Learning to drive

Monkeysgomad

I have been driving about 3 months and it's becoming a nightmare. Don't get e wrong the driving part is fine I'm getting my lessons and am progressing extremely well according to my instructor. Outside of the lessons I have insurance on my aunts car. This is where the problems begin.
She is always very nervous while I'm driving. I get that it can be nerve racking but I am genuinely a good, safe driver. However she does be flinching her legs and grabbing hold of the handle and in general putting me off a lot.
Also her and her husband say that I drive extremely to fast. I do not. As a learner I would not go over the limit at all. I never have and always watch my speed. I am very conscious of it as I need to pass my test before the summer, therefore trying to do things right. Eg. The other day on a dual carriageway the speed limit is 120 and I was doing 80 and she absolutely killed me.
While driving a car I find it incredibly distracting her ways and how nervous she is. I have brought this up to her and all she says is I 'have a death wish' at the speeds I go, always breaking the limits. Her behaviour is causing me a great deal of stress while driving and having someone so nervous in the passenger seat.

She also thinks that say I'm cought speeding, she thinks it's her who gets the points. Although I have told her I have my own learners permit she still thinks it's her. I just don't know how to explain anything to her because she only sees it her way, and gets really angry if you disagree.

I will just add I have drove with my father and brother and both have said I am a very good driver and have agreed her behaviour is off putting.
What should I do??

Monkeysgomad

She is a nervous wreak really!

Del2005

Stop driving with your Aunt and Uncle as they aren't helping you. Can you do more driving with your Father or Brother?

Monkeysgomad

Del2005 wrote: »

Stop driving with your Aunt and Uncle as they aren't helping you. Can you do more driving with your Father or Brother?

I cannot do this. My insurance only allows me to drive with the holder of the policy (aunt) and any named driver (uncle).
My father and brother were in the car with her before, me driving, and saw no problem with my driving.

Monkeysgomad

I was driving with my mother but she has since changed her insurance company and they don't insure anyone under 25.

CarrickMcJoe

Dual carriage way with a 120 kph is a motorway, don't think you should be there.

lollsangel

Hun, you need to change your insurance then.she will actually end up making you a nervous wreck behind the wheel. No offense to your aunt but some people aren't able and shouldn't mentor someone learning to drive.

LeakingLava

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

Dual carriage way with a 120 kph is a motorway, don't think you should be there.

I believe there's a bit of N11 that has a limit of 120. Could be wrong but I remember always noticing it when I go down that road because it is unusual. Not referring to the M11 bit.

Monkeysgomad

LeakingLava wrote: »

I believe there's a bit of N11 that has a limit of 120. Could be wrong but I remember always noticing it when I go down that road because it is unusual. Not referring to the M11 bit.

There is dual carriage ways with 120 limits. And yes I have to be on them to get from one place to another

Monkeysgomad

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

Dual carriage way with a 120 kph is a motorway, don't think you should be there.

No it's not. The dual carriage way from midelton to cork city has a stretch where is is 120kph

mattaiuseire

Definitely stop driving with your Aunt - but bless her!

If you can't drive with anyone else, don't worry about it. Take 1 lesson a week with your usual instructor and only take your test when he's confident enough you will pass.

When I was 17 I passed my theory and practical both first time but my Mother nor Father would dare to even let me sit behind the wheel of their car... So don't worry about it. If you are capable, you will be fine.

Monkeysgomad

mattaiuseire wrote: »

Definitely stop driving with your Aunt - but bless her!

If you can't drive with anyone else, don't worry about it. Take 1 lesson a week with your usual instructor and only take your test when he's confident enough you will pass.

When I was 17 I passed my theory and practical both first time but my Mother nor Father would dare to even let me sit behind the wheel of their car... So don't worry about it. If you are capable, you will be fine.

I do the lessons in my own car not the instructors as I couldn't drive it (it was crap) so I need her car in other words! It's just trying to get her to understand she needs to calm down is what I need

mattaiuseire

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

I do the lessons in my own car not the instructors as I couldn't drive it (it was crap) so I need her car in other words! It's just trying to get her to understand she needs to calm down is what I need

Drop a couple of Valium in a cup of tea before you go out for your next lesson... or give it time. Surely eventually she will trust you.

Del2005

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

I do the lessons in my own car not the instructors as I couldn't drive it (it was crap) so I need her car in other words! It's just trying to get her to understand she needs to calm down is what I need

They aren't going to calm down though and are only going to keep making comments. If the instructors car is crap get a different instructor, you're paying enough for the lessons so at least have a decent car. There's enough stress when driving without having to worry about nervous passengers and worst for you they are supposed to be teaching you to drive not ruining the experience.

Monkeysgomad

Del2005 wrote: »

They aren't going to calm down though and are only going to keep making comments. If the instructors car is crap get a different instructor, you're paying enough for the lessons so at least have a decent car. There's enough stress when driving without having to worry about nervous passengers and worst for you they are supposed to be teaching you to drive not ruining the experience.

Is there no way I can get her to understand she needs to calm down. Like everything I do she passes a comment on. When I'm with my instructor he actually said I'm on of the best drivers he had. He tells me what to do and I do it, then when I go home to practice it she says its wrong. I was thinking of asking the instructor to have a word but she will get angry I know that.

Del2005

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

Is there no way I can get her to understand she needs to calm down. Like everything I do she passes a comment on. When I'm with my instructor he actually said I'm on of the best drivers he had. He tells me what to do and I do it, then when I go home to practice it she says its wrong. I was thinking of asking the instructor to have a word but she will get angry I know that.

I really doubt it. If she won't let you get close to the limit she's too nervous to be supervising and is only dragging you back. Change instructor to one with a decent car and just do lessons with them, it might take longer and be a bit more expensive but your Aunt and Uncle are not helping you improve.

Monkeysgomad

Del2005 wrote: »

I really doubt it. If she won't let you get close to the limit she's too nervous to be supervising and is only dragging you back. Change instructor to one with a decent car and just do lessons with them, it might take longer and be a bit more expensive but your Aunt and Uncle are not helping you improve.

She thinks there is no need to drove near the limit for me. Trying to explain all these things to her is my problem. Just like if she thinks I'm caught doing anything I shouldn't the Gaurds put it on her license.

LeakingLava

Monkeysgomad wrote:

She thinks there is no need to drove near the limit for me. Trying to explain all these things to her is my problem. Just like if she thinks I'm caught doing anything I shouldn't the Gaurds put it on her license.

Well regarding the speed limit thing, tell her that if the examiner brings you to a road with a certain speed limit, you have to reach the speed limit otherwise it could be a mark on their sheet as failure to progress or something like that. I just remembered that from the instructor that I had.

About the points/fine/records, maybe google a speeding fine/points form and show her the section where you could put alternative driver license details?

Monkeysgomad

LeakingLava wrote: »

Well regarding the speed limit thing, tell her that if the examiner brings you to a road with a certain speed limit, you have to reach the speed limit otherwise it could be a mark on their sheet as failure to progress or something like that. I just remembered that from the instructor that I had.

About the points/fine/records, maybe google a speeding fine/points form and show her the section where you could put alternative driver license details?

Yeah my instructor told me that also that's what I'm saying it about the speed. I don't mean travelling 120 or anything but if the speed limit is 60 I can't drive 30 like.

JamboMac

Had similar problems when learning with my dad, probably not as bad as your aunt, even after I passed he seemed to still try and control my driving, just try and ignore her, she is their not to teach but just to facilitate your driving.

Somebody who is that nervous probably shouldn't have a licence themselves.

Monkeysgomad

JamboMac wrote: »

Had similar problems when learning with my dad, probably not as bad as your aunt, even after I passed he seemed to still try and control my driving, just try and ignore her, she is their not to teach but just to facilitate your driving.

Somebody who is that nervous probably shouldn't have a licence themselves.

Hey, thanks - she thinks she is there to teach and said that's why I have to listen to her. She just wants everything her way. On Friday I have a driving lesson and in my own car, and she wants to sit in on the 1hour long lesson - I told her that can't happen.

lollsangel

With all due respect monkeysgomad this is your second problwm on the thread withyour aunt issue. She's not the right person to have in the car with you. She's too nervous. And no end of argument or whinging on your side is going to change the situation. Your best bet is to look into a car of your own and your own insurance (such as the aviva or axa safe start programmed).

Monkeysgomad

lollsangel wrote: »

With all due respect monkeysgomad this is your second problwm on the thread withyour aunt issue. She's not the right person to have in the car with you. She's too nervous. And no end of argument or whinging on your side is going to change the situation. Your best bet is to look into a car of your own and your own insurance (such as the aviva or axa safe start programmed).

I am planning on going abroad once finished the leaving cert which is why I can't buy a car of my own. It will only be a hassle I just want to pass my test and have it out of the way!

challengemaster

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

I do the lessons in my own car not the instructors as I couldn't drive it (it was crap) so I need her car in other words! It's just trying to get her to understand she needs to calm down is what I need

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

His car is completely different to the one I'm learning in eg. Mine is 1.6 diesel his 1l petrol, mine has an automatic handbrake, his doesn't - there is no point going through all the hassle of learning the handbrake when in the test in my car I won't use it.

There's cars that are good to learn in from the point of view of the learner, and cars that are good from the point of view of the instructor - that's what you're experiencing here.

His "crap" 1L petrol with an actual handbrake is good for teaching because it ensures the learner actually knows what they're doing. If you don't have proper clutch control, it'll cut out. Same for hill starts. It forces people to learn techniques that are applicable to every vehicle.

The car you've been learning in, a 1.6d with an automatic handbrake is a fantastic crutch, but its not so good for actually learning in. You won't cut a diesel engine unless you're standing on the brake with the clutch out, and you're completely avoiding the difficult aspects of a hill start.

If you can't drive in the instructors car - then the real issues are with your clutch usage. The car is not "crap", as plenty other people have learned to drive in it. And while you might not need these for your test, you can bet you'll need them someday. You can either figure this out now and address the problem, or you can ignore it and see what happens when you move away and end up driving a car without these crutches.

Monkeysgomad

challengemaster wrote: »

There's cars that are good to learn in from the point of view of the learner, and cars that are good from the point of view of the instructor - that's what you're experiencing here.

His "crap" 1L petrol with an actual handbrake is good for teaching because it ensures the learner actually knows what they're doing. If you don't have proper clutch control, it'll cut out. Same for hill starts. It forces people to learn techniques that are applicable to every vehicle.

The car you've been learning in, a 1.6d with an automatic handbrake is a fantastic crutch, but its not so good for actually learning in. You won't cut a diesel engine unless you're standing on the brake with the clutch out, and you're completely avoiding the difficult aspects of a hill start.

If you can't drive in the instructors car - then the real issues are with your clutch usage. The car is not "crap", as plenty other people have learned to drive in it. And while you might not need these for your test, you can bet you'll need them someday. You can either figure this out now and address the problem, or you can ignore it and see what happens when you move away and end up driving a car without these crutches.

Well the instructor said that they always move to a students car and especially when mine is so different. He is not going to teach me something completely different to what I need for my test. He has gone through it the last time and we did a few hill starts with the manual handbrake and they were fine. As he said at the end of the day I will use my own car, therefore I'll be tought my own cars way.

Even when I'm going to buy a car or be insured on one of my parents car when I come back, they are all automatic handbrake. I would also buy an automatic one as I like them. In my car m at lights or in traffic you take your leg off clutch and it goes off, which again his doesn't. This again is another reason he said we should be driving my own car as I should familiarise myself with the correct way of doing this.

At the moment I'm doing this to pass a test. While I'm not factoring long term, for me it is the type of car I will want myself and it will be the car I sit the test in.

thesimpsons

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

At the moment I'm doing this to pass a test. While I'm not factoring long term, for me it is the type of car I will want myself and it will be the car I sit the test in.

all well and good but maybe not the type and price of car you will be able to afford. learning to drive with an auto handbrake to me is as bad as learning to drive in a full automatic car. Granted that into the future all cars might have automatic handbrakes but I think mastering the use of a handbrake is a skill that should be essential imo.

Monkeysgomad

thesimpsons wrote: »

all well and good but maybe not the type and price of car you will be able to afford. learning to drive with an auto handbrake to me is as bad as learning to drive in a full automatic car. Granted that into the future all cars might have automatic handbrakes but I think mastering the use of a handbrake is a skill that should be essential imo.

I will be able to afford it, that's the difference. I will have a choice in the car I want and I will get one like that. Hence why I don't see a problem in learning in one.