a year and a half.he said he wouldn't ask someone out unless he knew for sure there was a chance with them.he has a big job with a lot of pressure so theres no way for him to scale back and I would never ask someone to.we didn't end well at all so the fact he even made contact at all I was shocked with......confused.com

chaz44

I don't want to throw away something that could in fact be potentially good either....I don't think he's looking for friendship.he's not the type to be friends with women.a bit of a lads lad really.

CaraMay

So how and why did it end exactly? It's hard to take a guess on it without knowing any of the facts.

chaz44

It ended with us getting into a fight about him not putting in an effort.I had spoken about it previously with him and he just laughed it off.I felt like he had got complacent with us.so I broke it off and he was a bit shifty with me about it and a few months later pops up again

chaz44

I meant ****ty not shifty lol

miamee

chaz44 wrote: »

It ended with us getting into a fight about him not putting in an effort.I had spoken about it previously with him and he just laughed it off.I felt like he had got complacent with us.so I broke it off and he was a bit shifty with me about it and a few months later pops up again

Unless he has mentioned having more extra free time than before or working less hours then nothing has changed and he will still only have the same amount of time to give you as before. You've already tried that and it was not compatible with what you want from a relationship so unless you are happy to have him as a text buddy or a friend you occasionally meet up with, I'd knock the texting on the head.

batmanrobin

miamee wrote: »

Unless he has mentioned having more extra free time than before or working less hours then nothing has changed and he will still only have the same amount of time to give you as before. You've already tried that and it was not compatible with what you want from a relationship so unless you are happy to have him as a text buddy or a friend you occasionally meet up with, I'd knock the texting on the head.

I'd second this. OP, I'm all for giving relationships a second go, but the issues that caused the breakup have to be discussed and resolved first.

It's one thing for him to potentially turn around and say that he's changed and would like a second go. He'd have to show things have changed.

If it's just gonna be a repeat of the first time round, what's the point? You know where it ends already.

chaz44

I meant ****ty not shifty lol