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Bringing people home

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  • 28-10-2015 11:33am
    #1
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭


    I live in a house with 2 guys - one I've slept with a few times but it meant nothing. The other guys has often brought girls back but I never have brought guys back - even just to chill and watch tv. It's not something I did. But now I will be soon and for some reason I feel extremely shy doing it - not sure why. Is this something I'm overthinking and shouldn't feel shy over?!


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    #2
    ibarelycare
    Registered Users Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    Lamp69 wrote: »
    Is this something I'm overthinking and shouldn't feel shy over?!

    Yes. You're all adults.


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    #3
    Meauldsegosha
    Registered Users Posts: 7,595 ✭✭✭Meauldsegosha


    You are very much overthinking it. You are in your 30's so supposedly a mature adult. Why would you feel shy about bring a male guest into your home?


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    #4
    Fitz*
    Registered Users Posts: 15,204 ✭✭✭✭Fitz*


    Go for it.

    I live with 2 lads and a girl. 1 of the lad has a girlfriend, I had until recently and we never had any problems bringing them back to the house to chill or whatever, and the girl we live with had no problem with it.

    now she does keep it quiet when she brings home people, but that is her nature anyways.


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    #5
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Lamp69


    I guess I feel shy is because 1. I have not brought anyone home to this house before and 2. I've slept with one of the housemates. I am generally shy anyways


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    #6
    HalloweenJack
    Registered Users Posts: 7,062 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    Lamp69 wrote: »
    I guess I feel shy is because 1. I have not brought anyone home to this house before and 2. I've slept with one of the housemates. I am generally shy anyways
    If you can't get beyond this then you should talk to that housemate and see what he has to say on the matter, to remove all doubt.

    You said in your post that he's brought people back. Did he discuss it with you beforehand? If no, I don't see why you should do him the courtesy of talking to him about it.

    Frankly, your posts give the impression that you sleeping with your housemate is a bigger deal for you than you care to admit.


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    #7
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Lamp69


    HalloweenJack wrote: »
    If you can't get beyond this then you should talk to that housemate and see what he has to say on the matter, to remove all doubt.

    You said in your post that he's brought people back. Did he discuss it with you beforehand? If no, I don't see why you should do him the courtesy of talking to him about it.

    Frankly, your posts give the impression that you sleeping with your housemate is a bigger deal for you than you care to admit.


    He hasn't brought other people back - the other housemate has. I did speak to the housemate I slept with to say more than likely il be bringing a "friend" back so it's dealt with. I still find it awkward tho


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    #8
    HalloweenJack
    Registered Users Posts: 7,062 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    Then don't do it. It's never a good idea to do soemthing you're not comfortable with.


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    #9
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Lamp69


    HalloweenJack wrote: »
    Then don't do it. It's never a good idea to do soemthing you're not comfortable with.

    I have to - my "friend" wants to come back and I want him to come back too. It's the introductions etc il find awkward as I've never done it before. Guess I need to get it over with


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    #10
    HalloweenJack
    Registered Users Posts: 7,062 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    Why do you have to introduce them? Just head up to your room.

    At the end of the day, you're an adult, it's up to you what you do. It might be awkward but avoiding the awkwardness means you won't get what you want. What would you prefer more?


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    #11
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    Lamp69 wrote: »
    I have to - my "friend" wants to come back and I want him to come back too. It's the introductions etc il find awkward as I've never done it before. Guess I need to get it over with

    The guy you've been on two dates with and not sure if you liked him enough for a second? Now he's demanding to come back to your house??

    Your €300 a day job surely means you could afford to live alone...maybe that's the best option to avoid embarrassment.

    People can't force you to do what they want, your friend has to accept no if you don't want him to come to your house.


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    #12
    pookie82
    Registered Users Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Much like everything else you've posted here about in the last couple of weeks, you're dramatically overthinking this.

    Why do you keep repeating you've slept with one of your HMs? That makes no difference. You've also said you've already told him about what you're going to do. So again, no issue.

    You're 33, right? These sound like the kinds of issues someone in their late teens would have. Every date or small instance has you tying yourself in knots when there's nothing to be concerned about.

    You're seeing a new guy. Bring him home if you want. Don't if you don't.

    Maybe some counselling would help get your head generally straight if you're experiencing a lot of anxiety over day to day issues.


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    #13
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Lamp69


    notjustsweet wrote: »
    The guy you've been on two dates with and not sure if you liked him enough for a second? Now he's demanding to come back to your house??

    Your €300 a day job surely means you could afford to live alone...maybe that's the best option to avoid embarrassment.

    People can't force you to do what they want, your friend has to accept no if you don't want him to come to your house.

    What has my salary got to do with this? He's not demanding but more than likely it will happen as we seem to have hit it off :) I just want to avoid any awkwardness but it looks like il have to endure some which I don't like. I'm usually a shy person anyway


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    #14
    pookie82
    Registered Users Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Lamp69 wrote: »
    What has my salary got to do with this? He's not demanding but more than likely it will happen as we seem to have hit it off :)I just want to avoid any awkwardness but it looks like il have to endure some which I don't like. I'm usually a shy person anyway

    What's your issue so? Can you repeat it? All I can see are statements of fact, to be honest.

    We'll say "don't be shy". You'll say "I can't help it".

    We'll say "don't bring him home so". You'll say "I have to".

    This could go on for pages. What are you looking for?


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    #15
    Teafor two12345
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 410 ✭✭Teafor two12345


    Lamp69 wrote: »
    I live in a house with 2 guys - one I've slept with a few times but it meant nothing. The other guys has often brought girls back but I never have brought guys back - even just to chill and watch tv. It's not something I did. But now I will be soon and for some reason I feel extremely shy doing it - not sure why. Is this something I'm overthinking and shouldn't feel shy over?!

    I think once you do it you will stop feeling shy about it. It will pass :-)


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    #16
    ibarelycare
    Registered Users Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    At 33 years old and earning nearly €80k a year, why are you house sharing? If you want to avoid awkwardness and not have to face up to your shyness, rent on your own or buy your own house. You should have no problem getting a mortgage.


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    #17
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Lamp69


    Teafor two12345 wrote: »
    I think once you do it you will stop feeling shy about it. It will pass :-)


    Thanks for this - Ya it's just the initial hurdle to get over :)


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    #18
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Lamp69


    ibarelycare wrote: »
    At 33 years old and earning nearly €80k a year, why are you house sharing? If you want to avoid awkwardness and not have to face up to your shyness, rent on your own or buy your own house. You should have no problem getting a mortgage.



    Getting one next year


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    #19
    Confucius say
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 418 ✭✭Confucius say


    If you learn one thing from all this - don't sleep with flatmates


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    #20
    Stranger Danger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 241 ✭✭Stranger Danger


    Lamp69 wrote: »
    I just want to avoid any awkwardness but it looks like il have to endure some which I don't like.


    Unless you're planning on shagging him in the living room, I'm failing to see where the awkwardness is.


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    #21
    PinkLemonade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 768 ✭✭✭PinkLemonade


    OP, have you considered counselling? It could be better to talk to someone who can help you make these decisions for yourself


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    #22
    Lamp69
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Lamp69


    PinkLemonade wrote: »
    OP, have you considered counselling? It could be better to talk to someone who can help you make these decisions for yourself


    No I don't need counselling to decide whether I should go on another date or how to avoid awkwardness in a house. These are trivial matters - that's why I posted here


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    #23
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    As this is the third thread you have started in less than a fortnight in Relationship Issues I am going to close it OP. Everyone is welcome to post here but repeated threads are discouraged. As I have also brought up with you before, I'd advise you to kindly read the charter as there are now a number of issues which suggest that you may need to remind yourself of this. Finally, might I suggest some counselling if you feel you need help and guidance on dealing with general day to day interaction with people. All the best.


This discussion has been closed.
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