Need relationship advice

Labreya

Right, this is going to be a bit rambly, so sorry for that.

I've lived with my boyfriend for years, already out, met the parents, all that. My boyfriend is the only guy I've ever been with and I've wanted to try experimenting and meeting other people for sex. We've both talked about it, and he's fine with it so long as I get tests, stay protected, not be a dumbass about it. I've wanted to meet a girl or guy and rather than just use them for some one night stand for my own benefit, I'd rather make friends and build a decent relationship where we're both getting what we want from it.

I've come to realise thought that I have NO idea how to approach people. I'm a total wuss with zero confidence in these things (My boyfriend asked me out, and he's the only person whos ever came onto me in any way. I've been turned down by the few girls I asked out when I was younger). I've tried using Grindr, but again just feel like I'm using people, don't have the confidence to ask to meet up etc.

It'd be nice to meet a curious lesbian so at least we'd be able to understand where the other person is coming from, but to be honest I'm starting to wonder if I should just give up on the whole thing and be happy with what I've got? I mean, I love my boyfriend, but I just want new experiences. Am I just being stupid?

If anyones ever been in a similar position I'd love to hear your thoughts. It feels kind of weird, to be hetero-curious and comfortable with guys when so many people are the other way!

Banbha32

Hey Labreya

No i dont think you're being stupid. Sexuality is fluid and it can change from time to time and everybody wants some experiences and maybe you just need to get it out of your system. It is decent of your boyfriend to be ok with this and shows how much he trusts you. Is he looking to do the same himself or is he is ok with the situation he has? Or maybe he had other experiences before you came along and thats why he doesnt have the urge anymore to explore or at least not for now (whereas you mention he was your first). I dont think its any harm as long as you are safe at all times and it doesnt hurt you or your boyfriend. Is there a chance you could fall for someone else then though its hard to say?

Personally im a gay guy aswell and have never had sexual experiences yet with either sex (that being said im only out 2 months so im not going to rush into anything). And i want to explore with a guy exclusively, at least the first few times. But that being said i wouldnt mind having sex with a woman maybe as part of a threesome to start off with at a later date but not as a duo. I dont know. Im turned on a lot more by guys and am only about 10% straight :P it would be handy to be equally bi 50:50 but im happy with what i have. But i thinks its normal to be curious and at least experiment a bit and get it out of your system. If you deny yourself the opportunity now maybe you will want it even more as time goes on. I guess dont expect anything to happen and you wont be disappointed but now that you have his permission if a situation does arise you could just go with the flow

Slánies!

Labreya

No, the thing is that my boyfriend has to take anti depressants that pretty much remove all sexual desire he has. It's just one of the common side effects of the brand he needs to take, but other than that its the best medication for him. The odd time I have even managed to organise meeting up with someone, he always says he's happy for me getting out there, but those meetups rarely go past one coffee and then not hearing much from people again.

The flip side is my libidos always been through the roof. It's handy for him because the odd time he's in the mood, I always am, but then I'm left hanging.

I don't see any chance of falling for anyone else as myself and himself are way too compatible to ever part ways, but it's just an awkward situation to be in, and I just keep wondering if I'm just being stupid or selfish and if I should just give up looking elsewhere? I just dunno. It's very confusing.

Banbha32

Ah right ok. Its really not straightforward is it! Well ye seem to have a great relationship and fair dues to your boyfriend for being so modern and he really seems to trust you and wants his situation not to have adverse effects on you which is really quite admirable i have to say! Hmmm i guess maybe you have to question your approach so as to why things dont seem to work out. I guess from the way you have worded your messages and mentioned your high libido is it fair to say it is more sexual experience you want with people you meet with and a friendship along the way would be an added bonus? If so then is it how you put this across to new guys. Would you tell them before you meet them that you have a boyfriend who is open or do you only mention this when you meet them face to face and it might be a surprise to them and thats when contact doesnt go any further? Also maybe if you are honest they may not feel comfortable going back to your place knowing there is a boyfriend waiting there and they only have your word to believe its safe amd there arent any issues between ye? But then not being honest and pretending you dont have a boyfriend isnt good either. Then again the alternative of going back to theirs is risky too as you dont really know these people and you really have to put your own safety first. Tricky situation alright its hard to know what to do

Mr.Frame

I know relationships are different for different couples, some favour open relationships and others definitely not.
What you are telling us OP is that your BF is on anti depressants so his libido isn't "explosive" whereas yours is.
You want to meet others for sex and your BF is happy with that.
However,will he be happy when you ACTUALLY DO have that sexual encounter with another and it becomes a regular thing ?
It is all very well saying he is ok with you meeting others, but the thought and deed are two completely separate things.
Many would envy the fact that you are in a relationship, a loving one at that, but you want more than that, would seem odd to most.
I would suggest you think hard about what you actually want,from what you have said so far ,you are in a loving relationship, cherish it.

Labreya

Mr.Frame wrote: »

I know relationships are different for different couples, some favour open relationships and others definitely not.
What you are telling us OP is that your BF is on anti depressants so his libido isn't "explosive" whereas yours is.
You want to meet others for sex and your BF is happy with that.
However,will he be happy when you ACTUALLY DO have that sexual encounter with another and it becomes a regular thing ?
It is all very well saying he is ok with you meeting others, but the thought and deed are two completely separate things.
Many would envy the fact that you are in a relationship, a loving one at that, but you want more than that, would seem odd to most.
I would suggest you think hard about what you actually want,from what you have said so far ,you are in a loving relationship, cherish it.

We've discussed it a lot and this is what we've come to. If I did sleep with someone else and he didn't like it, then I'd have to find a way to deal with that and stop sleeping with other people.

We're adults. We can talk about things like adults.

Also, I do cherish my relationship. Thats why I went to the bother of sitting down and discussing this with my boyfriend rather than just cheating on him behind his back. If he'd in any way implied he was uncomfortable with the situation, I wouldn't have pushed the issue.

The simple fact is is that I wanted pointers on how to get to know people, how to approach them in social situations, and generally how to make friends and stop being socially inept and too wussy to talk to people. The advice I needed wasn't about with my boyfriend, it was tips on where to go and how to approach people and talk about the subject without seeming like a massive asshole to others. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough on that for you.

tomato1234

Labreya wrote: »

We've discussed it a lot and this is what we've come to. If I did sleep with someone else and he didn't like it, then I'd have to find a way to deal with that and stop sleeping with other people.

We're adults. We can talk about things like adults.

Also, I do cherish my relationship. Thats why I went to the bother of sitting down and discussing this with my boyfriend rather than just cheating on him behind his back. If he'd in any way implied he was uncomfortable with the situation, I wouldn't have pushed the issue.

The simple fact is is that I wanted pointers on how to get to know people, how to approach them in social situations, and generally how to make friends and stop being socially inept and too wussy to talk to people. The advice I needed wasn't about with my boyfriend, it was tips on where to go and how to approach people and talk about the subject without seeming like a massive asshole to others. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough on that for you.

Your boyfriend knows you best. He would give you the best advice and tips. Would you even consider trying the new experience with him together?