New relationship missing "spark"

LegacyUser

I started seeing a guy two months ago. We have a bit of a history because we had been friends for a couple of years. He's great, funny, intelligent, can hold a conversation and we get on really well. He's very handsome as well.

The problem is that there doesn't seem to be that "spark" I would expect from a new relationship. He ticks all the boxes otherwise and is everything I'd look for in a partner. There are no issues in the bedroom either, so I'm not sure why we're not clicking better.

I thought it might have something to do with our history, and that we had been friends a while before we started dating. Maybe there is some mental barrier that we can't get by.

Is this a relationship worth pursuing or am I wasting both of our time? I don't want to give up too soon when it seems to have so much potential. Are we destined to only be friends?

zoobizoo

Are you laughing together.... . having fun?

Teafor two12345

From my perspective yes you are wasting your time. He might make a great mate but you are kidding yourself if you think it's a romance. You need passion!

beks101

Sounds like one of those text-book perfect fellas. On paper all the boxes are ticked but the reality doesn't follow suit. I think if you have to convince yourself of your attraction towards someone, it's probably already a bad idea.

That said, a lot of it depends on your own pattern with relationships and attraction. Are you a slow burner, or is the sexual chemistry usually instantaneous generally with a guy you've met? Perhaps you've looked at him as a platonic friend for so long that it's hard to change your focus to something a bit more intimate? Some people take time with these things and the emotional stuff can come the more time they spend with someone, with sex and intimacy and affection and all of those things.

I'd personally be the opposite. It might not be DING-DONG FIREWORKS on first glance, but I'll know for sure if I'm drawn to someone in that way during our first meeting. If I don't get that gut instinct, I'd be wasting both of our time in trying to forge something without that initial interest.

ShaShaBear

I was very close friends with my partner. He was perhaps one of my best friends and certainly the most reliable! 4 years of friendship developed into sexual chemistry literally overnight and the passion is still there after 4 years together and a baby
We're getting married next year, have another baby due this month and I still feel that spark despite our history. It was there, I never had to look or fight for it. Might be time for you to call it a day

Edit: Just to clarify, as Beks101 said, there are a few different types of "sparks" but what I mean is that I felt myself very much drawn to him once our relationship became sexual. There was never any doubt about what I felt despite not having felt it prior to that point.

LegacyUser

zoobizoo wrote: »

Are you laughing together.... . having fun?

We are laughing and having fun. I really do enjoy spending time with him.

Teafor two12345 wrote: »

From my perspective yes you are wasting your time. He might make a great mate but you are kidding yourself if you think it's a romance. You need passion!

I'm really not sure what makes romance and passion. Is it how he treats me? How I behave around him? Sometimes it feels strange being affectionate towards him, not because I don't feel affection, but because of our history as friends.

beks101 wrote: »

That said, a lot of it depends on your own pattern with relationships and attraction. Are you a slow burner, or is the sexual chemistry usually instantaneous generally with a guy you've met? Perhaps you've looked at him as a platonic friend for so long that it's hard to change your focus to something a bit more intimate? Some people take time with these things and the emotional stuff can come the more time they spend with someone, with sex and intimacy and affection and all of those things.

I don't have much experience with relationships if I am being truthful, so I can't tell you if I am a slow burner on that front. I do know that with any guy I've dated, there was always that great period at the start where everything seems perfect, but of course that honeymoon period isn't meant to last forever.

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I was very close friends with my partner. He was perhaps one of my best friends and certainly the most reliable! 4 years of friendship developed into sexual chemistry literally overnight and the passion is still there after 4 years together and a baby
We're getting married next year, have another baby due this month and I still feel that spark despite our history. It was there, I never had to look or fight for it. Might be time for you to call it a day

Edit: Just to clarify, as Beks101 said, there are a few different types of "sparks" but what I mean is that I felt myself very much drawn to him once our relationship became sexual. There was never any doubt about what I felt despite not having felt it prior to that point.

I do fear that I am in this relationship, hoping for that spark to appear. But is it always there from the start? Is it not like love, where over time you develop these feelings?

I really believe there is great potential in this relationship and that there is something mentally blocking me from getting that spark. Like Beks101 said, he's a textbook perfect guy, and I am attracted to him in so many ways, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

ShaShaBear

whoknows789 wrote: »

We are laughing and having fun. I really do enjoy spending time with him.



I'm really not sure what makes romance and passion. Is it how he treats me? How I behave around him? Sometimes it feels strange being affectionate towards him, not because I don't feel affection, but because of our history as friends.



I don't have much experience with relationships if I am being truthful, so I can't tell you if I am a slow burner on that front. I do know that with any guy I've dated, there was always that great period at the start where everything seems perfect, but of course that honeymoon period isn't meant to last forever.



I do fear that I am in this relationship, hoping for that spark to appear. But is it always there from the start? Is it not like love, where over time you develop these feelings?

I really believe there is great potential in this relationship and that there is something mentally blocking me from getting that spark. Like Beks101 said, he's a textbook perfect guy, and I am attracted to him in so many ways, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

It would normally be at the point wherebyou decided to make it a romantic relationship that you feel the spark. Dont feel that you are doing something wrong!

beks101

Can you pinpoint exactly what's missing? Is the sex lacking passion for example? Do you feel more like 'mates' than boyfriend/girlfriend? Are you really fond of him as friends usually are, but just not all that eager to be affectionate and sexual with him?

I think that transition from friendship to relationship is a big one and is bound to be a bit rocky at first. It's navigating the territory from "let's meet for a coffee and catch up" to "let's get naked together and whisper sweet nothings" so it's going to be a bit awkward, a bit weird.

But I think if it's beyond that and there's something fundamentally lacking from your end such as sexual attraction then it's probably time to rethink things. Someone being great on paper doesn't always translate to a real-life love story if there's a key ingredient missing.

CaraMay

Well you will be missing the getting to know you spark because you already know him. Tbh you sound like you've got a good thing going but are expecting thunderbolts etc etc. if you fancy him and are happy then why are you creating problems?

magneticimpulse

You only have one life and if the spark just isnt there its not there. There are plenty of nice guys on there, guys who make great friends. But you want someone who rocks your world. Why settle for amything less?

The fact that you have doubts after two months shows that your gut is telling you its lacking the passion and romance you are craving. This should be the exciting honeymoon phase and it seems just a bit blah the way you describe it.

He sounds like he makes a great friend and you sound like you are struggling to break the friend barrier....you should listen to your gut. If you not getting butterflies there is no point forcing it or dragging it out just because he is a nice guy.

VisibleGorilla

Are you sexually attracted to this man?

Does he turn you on? If the answer is no, end it.