Taking Time off University to Better Myself

LegacyUser

I don't know who else to turn to so I'm hoping I'll get sound feedback on this. I'm going to try and keep this as 'short' as possible.

So Basically I'm in a third year of four year degree course and although I really enjoy it, I'm generally very unhappy with life.

I have made very few friends over the last number of years and my social anxiety has increased a lot. I'm more socially awkward now than I have ever been in life. Its quite normal for me to go a whole week in college without speaking to anyone. I spend most of my time by myself and I know this isn't who I am.

The thing is, I'm a very sociable person and truly enjoy meeting new people. But my anxiety is at an all time high and the more time I spend by myself in my room the worse it gets.

Due to a number of other reasons, I've fallen behind a lot in college work and missed out on a number of assignment- all of which contribute to the final mark for modules- and this is a degree year for me. I'm not fully sure but I reckon that it'll take me 4-5 weeks to fully catch up- by which time nearly another semester of college will be over, I'll have missed more assignments and I will have spent the time by myself like a ghost- lonely and unhappy.

If I continue with the year I'll have to take out a five- figure loan and therefore be in debt upon graduation. Although I could live with this, I'd prefer to save up and pay fees from my pocket and be debt free.

I just want to be happy in the now without this constant feeling of anxiety and depression and loneliness. The way I see it, even if I was fully up to date with college work, I'd still be the same lonely person.

I honestly feel that it would be difficult for me, if not impossible, to work on my mental health issues, see a counsellor, break out of my shell, make a girlfriend, fully focus into what kind of a career I want, get that body I've been working so hard for and many other projects, whilst in college this year. If I do stay, most of my focus will be on studying since, like I've mentioned, this year counts towards my degree. If I take a break, I'll also be able to travel, make money, get an extra internship this summer and study abroad for a full academic year next year.

Taking all this into account, the only thing stopping me from taking time out is that I've already lost two years of university due to some other reasons, and if I go ahead with this decision, I'll be 26 years of age graduating with a masters. Most people I completed the leaving cert with have already graduated and are working full time. But even if I do continue with third year and graduate at 25 instead of 26, I'll most probably still be unhappy.

Is it possible for me to catch up in a month's time and then try to break out of my shell? I'm genuinely not sure since my course is quite difficult and demanding.

I'd say my parents are pretty tired of hearing my ****e at this stage. I just want to be happy and in the now. I want to reach my full potential, academically, socially and in other areas.


Anyway, I'm really looking forward to some genuine advice and will consider everything.


*Fourth Halloween in my room by myself.

amdublin

Wow you want to get a lot done while you are studying. Take away the studying it's still an awful lot.

My fear would be you'd take the year off, not get everything done, plus not be finished college and still not be happy with yourself.

Your title struck me as unusual. Want to take year off college to better myself - most people consider college the bettering of yourself.

My suggestion would be talk to a counsellor/support person in the college and talk through all these issues. But you shouldn't rush into taking a year off now - you are SO close. Just one year left!
A professional can help you prioritise all the things you want into an achievable manner.

Ps. Halloween is not all its cracked up to be. But I'm wondering why you were not out with friends, even not drinking? A year off college may not help this situation imo. ...you might have to look at how you can study hard for the next year while managing to still have a small social outlet - even just cinema or coffee with friends every weekend.

Keep your chin up op. You've done great to get this far and one final push and you'll be finished.

Tell me how

12345I wrote:

I honestly feel that it would be difficult for me, if not impossible, to work on my mental health issues, see a counsellor, break out of my shell, make a girlfriend, fully focus into what kind of a career I want, get that body I've been working so hard for and many other projects, whilst in college this year.

To try and do all these things in one go would be very difficult for anyone and could lead to further sense of failure if you were unsuccessful possibly.

This could turn in to a practice of putting reall things off until your "stars are perfectly aligned" and that just doesn't happen for 99.999% of people.

As previous poster said, being in college is a recognized way to better yourself and you're doing that right now.

Think of this like the hare and the tortoise fable. Do what you can and then do the next thing. No need to put pressure on yourself.

Personally (as above ) I would suggest talking to a counsellor with a view to becoming comfortable with finishing this year in college as well as you reasonably can. Not saying you just scrape through but that you do so at a level that is of a reasonable expectation.

Well done on dealing with your troubles to get this far in college. Seeing this out would give confidence which would then help with the next step.

Meadhbus

The words that jumped out at me were anxiety, depression and loneliness. If I was feeling like that (from personal experience) absolutely nothing I would do would be good enough. I'd recommend dealing with your unhappiness first, while continuing the course, and the rest will come later. It's a lot easier to get things done when you're not in a bad place.

amdublin

Meadhbus wrote: »

The words that jumped out at me were anxiety, depression and loneliness. If I was feeling like that (from personal experience) absolutely nothing I would do would be good enough. I'd recommend dealing with your unhappiness first, while continuing the course, and the rest will come later. It's a lot easier to get things done when you're not in a bad place.

Some very good points. OP, would you think about visiting your GP and have a chat with them? You will feel better sharing I think and you'd be surprised how much they can help.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone. Much appreciated.

Firstly, point definitely taken on board that if I do take time out, I might become very relaxed and not put it to good use. But even if I get most of the things on my list done I'd be much happier. All I can do is try right? Have to think about this one.

I also understand that I shouldn't wait for my "stars to be perfectly aligned". I'm guilty of this in the past and I do understand that if I do go through this and come out on top, I'll achieve a lot of confidence.

Its just that I want to enjoy college and not just get through it. I already have bitter feelings about not doing certain things and not enjoying my time more when in secondary school. The way I see it is that if I don't learn to socialize and if I don't lose my social anxiety whilst in college, then its only going to get worse in the working world. I have this year and one more to live it up in college.

For some reason the voice in my head is telling me to push through and complete the year. It'll be tough. I'm really unsure.

I just don't want regrets in five years' time.

Meadhbus

You have another year after this one, right? So could you take the summer off to do everything you want to? I'm just saying from experience, I took a semester off to deal with some of my issues and ended up not going back to the course. It's easy to let happen. But of course, we're different people and it's a completely different situation.

Heat_Wave

OP, I was in your EXACT position... Twice!

I deffered one year in a course and attended therapy for that year. I ended up taking another year as annual leave. Now I am 24 and have only started college from scratch again.

If I could turn back time I would have stuck with my course and saw it through, and you are in third year! You only have one more year left.

Deferring twice was the biggest mistake in my life and now I feel very far behind. Don't take a step backwards like I did.

You can attend a counscillor in the evenings, it shouldn't effect college.

I am still battling depression but I know it will take a lot more than a year to solve my problems. In the meantime I am working and studying and if anything, they are therapy (as in they're a distraction and keep my mind occupied).

Best of luck with whatever you choose. At the end of the day, only you know what is best for YOU.

LegacyUser

Op is there a student advisor or somebody in your college you could talk to. If you have fallen very far behind with your work could you apply for extenuating circumstances. You could apply for a leave of absence but then what would you do for the year?