Forgetting first kiss

BrokenArrows

So my fiancée asked me do describe our first kiss and how I felt.

I described it and apparently I'm wrong about the time and place and I don't remember her description and she's amazingly angry.

How unforgivable is this?

Dial Hard

BrokenArrows wrote:

How unforgivable is this?

It's a non issue. Or would be for me, anyway.

Your fiancée, I suspect has very different notions of what constitutes romance than me.

Diamond Doll

She sounds like a headwreck drama queen.

demanufactured

Run away.

bp

Personally (as a female) I put a lot more stock in this than my husband but realise (begrudgingly) that he just doesn't do romance that way.....he loves me deeply but wouldn't remember the small stuff (I kept everything from our first year of dating). Still have it too a decade later.

He walks on the outside of the path so I don't fall into traffic , he lights the fire so I am warm after work (and matches scare me!), he puts my gloves on the radiator on a cold day, when I break stuff he just fixes it without a word, he buys flakes for my hot chocolate, he drives so I can sit back and relax, he rubs my smelly feet:) etc. This, to me, means a lot more

She needs to accept that you do romance differently to her.

Is she remembering the right first kiss???

njs030

That's crazy!!

Is she normally so demanding?

Augme

BrokenArrows wrote: »

How unforgivable is this?

I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty bad, not sure I'd be able to forgive her for getting so angry over something so trivial......

OhDearyMe

Amazingly angry?? Jaysus. Getting into a bit of a stonk for an hours or so is one thing but really, really peed off? I'd say she needs to get a grip. I don't put much stock in this stuff and I choose my battles - fighting over this kind of crap is such a waste of time and energy. Its the day-to-day stuff that matters.

eviltwin

Sounds like the reaction of a teenage girl and not a grown woman. I can't remember my first kiss with my husband, no idea when, where or how it happened. Does it matter? Feck no, its a tiny moment in a much bigger picture and has zero relevance to anything. Tell her to grow up and if she is like this about other aspects of your relationship I'd be telling her to sort herself out or I'd be gone. Sounds like a complete mind melt.

Daisy 55

bp wrote: »

Personally (as a female) I put a lot more stock in this than my husband but realise (begrudgingly) that he just doesn't do romance that way.....he loves me deeply but wouldn't remember the small stuff (I kept everything from our first year of dating). Still have it too a decade later.

He walks on the outside of the path so I don't fall into traffic , he lights the fire so I am warm after work (and matches scare me!), he puts my gloves on the radiator on a cold day, when I break stuff he just fixes it without a word, he buys flakes for my hot chocolate, he drives so I can sit back and relax, he rubs my smelly feet:) etc. This, to me, means a lot more

She needs to accept that you do romance differently to her.

Is she remembering the right first kiss???

That's lovely!

3DataModem

My wife has no idea about dates or milestones. Used to think it was weird, now I admire (and envy) how much she lives in the moment.

Midnight Sundance

bp wrote: »

Personally (as a female) I put a lot more stock in this than my husband but realise (begrudgingly) that he just doesn't do romance that way.....he loves me deeply but wouldn't remember the small stuff (I kept everything from our first year of dating). Still have it too a decade later.

He walks on the outside of the path so I don't fall into traffic , he lights the fire so I am warm after work (and matches scare me!), he puts my gloves on the radiator on a cold day, when I break stuff he just fixes it without a word, he buys flakes for my hot chocolate, he drives so I can sit back and relax, he rubs my smelly feet:) etc. This, to me, means a lot more

She needs to accept that you do romance differently to her.

Is she remembering the right first kiss???

Aw he sounds lovely!!

deex

If I was your girlfriend, I'd probably be a little bit hurt/disappointed because I'm a sucker for all those early-on romantic memories, but I would certainly NOT be angry, or openly display any disappointment, because it's not your fault at all.

It's fine for her to feel a little bit secretly disappointed, as long as she doesn't make a drama out of it. "Amazingly angry" is a very, very bad sign.

BrokenArrows

Ah shes calmed down now and apologised to me for getting so angry. She just explained that it was such a special moment for her and was hurt that I didn't even remember it.

LegacyUser

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Ah shes calmed down now and apologised to me for getting so angry. She just explained that it was such a special moment for her and was hurt that I didn't even remember it.

At least she copped on to herself. The initial reaction would put me on my guard though - does she have similar teenage tantrums to other differences in point of view?

CaraMay

It sounds like an insecurity thing op. She seems to be testing you to see if the relationship means as much to you as her. Her reaction is way ott and something you need to get to the bottom off. She seems to want the while romantic dream but why does she need that if all is well right now?

zeffabelli

This is a common clash - disa agreeing memories and meaning systems.

It meant more to her than you and she's having a freak out because the story isn't the same.

Maybe ask get to remind you, consolidate the memory and rebuild the story together.

endacl

Perhaps you're the one remembering it correctly, OP?

Throw that cat amongst the pigeons.

Nabber

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Ah shes calmed down now and apologised to me for getting so angry. She just explained that it was such a special moment for her and was hurt that I didn't even remember it.

Problem solved. No need to dwell on it.

CaraMay wrote: »

It sounds like an insecurity thing op. She seems to be testing you to see if the relationship means as much to you as her. Her reaction is way ott and something you need to get to the bottom off. She seems to want the while romantic dream but why does she need that if all is well right now?

Talk about over reaction! wrote: »

At least she copped on to herself. The initial reaction would put me on my guard though - does she have similar teenage tantrums to other differences in point of view?

Yes let's not fully accept her apology, there is no place for emotion and mistakes in a relationship. Let's move on with further lines on enquiry.

Perhaps some people need to take off the psychology cap hang up the psychiatrist jacket and just lend an ear.

Eeden

Don't forget the song "I remember it well" from the movie Gigi. There's more truth in this song than you would think.

In my (quite extensive) experience, people's memories differ greatly, even for so-called "important" memories. Memories can be influenced and even changed by external factors. I've seen this in my own relationships and also with old family memories - everyone has their own version, which so often clashes with everyone else's.

Shrap

I always think a good test for commitment and intimacy is a couple's ability to forget the rows, whatever about remembering the romantic stuff.

My fella reminded me of one of our two rows the other day - I had completely forgotten it. I reminded him of our other one, and he had completely forgotten it. Which shows how often (just the once in 4 years) we bring them up

Lux23

I can't remember kissing my boyfriend for the first time because I was very drunk. I don't think he minds because if I hadn't been drunk, he probably wouldn't have come home with me that night.

CaraMay

Nabber wrote: »

Problem solved. No need to dwell on it.





Yes let's not fully accept her apology, there is no place for emotion and mistakes in a relationship. Let's move on with further lines on enquiry.

Perhaps some people need to take off the psychology cap hang up the psychiatrist jacket and just lend an ear.

She got amazingly angry over this. That's dotty. Engagements are the final test before the marriage and something as mental as this wiuld throw up a red flag for me. She sounds v insecure, immature and controlling. Hopefully she's not and this was just a mistake. The fact that the op asking if it was 'unforgivable' is also bizarre. Sounds v hen pecked. Op does any of this ring true?

zeffabelli

CaraMay wrote: »

She got amazingly angry over this. That's dotty. Engagements are the final test before the marriage and something as mental as this wiuld throw up a red flag for me. She sounds v insecure, immature and controlling. Hopefully she's not and this was just a mistake. The fact that the op asking if it was 'unforgivable' is also bizarre. Sounds v hen pecked. Op does any of this ring true?

Engagements also make people act bizarre.

Sometimes they get very sick too... It's all the anxiety.

A study showed brides regularly get sick, as in flu type sick on their wedding say.