Do I take her back?

LegacyUser

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We were having a small bit of trouble, but nothing major. There was some issues with intimacy but I put that down to stress from her with work, which she admitted to previously and wanted some space sometimes, whereas I wanted all the attention! We didn't get to see each other as much due to conflicting work schedules so I wanted to make the most of our time together.

Anyways, last weekend, I caught her kissing another lad right in front of my face. Almost as if to show me what she was doing as she came over from a different part of the pub she was in, to where I was. We were out with different groups. I had never seen him before. I asked her why she did it and her reply was 'why not'. I had known that she had cheated before.

Since then, there has been very little contact from her. No apology or nothing. Then a few snapchats to me about loving life so I replied some vague replies and then told her how much I loved her but she replied saying how the world is a joke etc.

Fast forward to this weekend and she sent me a picture of her getting ready for a date. I don't know how true it was but her snapchat stories of late are vague to possibly suggest she is on dates already.

She then called me one night but I avoided it and instead text the next day and asked what did she want (hoping it would be an apology and to try get me back), she replied it was an accident so I just asked to meet so we could exchange back clothes etc and she agreed.

Now the tough bit. I'm in a serious downer/depression ever since and miss her a lot because the good times were great. Mornings are the worst are we were so used to sleeping over. I miss being able to just talk to her. I'm thinking of asking her to try work things out, forget about the last week and give it another go. Is this a good idea?

I have been reading a lot this week about the idea of 'the one' and how its not possible etc, and that I'm just blinded by my feelings for her still. I can understand that it can take time for me to heel and that I will find someone better, but the qualities she possessed are so much that I look for a in a girl, aside from the cheating! She was my first proper love, girlfriend, parents involved etc so I am not sure if all this is clouding my judgement. At the moment I do not want to even think about other girls, just her. But I am worried that if we do get back together, there will always be a cloud hanging over. Like I do think that I should try fight for this love, to steal from a cringey song title.

We had often talked about a future together, kids etc (sometimes jokingly as we had a pregnancy 'scare' lately) so I do not want to throw this all away. And anyways, it could have been just a kiss for all I know? But on the other hand, maybe not - considering how I got with her in the first place!

Do I ask her and try convince her to give it another go, just walk away, or ask her & get rejected and suffer even more pain?

All advice / constructive criticism etc welcome.

wirelessdude01

Cop on to yourself. Take her back? This 'lady' is acting like a tramp. Have some respect for yourself and move on.

strandroad

Don't, she's a repeat offender and will keep doing it.

osarusan

ConflictingFeelings wrote: »

All advice / constructive criticism etc welcome.

I hope so.

kissing other fellas in front of you, texting you about dates she's going on with other guys...

My advice is to stay well away from her - she sounds like an absolute headwreck who wants to tease and taunt all the time.

No fun or stability in that.

Midnight Sundance

To be honest it sounds like she's trying her hardest to nail the door shut on your relationship so there's no going back.
Honestly, a life with no one forever would be better than a month with someone trampling all over you like that!!!
Get a hobby that doesn't involve her (something for yourself) and move on !
What type of life would you be setting yourself up for taking her back!! I don't think she wants you back being honest- (sorry )

ColeTrain

The thread title is a bit misleading! It's not like she's begging you to 'take her back' - in fact she's busy shifting other lads right in your face.

You love her, but if she truly loved you she wouldn't be behaving like this. At best she sounds like a headwreck like looking for attention and at worst, a bit twisted.

You should probably stay away from this girl and move on tbh, the sooner you do the more hassle/heartbreak you'll save yourself in the long run.

InPainRightNow

Op don't go back she has no respect for you... Your hurting now but believe me if you marry have kids chances are she may cheat again and then you'll feel pain and imagine what your kids will go through.

Move on and meet someone that loves you she doesn't

All the best OP

njs030

Your question "do I take her back" sounds like It's something she wants.
Nothing in this woman's behaviour suggests she has any interest in getting back together with you.

For your own sake forget her and move on to someone who treats you with basic decency.Delete her from all your social media and stop looking at what she's doing with her life now

kylith

Sorry to be blunt but if you were to try get her back you would be doing nothing but marking yourself as a sap who will put up with anything she does. Delete her from all your social media and count your lucky stars you've gotten away from her.

Paddy Cow

ConflictingFeelings wrote: »

We had often talked about a future together, kids etc (sometimes jokingly as we had a pregnancy 'scare' lately) so I do not want to throw this all away. And anyways, it could have been just a kiss for all I know? But on the other hand, maybe not - considering how I got with her in the first place!

I take it she cheated on someone to get with you? If so, why would you even think about taking her back? She is a cheater and a drama queen. Unless you thrive on drama yourself, run for the hills.

Ursus Horribilis

Sorry but what I'm reading here are the thoughts (ramblings?) of a lonely, somewhat desperate man who has just split from his girlfriend and doesn't know what to do with himself. Worse still, I'm seeing a man who's so eager to get her back that he's not seeing what the rest of can see.

You said in your first paragraph that there were problems with intimacy. Reading between the lines here, I get the impression that you may have stifled your girlfriend with your neediness. You said you "wanted all the attention" and wanted to make the most of your time together. That sounds needy to me I have to say .On the other hand, maybe she wasn't as much into you? In light of the cheating and her behaviour since the split, I wonder is it more to do with this? You also say you know she had cheated before. Was this when you were still together? I'm assuming so because you don't cheat when you're broken up, do you?

The bizarre thing about this post is that you're entertaining the idea that she wants to get back with you. Quite honestly, I am seeing no signs whatsoever that she wants to. In fact I get the impression that she's revelling in rubbing your nose in it. She chose to kiss that lad right in front of you to mock you and to make a statement. The same with these snapchats which seem to be either a little enigmatic or telling you she's seeing other blokes. She's enjoying getting under your skin. You've got to ask yourself why you'd want to get back with someone who behaves like this.

I laughed out loud when you got to the bit where you say she had all the qualities you wanted, apart from the cheating. That sounds like a punchline in someone's comedy routine. You're trying to minimise her cheating ("only a kiss") because you so badly want her back. Yet you also say that her behaviour will always be a cloud over you .

What have you been doing since you split up? It's inevitable that you're going to be lonely and struggle to get used to being single again. That's no reason for you to lower your standards and come grovelling back to a woman who has cheated on you and is now winding you up from a distance. For the time being you really should be trying to fill your down time with friends/family/hobbies/work/exercise/whatever rather than reminiscing about what you used to do. That is getting you nowhere. You also should be cutting contact with her. Phone calls and snapchats won't do you any good at all when you're trying to get over her. If she's on Whatsapp do you check to see when she was last online? Worse still, Facebook is going to melt your head when you start seeing photos of her and other blokes. I know you do not want to do any of this but trust me, you will come to understand in the end.

You're bargaining with yourself here, going on about how it might only have been a kiss. Then you enigmatically mention that it might not be considering how you got together with her. What that means I've no idea but I assume it involved her cheating on her previous boyfriend.

Don't be filling your head with nonsense such as that post about "The One" and notions about fighting for your love. There's nothing to fight for. As you'll have seen, most people have correctly pointed out that it is a load of bunkum. There are many "Ones" out there for us. There will hopefully be another "One" for you out there too. Preferably not one who cheats on you and has a cruel streak in her nature. Anyway, what on earth are you doing thinking about meeting other girls yet? You're in no fit state to even think about such things, let alone go on dates. First of all though, you need to cut contact with your ex and leave her in the past where she belongs. She sounds like the sort who'll get a kick out of stringing you along and treating you cruelly. You need to be looking after yourself and your own mental health here, not mooning after this woman.

pgj2015

ConflictingFeelings wrote: »

<mod snip - no need to quote full OP posts - makes forum unusable for mobile users. Please instead just quote specific sections if required>.

Thank your lucky stars it was a false pregnancy scare mate, you will look back on this in a year and realize how much of a lucky escape you have had. The one doesn't exist and if she does, this cheater isn't her. stay single for at least the next year, as others have said throw yourself into hobbies, work etc and in a couple of years you will likely be with a much nicer woman and your ex will be cheating on her next victim.

bp

Oh please walk away. Delete or block her number, delete snapchat and leave Facebook....nothing good will come of this.

She clearly isn't into you (sorry)

Penny Tration

She doesn't want you, her behaviour has told you that. So why would you embarrass yourself by begging?

She kissed someone in front of you and didn't care. She tells you she's on dates, she's acting like a complete cow. She's messing with your head with 'accidental' phone calls and all. She's acting like a stupid sixteen year old.

You might feel awful now but that will pass. If you get back together, you'll be back here in six months after she's slept with a load of people behind your back. So take the pain now and in a year you'll realise you had a lucky escape.

Shrap

Jaysus, it never fails to amaze me how low some people will go to add insult to injury. All those calls, texts and snapchats winding you up to watch you dance and squirm? Seriously not classy. Scummy, even.

Make sure you make good your escape and stay gone OP. Loneliness is one thing, but you can deal with that - it feels tough, but it's better than the alternative here which is total loss of self-respect. Keep your dignity and ignore that utter wagon. You don't even have to tell her why, just never speak to her again mate.

Big edit: Having reread the OP, I've gone a bit overboard here as I can now see there was only one call that could well have been accidental and the possibility that his "girlfriend" may have not been his girlfriend at the time of the kiss and the snapchats is looking much higher. In fact, it's looking more possible that they definitely had broken up and perhaps his ex was having to demonstrate in no uncertain terms that they weren't getting back together. At all. So, scratch all my nastiness directed towards a girl who's ex (OP) may have just not been willing to get the message. Sorry to that girl, whoever she is.

bp

Ps any "surprise" pregnancy mightn't/ probably wouldn't be yours....if she is acting single and kissing men in front of you chances are she is enjoying sleeping with various partners too

Stranger Danger

If you act like a doormat you'll get walked on.

At the moment she's just enjoying yanking your chain.

You need to cut all contact with her and block her number ASAP.

mapaca

Sorry OP, she doesn't love you and has treated you terribly. Time to shake her off and move on. Be kind to yourself.

PinkLemonade

OP, has she cheated on you or with someone before you got together? Were you broken up when she was kissing that person in the bar?

I don't know if it's fair to say she's being spiteful, but she's certainly acting single again and nothing you've posted suggests that she'd get back together with you or that it would be a good idea. Time to let go and accept that she's moving on and so should you be. Like others have said, remove her from Facebook/Snapchat and avoid any contact with her, watching her move on is not going to help you move on

LegacyUser

OP the title of this thread implies she's asked for you to take her back but the reality she's gone. She's only keeping in thouch through a combination of your neediness to stay in thouch and ego rub it gives her putting you down by showing how she's moved on.

You need to take a massive step back from her and dating in general until you get your head sorted.

VisibleGorilla

You'd be some idiot if you were to take her back.

Remove her from your life and find a new girl.

MissFlitworth

Run away, run very far away from this. You're on a downer & missing her because you've only just broken up, this bit passes. Being with someone who cheats on you in front of you means the misery lasts forever.

KeshFM93

I honestly believe you know the answer to this already , have some respect for yourself , change your number and block her from any of your social media , she made you miserable once and she'll do it again because she knows she can get away with it. I would be so angry in your shoes and If I was you I would be glad to erase her from my life, no break up is easy but you have to move on. Unless you want to be back to square one at a later date.

Rekop dog

Don't let these minor blips hold you two from being together. She wouldn't be keeping on contact with you if she didn't care. Yeah take her back and good luck.

Saipanne

ConflictingFeelings wrote: »

<mod snip - no need to quote full OP>.

Wow. Sorry mate, but I wouldn't go near a woman who behaved this way. I wouldn't even need to think about it.

In the end, you'll see sense and find someone caring and nice.

She'll probably end up alone once her looks fade.

All will be well with the world.

LegacyUser

Rekop dog wrote: »

Don't let these minor blips hold you two from being together. She wouldn't be keeping on contact with you if she didn't care. Yeah take her back and good luck.

Except she hasn't looked for the OP to take her back, this is the OPs tinted view of things. She's not keeping in contact cus she cares she's keeping in contact because it gives her ego a boost to have someone desperate for her and to show him she's having a great life without him.

She doesn't sound like a very nice person but the OP also sounds like they have a lot of insecruity issues that they should look at before they consider dating anyone again.

ManOfMystery

I think the advice in this thread has been pretty much spot on. I would only add this OP, it's short and succinct but if you apply it to yourself all through your life, it will serve you well :

Don't be a doormat. Ever.

Panthro

Cut all contact and move on.
The 'you' of 5 years from now will thank the 'you' of today!

Idle Passerby

You cant "take someone back" that has no intention or interest in being with you, OP. Your making a total mug of yourself even entertaining this girl.

Fitz*

Yeah, the OP was me.

So I ended up meeting her the other evening, just to see if I could get some answers at least and plus I had to see her on my own at some stage rather than drunkenly on a night out in front of people where anything could happen.

Everyone was right! She totally changed from the person I knew to this new person. Started saying all kinds of bad stuff to me, totally uncalled for. Never have I heard such hurtful comments before tbh. I can't see why she would say it as she was in the wrong, but I reckon she was just trying to justify her actions and make herself feel better. Said she didn't care about cheating etc and that she never really loved me (even though she always told me she did) among other things.

Is this normal behavior? I understand that people say things after a break-up, but surely it would have been me that should have being saying such bad things, not her.

Not going to lie, the waking up alone thing & having no-one to text/hang out with after work in the evenings is pretty lonely, but the other day I came to the realization that sitting around feeling sorry for myself is not going to change anything so just have to get up & go! make something new happen! Remember the good times & move on.

Saipanne

FitzShane wrote: »

Yeah, the OP was me.

So I ended up meeting her the other evening, just to see if I could get some answers at least and plus I had to see her on my own at some stage rather than drunkenly on a night out in front of people where anything could happen.

Everyone was right! She totally changed from the person I knew to this new person. Started saying all kinds of bad stuff to me, totally uncalled for. Never have I heard such hurtful comments before tbh. I can't see why she would say it as she was in the wrong, but I reckon she was just trying to justify her actions and make herself feel better. Said she didn't care about cheating etc and that she never really loved me (even though she always told me she did) among other things.

Is this normal behavior? I understand that people say things after a break-up, but surely it would have been me that should have being saying such bad things, not her.

Not going to lie, the waking up alone thing & having no-one to text/hang out with after work in the evenings is pretty lonely, but the other day I came to the realization that sitting around feeling sorry for myself is not going to change anything so just have to get up & go! make something new happen! Remember the good times & move on.

Wow, she is one horrible human being. Congratulations on getting rid of her. Go for kindness as a trait, from now on. You'll never go wrong with that.