Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

In a relationship knowing there's someone better out there

  • 26-10-2015 9:42pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi. I hope you can help me. I recently starting seeing this guy who I really like and get on really well with, but I'm having doubts. Before I started seeing him I was in a short relationship with another guy. He was amazing and everything I was looking for in a boyfriend. Unfortunately it didn't work out. He moved to america and there was no practical way of keeping our relationship going, even though we both wanted to.

    Now, with this new guy I'm seeing, I am constantly comparing my old boyfriend with him. There are certain things I liked a lot more about my ex. I know the guy I'm seeing is still great, but he just has a very different personality.

    I'm worried I'm settling for him when I have had a relationship with a better spark in the past. Am I just setting myself up for failure comparing the two?


Comments

  • #2
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,133 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    Its normal to compare, but I think its unfair for you to keep seeing this new guy when your clearly not over your ex. Give yourself a chance to get over it. You wont be able to fully be with someone new if your still holding a candle for someone else.


  • #3
    Jon Stark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,304 ✭✭✭Jon Stark


    Do him a favour and let your boyfriend go. Why waste both your time OP? You may like the guy but you must not have a lot of respect for him if the best word you can use to describe the relationship is settling.


  • #4
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,437 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Realistically you're no go for him so do the decent thing and cut him loose. Go sort your own feelings out and once that is done then start looking again.


  • #5
    spiral1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10 ✭spiral1


    bigdoubts wrote: »
    Hi. I hope you can help me. I recently starting seeing this guy who I really like and get on really well with, but I'm having doubts. Before I started seeing him I was in a short relationship with another guy. He was amazing and everything I was looking for in a boyfriend. Unfortunately it didn't work out. He moved to america and there was no practical way of keeping our relationship going, even though we both wanted to.



    Now, with this new guy I'm seeing, I am constantly comparing my old boyfriend with him. There are certain things I liked a lot more about my ex. I know the guy I'm seeing is still great, but he just has a very different personality.

    I'm worried I'm settling for him when I have had a relationship with a better spark in the past. Am I just setting myself up for failure comparing the two?[/q

    Dump him...don't ever settle for second best..and there's a reason why your ex is your ex..go out there and have a whale of a time..when you meet the right one,you won't be comparing him to anyone..
    HTH


  • #6
    LeeLooLee
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 422 ✭✭LeeLooLee


    It seems to me like you just want what you can't have. I was dating a guy a few months back who was amazing. Goodlooking, very intelligent, extremely interesting, the works. He also moved abroad, but rather than pine for him, I realise that it was never going to work long term. At the end of the day, he was just too selfish. He didn't even consider staying behind or trying to make it work so while he really liked me, clearly I wasn't as important to him as his career and desire to travel. I think some of the things I liked about him - his spontaneity, free spiritedness and passion - were precisely the things that made him a bad bet for a long term partner. Are you sure it's not the same with this guy?


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    What exactly are you looking for in this relationship? If it's not too serious, continue having fun by all means.


  • #8
    tomwaterford
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,768 ✭✭✭✭tomwaterford


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    What exactly are you looking for in this relationship? If it's not too serious, continue having fun by all means.

    Is that not in effect stringing the other person along??


  • #9
    Greenduck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 303 ✭✭Greenduck


    OP - no matter what this new guy is never going to be the old guy. He's living in his shadow and really doesn't stand much of a chance with your heart being somewhere else.

    I think you already know what you have to do, otherwise you wouldn't have written the post. I think you need some time to heal from your ex before you can move on happily and without any doubts.

    Don't feel bad, these things happen. Sometimes things just don't work out. At least at the end of the day you have been true to yourself no matter how hard it was and despite the consequences.

    If you continue this relationship, you could do unnecessary damage to your current BF without even realising it. He may start to feel like he's not good enough or fighting a losing battle. This in turn could affect his confidence and future relationships.


Advertisement