Seeing your new name.....

maryfred

...did it feel strange the first time you saw your married name? I didn't change mine immediately, not for any particular reason. But I have to admit to getting a shock the first time I saw it written down, not quite regret, but when you've had a name for a long time it did feel odd. And my maiden name isn't very common but my married name is more widespread. Also I'd never practiced writing my married name, so the first time I signed it quite recently, I didn't know how to sign my signature, if that makes sense.

P.S. No question of double barrelling, it would have looked ridiculous.

solerina

I didn't change and have no intention of doing so.....really do t understand why you would just give up your name, so yes I imagine seeing a different name would look very strange indeed !!!

maryfred

solerina wrote: »

I didn't change and have no intention of doing so.....really do t understand why you would just give up your name, so yes I imagine seeing a different name would look very strange indeed !!!

I know some people don't change their name. I haven't changed it for everything. Just for some things. I don't need anyone to understand why I did it. I don't need to understand why anyone else doesn't. It's a personal choice. Anyway I'm going off topic, I just wanted to say that that wasn't the question, but the fact you said you didn't understand implies to me that clarification was required.

eviltwin

I didn't change mine. My mother in law has the same first name as me so when I see her name I sometimes remind myself that's who I'd be if I had changed and it just looks weird and alien. I guess over time it will become more comfortable for you. It's natural if you have had one name all your life it's going to take time to get used to a new one.

Sunny Dayz

You get used to it but it can take time. My husband's brother is married to a woman with the same first name as me and they got married a few years before us. So there are two of us with the same name although we live in different parts of the country. When I used to see my married name the first few times I would think it was her and it threw me out a bit!


It's a pain in the ass changing your married name though. I had awful hassle with my own bank as they couldn't seem to understand that my first name was a double barrel name. Took them months to get it right. I rang my doctors twice to change it there and I don't think they have done it still! I still use my maiden name in work as it's linked to my qualifications and I would have to pay to get my certs reissued in my married name. I also use it in my son's school as he has my maiden name as his surname (he's from my previous relationship).


Part of me didn't want to change my surname. I didn't like it growing up, it's unusual and commonly mis-spelt and/or mispronounced. But at the same time, AFAIK, I was the only person with that name (first & last name), there was only one of me! Now there's two of us in the same family!!

maryfred

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

You get used to it but it can take time. My husband's brother is married to a woman with the same first name as me and they got married a few years before us. So there are two of us with the same name although we live in different parts of the country. When I used to see my married name the first few times I would think it was her and it threw me out a bit!


It's a pain in the ass changing your married name though. I had awful hassle with my own bank as they couldn't seem to understand that my first name was a double barrel name. Took them months to get it right. I rang my doctors twice to change it there and I don't think they have done it still! I still use my maiden name in work as it's linked to my qualifications and I would have to pay to get my certs reissued in my married name. I also use it in my son's school as he has my maiden name as his surname (he's from my previous relationship).


Part of me didn't want to change my surname. I didn't like it growing up, it's unusual and commonly mis-spelt and/or mispronounced. But at the same time, AFAIK, I was the only person with that name (first & last name), there was only one of me! Now there's two of us in the same family!!

I haven't changed anything financial. I did change it for work and I will change it on my passport when it expires shortly. I actually had the same full name as my mother which was something I wasn't sorry about changing. Doctors and pharmacists were a nightmare. Lost prescriptions, being wiped completely of the system. I still have to pause before I sign anything, muscle memory doesn't go away that easily.

Sunny Dayz

Yeah, I think when you use both your maiden and married surname for different things it can get confusing. Like when you ring somewhere, and you have to think which surname you are using, I get worried people will think I'm lying!!


It's been handy though. When my sister was looking for work and references, she actually did some work experience with me to cover holiday leave in the office. But she has me down with my work number on my married name so when someone rings my work phone looking for married me, I'm alerted straight away. Also no one ringing me for a reference has ever twigged that's she's my sister!

Milly33

So far I have only changed my name on the facebook page, but I do plan to do it.. But im so going double barrel as it is just funny really.. Sounds like a real JR Ewing name...well kinda of plus I think it is nice to take your husbands name so it is, it is kinda of like another commitment or something..

I have not written it down anywhere I must practice that. I think though we might keep bank accs etc in our own names and then maybe when it comes to new passports or for new drives license I will change my name.. Actually looking forward to it..

nikkibikki

Bear in mind though that when your passport and driving licence are changed, you'll have difficulty with the bank etc as you wont have photo ID to match your name on account.

I said I'd only change a few things but it just got so confusing wondering what was changed and what wasn't so i just changed everything. It's no big deal. You'll just need a copy of your marriage cert usually and it's done. Think driving licence was free to change.

secman

Name changing has gone on for centuries before us.... we are but a brief line along a long lineage .... to put in perspective

nikkibikki

nikkibikki wrote: »

Bear in mind though that when your passport and driving licence are changed, you'll have difficulty with the bank etc as you wont have photo ID to match your name

You can have your birth name included on your passport

Milly33

Yes thanks nikkibikki!! Nice name.... Was thinking as such...Mm must look into that, as like we still have separate accounts etc... I suppose I would just need to go and advise them, or I know my sister has her own name on her bank account but uses her married name too.. Wonder how that works...

Faith

I changed my name on Facebook and it looks really jarring every time I see it, even 10 weeks later. I have no plans to change my name professionally, but as documents come up for renewal, I probably will change there. I was never keen to change my name, so the personal/professional dichotomy was a compromise of sorts.

I still refer to myself by my maiden name 95% of the time, too!

rainbow kirby

I've changed mine on FB and on a few other things, was long-fingering doing it at work because all the IT changes end up being a pain in the arse and will change it on my passport in the new year when my old one expires anyway. I'll change it on my bank account when I get my new passport. I'm also putting off changing it at the GPs until the spring because my maternity records are in my maiden name.

pwurple

Only changed it on my passport for ease of travelling with the kids.

Didn't bother with the rest of it. Either is fine, I am taking path of least Resistance.

amor3

Finding it sooo hard to change mine.. I've double barrellled it on fb and that is still to weird to see..

ShaShaBear

We're getting married next year and I'll be changing mine. My daughter has my partner's name and the one due next month will have it too. It doesn't bother me changing my name. We're a new family unit and I like things to be uniform. Tbh if I wanted, I'm pretty sure my partner would have no issue taking my surname. Double-barrel is out of the question as both our surnames are 8 letters long, so it would be an incredible mouthful.
Our bank just said show up with the marriage cert and they'll alter my surname, same with the doctor. They all know me in my doctor's very well so they said there will be no issue with the medical card being in a previous name until a new one is issued. Local pharmacy all know me very well too and have changed details on the spot for me before. The only nuisance I'm actually going to have is that I only just had my passport renewed for the purpose of getting married, so it obviously has my maiden name on it, and I'm not down with paying €90 odd to get a new one issued with my married surname on it just yet!

hollymartins

I changed my name when I married a few years ago, out of my group of friends I say it's a 50/50 split between those who change their name and those who don't. I didn't feel strongly about it either way and my husband didn't mind but I know it did mean a lot to him that I decided to do it myself.

I changed it straight away in work and there were a couple of times I would have re-print letters as I signed them in my maiden name My passport expired a few months after the wedding so I once I renewed that with my married name I bit the bullet and changed my bank accounts etc.

amdublin

A woman in work gave me advice: Either change EVERYTHING or change NOTHING. It's a pain when you are one name in half of things and another name for others.

At the time I thought great advice. Do you think I followed it? Nah - half and half and bloody confusing.

My other experience:
My maiden name is long and unwieldy and needed spelling and constant repeating to people. I hated it and couldn't wait to get rid of it and change by name when I got married,

The second I changed it I missed it and regretted it. I am now using three different names:
My new married name in work - changed my email when I came home from honeymoon
My maiden name on passport. Also on fb.
A crazy loony double-barrel name which irks my husband (in a funny way makes for a funny story over a drink kind of way)

Seriously, if I could go back I would never change my name - for reason above (missing my name), plus with hindsight I think it is oldfashioned and silly and no idea why us wimmins do it - my friend's husband was like "are you changing your name?", she was like "no, are changing yours?", and that was the end of that conversation :pac:

Moral of the story: Think long and hard about changing!!!! And my advice would be Don't!

Mrs OBumble

secman wrote: »

Name changing has gone on for centuries before us....

In some cultures. But not others.

January

I changed my name, half the time when talking to people now though and I get 'what's your name' I go January X.... NO! WAIT! January Y!. 10 months married next week.

toadfly

I'm married 2.5 years and still use both. Work and Facebook are maiden name and don't plan on changing them. Bank account & passport is married name. Driving licence is double barrel purely because I wanted an ID with maiden name on it as I still use it. I've been thinking lately I am going to change everything over to married name apart from work as its just too confusing. I never remember which name I've given for appointments etc, it's really annoying.

Easypeasey

I don't want to change my name, but feel pressure from OH family to do so. I just feel I've been known by X name for so long, that is me as a person, my reputation, all I've gained in education, experience etc I'd feel like an impostor in a new name!! OH would like if I did but no pressure on me and it is fine if I don't. any advice?!

stinkle

Easypeasey wrote: »

I don't want to change my name, but feel pressure from OH family to do so. I just feel I've been known by X name for so long, that is me as a person, my reputation, all I've gained in education, experience etc I'd feel like an impostor in a new name!! OH would like if I did but no pressure on me and it is fine if I don't. any advice?!

Dont do it if it's not for you. "I don't want to" is a perfectly good reason, you dont have to justify it to anyone. It's really no one else's business one way or the other, try not to let their opinions influence whatever you choose to do in the end.

I found "We both decided to keep our own names" is a handy phrase to use if probed further

fits

I found it strange when those newlyweds drowned last week. Her maiden name wasn't published ( I looked for it). Feels like her pre marriage identity was lost somehow and perhaps some people such as old friends wouldn't have realised who had died.

solerina

fits wrote: »

I found it strange when those newlyweds drowned last week. Her maiden name wasn't published ( I looked for it). Feels like her pre marriage identity was lost somehow and perhaps some people such as old friends wouldn't have realised who had died.

I saw her maiden name (in the Independent I think). They mentioned both families...think it was Reilly, I assumed they put it in so that people would be able to recognise her if they knew her from before her marriage. RIP both, tragic.

fits

When the story was published first, only the married name was published.

hollymartins

I guess it's not dissimilar to Michaela McAreavey - she would have been Michaela Harte before her marriage but in all the reporting they used her married name.

Two such tragic cases, they hadn't even been married a week when they died.

I didn't have any pressure from either family about changing my name, thankfully they kept their opinions to themselves and they're not the interfering type. Knowing me, if my in-laws had tried to pressurise me it would have the opposite effect and I would've have kept my maiden name