Forgotten ex-girlfriend!!

Montpelier

Hi everyone. While I'm waiting for my other thread to be unlocked (for some reason it's been closed! But thanks to all who responded) I'm posting this on behalf of a (female) work colleague/friend regarding an ex of hers. I have my own suspicious but would like other perspectives as well, please.

Basically she dated a guy a few years ago for around 6 months. While he appeared to be very keen, we were all a bit taken aback when he ended it all of a sudden (I suspected he may have been a bit scared/going before he was pushed since they were having some sexual problems where he was keener than she was to progress things) but I can't say for sure). At any rate at the time she appeared to come to terms with it fairly well, despite liking the guy a lot, something she never told him at the time. She had to change work locations shortly after the break-up and bought a flat which, like the job was nearer (though a separate district) to where he lives. She bumped into him a few times, had a short but amicable chat on one occasion, where he appeared v surprised to learn she'd moved! (Forgot to mention her previous block was being demolished so phone line cut off shortly after and she's also changed mobile numbers.) Ditto friends of his here and there who remembered her by name.

Fast forward to a recent night out where another colleague mentioned she was now working with his ex-girlfriend, he pretended he didn't remember her????!! Strange! I'm male and remember all my exes, including those years back!

Any thoughts? All appreciated.

Teafor two12345

He doesn't want to perhaps. Nevertheless it doesn't matter why. He has his reasons perhaps.

Or maybe he just genuinely did not remember her?

CaraMay

Cos it's a colleague and work, therefore private. Most people keep their work and relationships separate.

Diamond Doll

How is that a relationship issue for you?

Montpelier

Teafor two12345 wrote: »

He doesn't want to perhaps. Nevertheless it doesn't matter why. He has his reasons perhaps.

Or maybe he just genuinely did not remember her?

Thanks. No, he definitely remembers her and he knows chances are it could get back to her. Not sure (in the circumstances ie fairly clean break-up) what you mean by he wouldn't want to, though. I actually wonder is he still has feelings for her. (It's the only situation when I'd be tempted to 'forget' myself. She's pretty stunning, by the way!

Montpelier

Diamond Doll wrote: »

How is that a relationship issue for you?

Not me personally, as I explained in the OP, I'm just helping out a friend by gaining some other perspectives!

Mongfinder General

Montpelier wrote: »

Not me personally, as I explained in the OP, I'm just helping out a friend by gaining some other perspectives!

You're into her, big time.

LegacyUser

Maybe he fancied the girl he was talking to the other night and didn't want to complicate things by saying he knew her?

Montpelier

Mongfinder General wrote: »

You're into her, big time.

LOL no! Although stunning not really my type. Purely platonic. I have a girlfriend of my own!

Montpelier

CaraMay wrote: »

Cos it's a colleague and work, therefore private. Most people keep their work and relationships separate.

Sorry, just seen this. She's my work colleague who happens to live near him. Guy in question works in a completely different field.

CaraMay

Just because you think she's stunning doesn't mean he does. Maybe he was seeing someone else at the same time as her, and still is.

Teafor two12345

I think you would be helping your friend more by staying out of it.

I have an ex that I would avoid all contact with and anyone connected with them in anyway. I think everyone does. It's private just respect that and leave it alone.

kylith

He doesn't want to talk about her. Maybe he's kicking himself about losing her. Maybe he's sick of people asking why he finished with her. Whatever his reasons they're his. Leave him off.

PinkLemonade

Does it matter? You seem to be more interested in the gossip rather than looking to help the forgotten ex

njs030

Maybe your friend should post herself if she wants advice?
It's not very fair to be discussing other people's relationships without their knowledge and if she does know and wants help can't she posts herself!

Montpelier

PinkLemonade wrote: »

Does it matter? You seem to be more interested in the gossip rather than looking to help the forgotten ex

Not at all! I know she'd be interested in giving it another shot...I believe deep down there's a chance he might still like her, if he's acting like this but that's only my opinion, hence the need for others.

Montpelier

notjustsweet wrote: »

Maybe your friend should post herself if she wants advice?
It's not very fair to be discussing other people's relationships without their knowledge and if she does know and wants help can't she posts herself!

No, she knows I'm posting on her behalf. We discussed it today. She hasn't opened an account yet and is working tonight.

CaraMay

Montpelier wrote: »

Not at all! I know she'd be interested in giving it another shot...I believe deep down there's a chance he might still like her, if he's acting like this but that's only my opinion, hence the need for others.

I wouldn't think that tbh

CaraMay

Why did your colleague say to him that she was working with the girl? Chances are he felt uncomfortable that he had been talked about

Montpelier

CaraMay wrote: »

Why did your colleague say to him that she was working with the girl? Chances are he felt uncomfortable that he had been talked about

Thanks CaraMay. Yes, that struck me as well as being a possibility, him being uncomfortable. Being two women he may have felt (not the case, though I can assure you since the only one she talked to about this was me) a lot of the relationship details may have been discussed. AFAIK colleague only said it in passing/conversation, no other 'motive'. Still an odd response though.

So you don't think he's at all interested? The only reason I'm suggesting this is from personal experience-when I wanted someone to think I was over an ex (when I clearly wasn't!) and wanted the ex in question to believe I was!!! This guy is a bit quiet and sensitive.

Shrap

Montpelier wrote: »

Thanks. No, he definitely remembers her and he knows chances are it could get back to her.

Right here above is why this below is nothing like my opinion.

I actually wonder is he still has feelings for her. (It's the only situation when I'd be tempted to 'forget' myself. She's pretty stunning, by the way!

There are indeed other situations where this guy might "forget" all about her. A pretty obvious one to me is a situation where on a night out, some girl hops it off him about his ex girlfriend and he knows that the gossip mills were turning and this girl is possibly fishing for info. He then cuts the conversation dead by saying he doesn't know who she's talking about. Perhaps he finds this kind of second guessing and/or manipulation a total headwreck? Just a thought.

Montpelier

Shrap wrote: »

Right here above is why this below is nothing like my opinion.



There are indeed other situations where this guy might "forget" all about her. A pretty obvious one to me is a situation where on a night out, some girl hops it off him about his ex girlfriend and he knows that the gossip mills were turning and this girl is possibly fishing for info. He then cuts the conversation dead by saying he doesn't know who she's talking about. Perhaps he finds this kind of second guessing and/or manipulation a total headwreck? Just a thought.

Thanks Shrap. Good point. I've just remembered I forgot to mention he was pretty upset when they split up though. I guess it crossed my mind seeing her again might has re-ignited some feelings!

Thanks again everyone. I'm genuinely interested in different perspectives where relationship issues are concerned.

Shrap

Montpelier wrote: »

AFAIK colleague only said it in passing/conversation, no other 'motive'. Still an odd response though.

Not odd at all. If my theory is correct, then he was dead right, wasn't he? I mean, your colleague immediately spilled all to the ex girlfriend, they probably discussed his motivations for hours, then roped you into it to also discuss for hours with her AND on a relationship issues forum. Maybe this guy knows his ex quite well actually and possibly has a combination of ears burning at the speculation behind his back and/or a burning desire not to go down that rabbit hole again.....

Perhaps you should tell your friend (the ex) that the second guessing his motives with all her friends isn't a very grown-up way of finding out how he feels?

from_atozinc

I read the opening post and at the end of it I was like, what in the name of God is the point my of this rubbish - sorry if that sounds harsh.

What is the actual purpose of this thread !!!

bilbot79

They were having problems progressing things sexually after 6 months?? How strange

Ursus Horribilis

Montpelier wrote: »

No, she knows I'm posting on her behalf. We discussed it today. She hasn't opened an account yet and is working tonight.

So why can't she open an account with boards in the morning and ask these questions herself?

SteelyDanJalapeno

What's the issue here?

Stranger Danger

Montpelier wrote: »

Basically she dated a guy a few years ago for around 6 months. While he appeared to be very keen, we were all a bit taken aback when he ended it all of a sudden (I suspected he may have been a bit scared/going before he was pushed since they were having some sexual problems where he was keener than she was to progress things).

6 months in a relationship with no sex?

I'm surprised he lasted so long tbh.

No wonder he wants to pretend the whole thing never happened.

LegacyUser

If your friend wants to get back with him she needs to put on her big girl pants and approach him to talk about it. All this, "I think he wants", "I think she might" etc is useless. Your friend missed the boat on this one. He ended it. Now maybe due to bruised ego your friend (along with a few friends) is trying to figure out what he REALLY meant.

He really meant she's an ex. In his eyes the relationship wasn't going to go anywhere, they were incompatible, so he ended it. Cutting a conversation short is his way of letting someone know he's not interested in talking about it... You said he's quiet. If your friend wants to know where she stands (I'd say it's fairly clear, to be honest) then she should try to talk to him. But I think she needs to just move on from this. It's over. What's the point in dissecting it?

(Can be merged with previous post)
Also sounds like the colleague is sht-stirring! Obviously they hit a sore point with him. The grown up thing to do is just move on and forget the conversation. Instead they decided to bring back the gossip.

You should all just back off now and leave the fella in peace.

Ursus Horribilis

If your "friend" wants advice let her come on here herself. If she's old enough to (not) have sex she's surely capable of signing up for boards or posting anonymously. Furthermore if she's not capable of fighting her own battles and is telling her friends her private business to this extent then I'm not sure she's mature enough to be in a relationship.

bucketybuck

The op's "friend" sounds like a right drama llama to be honest. Teased the guy along for 6 months then dumped him, now wants to think that he still likes her and wants to be with her, and so tells the world all about it. Sounds like she just likes the attention.

I can totally understand the guy pretending he didn't know her, sounds like he just doesn't want to talk about her at all. I know I don't discuss my relationships past or present with any random person I meet, perhaps the OP and his friend should try it for a while.

Lux23

If he is going to say he doesn't remember he either (a) really doesn't or (b) is a bit of an eegit who likes playing games. I would steer well clear.

Merkin

This is not a relationship issue for you personally. I also closed your last thread because it was a general discussion type thread. You are clearly not au fait with the forum charter so please do so before starting any more general type threads which ultimately waste people's time. Thread closed.