Friends?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone

Kind of a lurker on this but I would like to hear other peoples opinion.
Has anyone one ever found it hard to make friends?!
I'm in my very early twenties and I've just come to the realisation that I've made no connections what so ever.
I'm just wondering if other people have ever experienced this and also if things do change!

Thank you!

cadesin

People will say to reach out. I would say to accept when friendship shows up. Trust that someone could like you. That was my problem. I could reach out in kindness but it was always without connecting. It was far more difficult to accept someone's friendship when it was extended. I am new to this friendship experience, but it's been an unexpected unfolding process rather than an event.

It can change OP give yourself some time and exposure.

Rubberchikken

joining things is a help. sharing something in common with others is a great way to let barriers down. it is hard, even difficult to make friends as we get older. adults are more inclined to stick with who they know and unwilling to let others in. and it's a shame.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply guys!
Trying to get in with people what have already made their own group of friends is definitely hard.
I'm in college and I've joined a lot of society but I'll keep trying and hopefully, I'll have people at my wedding some day! haha

cadesin

I know it's hard. Don't give up, even though it seems easier. It's worth all the effort. Give yourself some time and it will happen before you know it.

guppy

I'm in my thirties and have 2 friends. I have acquaintances, but two friends. That's all I've ever had since I was 20.

I went through the "I should have lots of friends or I'm a failure " phase til I realised that I'm just not that person. I'm not über outgoing. I'm friendly, but not really all that interesting. Plus I don't have the time or energy to put into making friends and fostering that friendship.

You need to decide if you want a Facebook life full of a million "friends", or your life with your good friend that you get on with and enjoy your life.

You will find that person, just look for the other shy, quiet one in the corner - you'll probably have way more in common with them than with the loud ones with a million friends!

LegacyUser

guppy wrote: »

I'm in my thirties and have 2 friends. I have acquaintances, but two friends. That's all I've ever had since I was 20.

I went through the "I should have lots of friends or I'm a failure " phase til I realised that I'm just not that person. I'm not über outgoing. I'm friendly, but not really all that interesting. Plus I don't have the time or energy to put into making friends and fostering that friendship.

You need to decide if you want a Facebook life full of a million "friends", or your life with your good friend that you get on with and enjoy your life.

You will find that person, just look for the other shy, quiet one in the corner - you'll probably have way more in common with them than with the loud ones with a million friends!

I am literally relating to you on so many levels right now.
Thank you so much for that.
I definitely want a life with a good friend and I think I'm starting to accept that that one person could be my boyfriend!

Thanks so much again, I'll definitely keeping looking

caille

Hi OP, like Guppy, I am also in my thirties and I also have two friends, period. They are very good friends and I know I could call on them in any kind of difficulty or crisis. I used to beat myself up about not having more friends or being popular. However, the older I get, the more I realise that as long as you have a few good friends, you really don't need any more than that. I have many acquaintances and like them but that is all they are.

I am married and I get you on the worries about not meeting someone, getting married. I was like that but once I decided to concentrate on myself and my own interests, I met my husband, just like that :-() That saying of when you are not looking, he/she will turn up, is very true.

When I got married, I went abroad and only had twenty people at it, all family. It was brilliant. I know what you mean about worrying about who will be at your wedding. My husband is like me and luckily, being in our 30s meant that we felt secure enough to go for the wedding we wanted. Having a big huge shindig in Ireland was our idea of hell. I bet you anything, by the time you come to get married, you won't care what kind of wedding to have, all that will matter to you is marrying the person you want to be with.

It is harder to make friends as you get older, I have joined some evening classes though and am getting to know people through them, nice people. One tip on classes though, people do tend to rush off afterwards and what I found is that you need to join a classes in something you really want to learn/do, getting to know people then is just a bonus, you don't mind as much if you don't because you are enjoying yourself so much at the classes, that has been my experience.

You have loads of time on your side - I would say, be open to people, talk to whoever talks to you, wherever that is, you never know who is out there for you. I met my husband in a job that I was thinking of leaving and he had only started in my company because he had left another job, a month either side and our paths would never have crossed! What is for you, will never pass you, best of luck.

CaraMay

Tbh I've never really as an adult had problems making friends but went through my whole first year in college not meeting any friends. It was dreadfully lonely and I ended up leaving. Since then it's been fine and I find it quite easy and I think that's because I really enjoy meeting people and am interested in them. I think it always helps to have something in common and that's why people often suggest joining clubs as a shared interest does make it easier to start up a conversation. I also think you have to put yourself out there and ask people for a coffee etc and if they say no, don't take it personally.

It's also handy to keep up with current affairs to have chit chat to fall back on. Just give it a go. It's like dating - fun as long as you don't take it too seriously.

LegacyUser

Thank so much for all the advice guys. You words of encouragement have been very encouraging