Problem with a girl.

LegacyUser

Ok so I don't really know how to start this.
I'm a guy, she's a girl (I told ya I don't know how to start this!) we're both in leaving Cert, always fairly friendly (not best buds but we'd say hi the odd time.. It's a small school anyway to everyone knows everyone)
I've always liked her, never did anything about it till recently when we started talking..
We talk most days in school but it's midterm now and I haven't talked to her since Friday because I don't want to get too close to her. Reason being is there is a party on Halloween (quadruple 18th) and I want to chance my arm with her..

I don't know if I'm really just chancing it or if she does actually like me.
What do you think?
I'm her 'maths buddy' (name used by teachers in the other class she changed from so it's not a pet name..) I give her the homework if she needs it and vice versa even though she has a lot of friends in the same class. I said it to her and she made up an excuse (we were joking.. Not a confrontation! I just said, oh is ___ not a reliable source' and she said that ____ was actually in town so I was her 'only hope, aren't you lucky'
(This along with many other tedious stories! One including her trying to stop me going home resulting in me tickling/poking her..)

Anyway, if I am to try something with her how should I go about it? We're going to a pub and then nightclub but I wouldn't really like leave it till the nightclub as I know other lads have their eye on her..
So how should I go about it? Or should I bother, am I just setting myself up for failure?..

Basically does she like me (do you think? from the example) and how should I do something about it at the party?...

OneOfThem

If you can't tell whether or not she likes you it'd be hard for anyone else to tell. But here's some advice. Have it tattooed on the inside of your eyelids in glow in the dark ink. It'll serve you better than any other piece of advice you ever get. Trust me on this. Here it is.

"Always, always, always presume every woman you like likes you unless you know for sure they don't."

That should be the default. None of this "Oh, maybe they like me maybe they don't not gonna do sh1t unless I know for sure" business. You know what that results in more often than not? You standing there at the end of a Halloween party looking sad while some lad that wasn't waiting for a written confirmation that she liked him has his tongue in her mouth and his hands on her arse.

You take her hand, look her in the eyes for a sec, then kiss her. She either kisses you back or she doesn't. If she doesn't (she will), then you shrug your shoulders, say "Can't blame me for trying sure, you're gorgeous" then carry on chatting away or whatever just like before.

petes

I know how young you are but any chance you could ask her out before the party?

Do you have her phone number, friends on Facebook etc. Some people here might suggest ringing her if you had her number but going by your age I'd say ye all text more than talk.

I met my last girlfriend on Facebook and hadn't talked to her over the phone before even meeting her. I'm 35, she was 42.

Shrap

What "oneofthem" said is good - spend too long dithering about whether she likes you or not to try not to make the slightest bit of a show of yourself, will hold you back OP (and as said previous, others might not hang about dithering).

Make sure you're there early. As soon as you see her, give a big smile of acknowledgement and a hi - soon as possible, ask her how half term was, any news, etc. - all the small talk stuff - then ask can you get her a drink (if you're over 18 - that helps!). The rest, hopefully, will be a natural progression if she's liking your company. Smile your nicest smiles OP

WheatenBriar

Have you exchanged phone numbers and are fb friends,Snapchat etc
No need for the mid term silence

zoobizoo

OneOfThem wrote: »

If you can't tell whether or not she likes you it'd be hard for anyone else to tell. But here's some advice. Have it tattooed on the inside of your eyelids in glow in the dark ink. It'll serve you better than any other piece of advice you ever get. Trust me on this. Here it is.

"Always, always, always presume every woman you like likes you unless you know for sure they don't."

That should be the default. None of this "Oh, maybe they like me maybe they don't not gonna do sh1t unless I know for sure" business. You know what that results in more often than not? You standing there at the end of a Halloween party looking sad while some lad that wasn't waiting for a written confirmation that she liked him has his tongue in her mouth and his hands on her arse.

You take her hand, look her in the eyes for a sec, then kiss her. She either kisses you back or she doesn't. If she doesn't (she will), then you shrug your shoulders, say "Can't blame me for trying sure, you're gorgeous" then carry on chatting away or whatever just like before.

This should be part of the school curriculum

LegacyUser

Op here.
So you last night was the night.
No suspense- nothing happened.
She was acting pretty weird. She came over and said hello first thing then chatted for a bit, went off and came back later got a friend to take a picture stayed chatting.
Then at the nightclub she said she couldn't find any of the girls (not a big place, I mean in the booth next to me was a crowd of people she'd know and talk to..) I asked if she wanted to sit down and she declined so after a few minutes we walked off looking for the girls.. Basically we walked about for a bit, found the girls and I left.

Next day she sent me the picture that was taken last night saying 'aw how cute do we look?'... So I don't know.
She was looking over at me when I was talking with another girl. So I'm not sure what's going on!

Shrap

Hope you messaged back OP? If not, there's still time to say "You're pretty cute alright!" and/or "We should try that again - don't think that was my best side ;-)"

In other words, you have been invited to flirt.

LegacyUser

I replied 'yeah, it's a pity your in it (insert winky face)' to which she replied. 'Fine crop me out Idc'.. I assume she's joking!
I'm not very good at this.... Teach me o wise ones!

MauraTheThird

Iaskedthisquestion wrote: »

I replied 'yeah, it's a pity your in it (insert winky face)' to which she replied. 'Fine crop me out Idc'.. I assume she's joking!
I'm not very good at this.... Teach me o wise ones!

She genuinely might have taken that as a sly dig about her looks. I'd be a bit more obvious if I was you because being overly subtle means you could miss out.

A moment of embarrassment vs a lifetime of regrets :pac:

LegacyUser

I realised afterwards that it seems more like a weird friendly thing to say..
I've dropped that idea of being subtle because it doesn't work.

I think there's another 18 in a couple of weeks so I'll just have to wait (don't want to get very close with her so I end up as a friend..)

Exactly, rejections easier to live with then regret!

petes

Ophere wrote: »

I think there's another 18 in a couple of weeks so I'll just have to wait (don't want to get very close with her so I end up as a friend..)

Well then just ask her out, your intentions a clear then. Easy to say this on a message board mind but waiting a couple of weeks isn't the answer. Someone else might ask her out!!

If she says no, what of it.

ted1

Ophere wrote: »

I realised afterwards that it seems more like a weird friendly thing to say..
I've dropped that idea of being subtle because it doesn't work.

I think there's another 18 in a couple of weeks so I'll just have to wait (don't want to get very close with her so I end up as a friend..)

Exactly, rejections easier to live with then regret!

Why wait weeks? Why not go out during the week?

OnTheCouch

MauraTheThird wrote: »

She genuinely might have taken that as a sly dig about her looks. I'd be a bit more obvious if I was you because being overly subtle means you could miss out.

A moment of embarrassment vs a lifetime of regrets :pac:

Yeah in my experience I'd always be very careful of what you say in non-face-to-face communication.

Things you can say when you are looking at her, where all your facial expressions and body language are visible and obvious, is a huge contrast to a text/online message where she can't see you.

In other words, if you are grinning and sticking your tongue out in person and calling her ugly/dorky/silly or whatever, it's going to be much more obvious that you're just having a laugh than in a text, where a smiley face will just be confusing and she may take it the wrong way. (Note, I wouldn't recommend ever calling a girl ugly - just using it as an example of how extreme you can sometimes get in person, some girls may laugh it off if they're very confident and/or if you know them very well, but as a general rule no, I wouldn't say it).

Via text/email I would restrict the banter to very light teasing, especially if you don't know her particularly well. You never know what sort of insecurities she has and what she might take really badly.

LuckyLloyd

OneOfThem wrote: »

If you can't tell whether or not she likes you it'd be hard for anyone else to tell. But here's some advice. Have it tattooed on the inside of your eyelids in glow in the dark ink. It'll serve you better than any other piece of advice you ever get. Trust me on this. Here it is.

"Always, always, always presume every woman you like likes you unless you know for sure they don't."

That should be the default. None of this "Oh, maybe they like me maybe they don't not gonna do sh1t unless I know for sure" business. You know what that results in more often than not? You standing there at the end of a Halloween party looking sad while some lad that wasn't waiting for a written confirmation that she liked him has his tongue in her mouth and his hands on her arse.

You take her hand, look her in the eyes for a sec, then kiss her. She either kisses you back or she doesn't. If she doesn't (she will), then you shrug your shoulders, say "Can't blame me for trying sure, you're gorgeous" then carry on chatting away or whatever just like before.

I wish someone had said that to me when I was 18.

LegacyUser

Most people my age tend to 'meet' on a night out (18th usually) keep that up for a while and then go out.
I live in the arsehole of nowhere so asking her out (literally asking her out to somewhere) means going into the city on the train. Usually it's a group of lads or girls. Or a couple who've been going out for a good while.

I was thinking that waiting till the 18 might be a bad idea, i mean even after my example of how terrible I am at this she still flirts with me.

Only thing I can think off is letting her know my intentions from the last night and then depending on her answer mention about the next 18th..
(The again this is from the lad with the problem!)

lima

Dude,

She was totally flirting with you. It sounds like she used the excuse of 'lets get a photo together' as an opening to talk to you. Then she used the photo as a way to initiate dialogue with you..

Bad move saying that you want to crop her out of the photo, you just pushed yourself into the friend zone a little too much..

You should have said something like 'Well you are the only cute one in that photo, I'm not much of a hottie myself.. (winky face)'

I think that it might be time to message her after school and initiate a chat with her, nothing special just ask her about herself and make yourself sound interested in her.. build up a base of knowledge about each other which you can use at the upcoming 18th - you will have much more to say to her when you have found out more about her..

Just don't go overboard and NEVER be creepy.. its a fine balance of 'I care' and 'I don't care' that you need to master to get her

Good luck

Figbiscuithead

Questionsman wrote: »

Most people my age tend to 'meet' on a night out (18th usually) keep that up for a while and then go out.
I live in the arsehole of nowhere so asking her out (literally asking her out to somewhere) means going into the city on the train. Usually it's a group of lads or girls. Or a couple who've been going out for a good while.

I was thinking that waiting till the 18 might be a bad idea, i mean even after my example of how terrible I am at this she still flirts with me.

Only thing I can think off is letting her know my intentions from the last night and then depending on her answer mention about the next 18th..
(The again this is from the lad with the problem!)

OP, I'm going to lay it to you straight, I'd say give up the faffing about and make your intentions known to this girl. You sound like a nice fella and it sounds as if this girl might like you. No more cryptic, piss-taking messages - you're not 14 anymore - sometimes you just have to spell it out. I was 18 once and my first boyfriend at that age was about 5 or 6 years older than me and the reason? Because he had the balls to just walk up to me and very obviously chat me up and that immediately impressed me. The piss-taking is grand when you're kids but not now. By simply sending her message telling her that you had another look at the photo of you two and you think she's gorgeous, you're making it known to her that you fancy her.

When I was your age, we had to say this kind of stuff by phone or face-to-face (or via a friend ) - there was no Whatsapp or Snap Chat or even email to avoid this kind of embarrassing encounter but I can tell you, the alads who picked up the phone and had the balls to call you and ask you out were the ones who got the girls (I made my share of those calls too, by the way!). Nowadays all you have to do is send a message. I'd say bite the bullet and forget this "waiting 'till the next 18th" business; between now and then someone might've made the move and she'll be with someone else. Go for it!

LegacyUser

Just thought I'd let the lovely folks of boards know that I've taken your advice onboard (pun intended).
We talked about the 18, realised she was one of the people he forgot to add to the event on Facebook (one of 10.. He's very forgetful but he said to make sure everyone gets going who wasn't added)

She was wondering if he didn't add her on purpose or what.
I said 'I'll bring ya as my plus one, that way we'll both get in anyway!' She seemed sort of shocked but said something like 'ouuuhh like a date, I'll repay you on the night so' and she knows I don't really drink so...
I think it's game on!
We're chatting abit more often now to and other people (teachers) have noticed and commented on it..

Thanks for all the advice, none of this would have been possible with out the team behind me!
I'd like to end on an important note.
This all said in person!
So thanks for everything!

Merkin

Glad it's been resolved. I'll close the thread now. Best of luck.