Driving lesson

Monkeysgomad

So I've been doing my driving lessons in my instructors car but it's crap! Therefore I've changed to use my aunts car, the one I'm learning to drive in.
She is extremely paranoid and if you saw my last post you'd understand - always flinching and grabbing hold of the handle etc.
Anyway she said I can use the car for the lesson if she's in it for the 1hour lesson as she thinks something might happen. Obviously I'm with an instructor and she doesn't need to be there. How can I go about explaining to her that it will be fine ? #fedup

ProudDUB

If she is as nervous and skittish as you say she is, odds are nothing you can do or say is going to change that. It's just her personality. She won't change, just because she is getting on your nerves. Why not get someone else in the family to go with you? It doesn't have to be your aunt, just because she owns the car. As long as they have held a full license for at least two years, anyone can be your accompanying driver.

Lia_lia

Seriously, she needs to relax! An instructor is with you, they are going to cautious with you and make sure you don't wreck the car. What difference does your aunt think it will make if she's in the car?

Alanstrainor

Why is the instructors car crap? I would not take lessons with your aunt in the car, nor would i expect an instructor to do so either.

Monkeysgomad

ProudDUB wrote: »

If she is as nervous and skittish as you say she is, odds are nothing you can do or say is going to change that. It's just her personality. She won't change, just because she is getting on your nerves. Why not get someone else in the family to go with you? It doesn't have to be your aunt, just because she owns the car. As long as they have held a full license for at least two years, anyone can be your accompanying driver.

It does need to be her - she won't allow anyone else be in the car while I'm driving or let anyone else take me in the car. I'm doing a lesson with a qualified instructor I don't expect her to have the need to sit in the back.

Monkeysgomad

Lia_lia wrote: »

Seriously, she needs to relax! An instructor is with you, they are going to cautious with you and make sure you don't wreck the car. What difference does your aunt think it will make if she's in the car?

Well that's what I'm trying to point out to her. I'm actually more relaxed with the instructor than with her so it's better when I of with him - if she's there I just won't be able to drive properly knowing she's in the back and the way she is.

Monkeysgomad

Alanstrainor wrote: »

Why is the instructors car crap? I would not take lessons with your aunt in the car, nor would i expect an instructor to do so either.

His car is completely different to the one I'm learning in eg. Mine is 1.6 diesel his 1l petrol, mine has an automatic handbrake, his doesn't - there is no point going through all the hassle of learning the handbrake when in the test in my car I won't use it.
I don't want to have to ask the instructor to have her in the car - it is completely unnecessary. I'm not blowing my own horn but I'm not a bad driver. I am really safe and trying to do everything roght as I need my license before summer as I plan on going abroad for some time. The instructor has even said I'm one of the best drivers he's had - that I'm relaxed and in control which goes a long way. So she really doesn't need to be the way she's being.

ProudDUB

Could you ask someone else in the family - someone whose judgement she respects - to have a word with her? Someone who actually knows the woman, can get to the root of why she is so nervous. They know best, how to handle her and approach her. Random people on the internet, who have never even met the woman, can only do so much. We don't know her.

Telling people that they need to relax or calm down is pointless. She obviously has very very strong feelings about your driving her car. You can't just wish them away. You need to get to the root cause of what is causing them. Perhaps you aren't as good a driver as you think you are. Or maybe she had a frightening experience being a passenger, and that has made her incapable of not interfering in your driving. Or maybe she has money troubles and is worried about what will happen if you crash the car.

If you haven't been able to get to the root of it all and get across to her that she is being a hindrance, let someone else try. It's possible you are so frustrated with her now, that is coming across in your dealings with her, which only gets her back up further.

Alanstrainor

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

His car is completely different to the one I'm learning in eg. Mine is 1.6 diesel his 1l petrol, mine has an automatic handbrake, his doesn't - there is no point going through all the hassle of learning the handbrake when in the test in my car I won't use it.
I don't want to have to ask the instructor to have her in the car - it is completely unnecessary. I'm not blowing my own horn but I'm not a bad driver. I am really safe and trying to do everything roght as I need my license before summer as I plan on going abroad for some time. The instructor has even said I'm one of the best drivers he's had - that I'm relaxed and in control which goes a long way. So she really doesn't need to be the way she's being.

Yup, I can see where you're coming from.

I would have to wonder if it makes sense using the instructors car up to a point, and then when you're getting close to test time move to the other car and deal with all that madness then. The skills you learn driving a car, are pretty easily transferable especially if you will learn on an old style manual handbrake and then move to an automatic one.

Doing it this way will at least mean that you can let your Aunt see that you have progressed to a stage where you can safely drive, and then work on convincing her to allow you to take lessons in her car.

Monkeysgomad

ProudDUB wrote: »

Could you ask someone else in the family - someone whose judgement she respects - to have a word with her? Someone who actually knows the woman, can get to the root of why she is so nervous. They know best, how to handle her and approach her. Random people on the internet, who have never even met the woman, can only do so much. We don't know her.

Telling people that they need to relax or calm down is pointless. She obviously has very very strong feelings about your driving her car. You can't just wish them away. You need to get to the root cause of what is causing them. Perhaps you aren't as good a driver as you think you are. Or maybe she had a frightening experience being a passenger, and that has made her incapable of not interfering in your driving. Or maybe she has money troubles and is worried about what will happen if you crash the car.

If you haven't been able to get to the root of it all and get across to her that she is being a hindrance, let someone else try. It's possible you are so frustrated with her now, that is coming across in your dealings with her, which only gets her back up further.

Thanks for the reply. She is a nervous person in general even when she drives with her husband when he's driving she is extremely nervous - it doesn't matter who she's with. She has no money trouble and has not had a bad experience driving herself or ever Been in a crash. The only time she's calm is when she drives the car herself.
My dad has spoke to her and she has tried to calm down in the car but it's like when I'm on the road by myself she's okay then a car comes near us, passes us out or basically just drives along the road she gets nervous.

Monkeysgomad

Alanstrainor wrote: »

Yup, I can see where you're coming from.

I would have to wonder if it makes sense using the instructors car up to a point, and then when you're getting close to test time move to the other car and deal with all that madness then. The skills you learn driving a car, are pretty easily transferable especially if you will learn on an old style manual handbrake and then move to an automatic one.

Doing it this way will at least mean that you can let your Aunt see that you have progressed to a stage where you can safely drive, and then work on convincing her to allow you to take lessons in her car.

Well the instructor has asked we use my car now. He said I'm capable enough to drive without him having dual control and that he feels I'm a safe driver.

Alanstrainor

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

Well the instructor has asked we use my car now. He said I'm capable enough to drive without him having dual control and that he feels I'm a safe driver.

Ask him to have a word with your aunt so. That's the only way. She is being unreasonable, but you're not going to be able to convince her otherwise.

Monkeysgomad

Alanstrainor wrote: »

Ask him to have a word with your aunt so. That's the only way. She is being unreasonable, but you're not going to be able to convince her otherwise.

Yes I was thinking of doing that - but she will get very odd with me and him! I will have to deal with that then

Alanstrainor

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

Yes I was thinking of doing that - but she will get very odd with me and him! I will have to deal with that then

So be it...

Plenty of good suggestions here all of which are going to involve some communication with your aunt. At the end of the day it is her car, and it's her decision. You can simply tell your instructor you no longer have access to the car as that seems to be the case. Or you can do as I suggested and talk it through.

Monkeysgomad

Alanstrainor wrote: »

So be it...

Plenty of good suggestions here all of which are going to involve some communication with your aunt. At the end of the day it is her car, and it's her decision. You can simply tell your instructor you no longer have access to the car as that seems to be the case. Or you can do as I suggested and talk it through.

Yes I will try talking with her and the instructor and see what happens. I won't be going back to doing them in his car so it will have to be talk to her and hope she listens or stop the lessons!