Sex in relationships

Montpelier

Hi all, new here and would really like some input comments from male posters especially in relation to the above. Firstly, what does (full) sex in a (exclusive 4/5 month-both partners early twenties) relationship mean to you? How soon do you expect it?

If things aren't happening, do you take it personally? What thoughts go through your head?
Rejected? She believes you're not 'the one' etc? Elaborate as necessary. Is it a dealbreaker in a relationship which otherwise you could view as longterm with this partner? I should stress girl not necessarily not waiting for marriage/religious reasons just until ready where sexual relations have already reached heavy petting level from an early stage.

Looking forward to your responses.

LegacyUser

Montpelier wrote: »

Hi all, new here and would really like some input comments from male posters especially in relation to the above. Firstly, what does (full) sex in a (exclusive 4/5 month-both partners early twenties) relationship mean to you? How soon do you expect it?

If things aren't happening, do you take it personally? What thoughts go through your head?
Rejected? She believes you're not 'the one' etc? Elaborate as necessary. Is it a dealbreaker in a relationship which otherwise you could view as longterm with this partner? I should stress girl not necessarily not waiting for marriage/religious reasons just until ready where sexual relations have already reached heavy petting level from an early stage.

Looking forward to your responses.

Not male but my two cents is that if heavy petting is on the cards, sex really should be after 4/5 months.

Have the two of you ever discussed sex? Has she actually rebuffed your advances or do you just get the sense that she's not interested?

LegacyUser

I know you wanted a male perpective but I'm just going to give it from an all round one,neither male or female.
I totally believe you should wait until you feel you are ready and never feel pressured however, sex is a big part of a relationship. To build a more personal connection with someone is important but so is being fully intimate. You may find you are not compatible when you finally do have sex.
If you like the guy in question and feel like it could be long term I would go for it,so to speak. It will open up a while new aspect of your relationship.

LegacyUser

It means everything, I wouldn't be in this so called relationship without it.

If after 4/5 months the relationship was not a sexual one.. well for me it wouldn't last that long at all. It would 100% be a deal breaker, a complete waste of time. Sexual compatibility is a pretty big factor.

Is this a personal issue for you op?

Penny Tration

I think that it's entirely normal to want to wait until you're comfortable to have sex and up until six months, it wouldn't be an issue really for me.

It's obviously an issue for you though and that's understandable after five months really.

You say it's not religious reasons making her wait. Do you know what her reasons are? If she wants to feel 'ready,' has she explained what she means by that? Or what you can do to help?

I think you should talk to her. Leave out the parts about feeling rejected because that'll just make her feel guilty and pressured. Just explain that you care about her and want her to be happy and you're wondering what you can do to help make her more comfortable.

If she doesn't respond well, I'd explain you want a full, loving relationship and want to know if she'll ever be ready or is there something holding her back.

Stranger Danger

Anything more than a month and I'd be seriously concerned that the girl had some sort of sexual hang-up.

Confucius say

Stranger Danger wrote: »

Anything more than a month and I'd be seriously concerned that the girl had some sort of sexual hang-up.

Agreed. After 3 or 4 dates if we're not at least talking about it id be very wary and would either ask out straight what the story is or its adios from me.

OneOfThem

I'd also be in the camp of there being no possibility of finding myself in a 4/5 month sexless exclusive relationship. After three/four weeks of dating (so before agreeing to be in an exclusive relationship) if there was no sex, I'd be having a conversation to find out why exactly that was. If it was a case of "just not ready" then I may or may not continue to date, depending on the person, and their reasons for "not feeling ready", but I more than likely wouldnt enter into an exclusive relationship with someone that wasn't ready for sex with me for whatever reason.