Guy my girlfriend was seeing texting her nasty stuff

Mr Robot

Hi all,

Would just like to get your opinions on my current situation.

Recently got back with my Ex Girlfriend (apart for about 8 months - we were together for 4 years).

In the past couple of months she's been kinda seeing this guy in work (she states it was purely kissing in the pub after work- even if there was more I'm not bothered as we were not together).

Anyways, she maintained to him from the outset that she wasn't interested in a relationship and what they had was just a bit of fun. A month ago she pulled the plug on it and she said he was ok about it.

Shortly afterwards the 2 of us decided to give it another go.

Long story short, now he's got wind of her being back with me, he's butt-hurt, texting her saying she said she didn't want a relationship but now she's back with me, and how she's not a very nice person, how she's cold hearted and that everyone in work is now talking about her.

Now I'm not sure what to do about it. Do I make contact with him and tell him to back the hell up or do I let it slide?

Obviously if they're going to be working together and he's doing and saying all this, it cant be allowed to continue?

Any advice appreciated

Penny Tration

No, don't contact him.

She should block his number.

If she has to allow him to contact her for work purposes, she should only respond to work related messages and should keep any nasty ones and bring them to the attention of her HR department.

pookie82

How do you know he's texting her this stuff? Has she shown you and asked for advice?

I definitely would not get involved. This will just fuel his annoyance. These types of people are best dealt with with an absolute wall of silence and in most cases, they'll become bored of trolling someone who's not giving them any response. Has she replied at all or tried to reason with him? If so, this will just fuel his efforts.

She should block him on all personal devices and just deal with him for work if she has to ... report to HR if he uses that medium to start sending her abusive messages as well.

As for the "everyone in work is now talking about her" ... most likely fabricated, and if not, there'll be some other gossip to take over next week. I highly doubt the entire office is interested in getting involved.

Mr Robot

pookie82 wrote: »

How do you know he's texting her this stuff? Has she shown you and asked for advice?

I definitely would not get involved. This will just fuel his annoyance. These types of people are best dealt with with an absolute wall of silence and in most cases, they'll become bored of trolling someone who's not giving them any response. Has she replied at all or tried to reason with him? If so, this will just fuel his efforts.

She should block him on all personal devices and just deal with him for work if she has to ... report to HR if he uses that medium to start sending her abusive messages as well.

As for the "everyone in work is now talking about her" ... most likely fabricated, and if not, there'll be some other gossip to take over next week. I highly doubt the entire office is interested in getting involved.

She told me herself that he was texting her this stuff. She didn't reply to the insults. He then became nice to her again, texting her telling her about his troubles with his ex wife, and that he was sorry for what he saidm and would she meet up with him for a chat. She text him back about some work related stuff and tried to keep it purely platonic.......

Which annoyed me greatly because after the insults, in my opinion she should have told him to go f*ck himself rather than keep it cordial for the sake of work.

Penny Tration

Mr Robot wrote: »

She told me herself that he was texting her this stuff. She didn't reply to the insults. He then became nice to her again, texting her telling her about his troubles with his ex wife, and that he was sorry for what he saidm and would she meet up with him for a chat. She text him back about some work related stuff and tried to keep it purely platonic.......

Which annoyed me greatly because after the insults, in my opinion she should have told him to go f*ck himself rather than keep it cordial for the sake of work.

No, she shouldn't have. If she does that, she can be painted as a bully in work with hr. She should ignore every single text unless it's necessary for work to answer (and I don't mean 'was it busy today, what time are you in, can you cover for me texts, they can be ignore), keep them all and if it continues, make a complaint to HR

Mr Robot

Penny Tration wrote: »

No, she shouldn't have. If she does that, she can be painted as a bully in work with hr. She should ignore every single text unless it's necessary for work to answer (and I don't mean 'was it busy today, what time are you in, can you cover for me texts, they can be ignore), keep them all and if it continues, make a complaint to HR

But surely after telling him she was back in a relationship with me, and then starts insulting her as well as asking her out for drinks when he knows damn well she's now with me - this now makes it my problem, not work related?

pookie82

Mr Robot wrote: »

She told me herself that he was texting her this stuff. She didn't reply to the insults. He then became nice to her again, texting her telling her about his troubles with his ex wife, and that he was sorry for what he saidm and would she meet up with him for a chat. She text him back about some work related stuff and tried to keep it purely platonic.......

Which annoyed me greatly because after the insults, in my opinion she should have told him to go f*ck himself rather than keep it cordial for the sake of work.

So he has apologised? Maybe he recognises himself that in the heat of the moment he overstepped the mark. Doesn't sound like you need to step in here at all, then. Let her handle it from here.

If he turns to insults again or keeps pushing to meet up, that's when HR need to get involved, but not you.

Penny Tration

Mr Robot wrote: »

But surely after telling him she was back in a relationship with me, and then starts insulting her as well as asking her out for drinks when he knows damn well she's now with me - this now makes it my problem, not work related?

If she's not responding to the insults then it's not your problem to deal with. The fact is, she got involved with a colleague. When things go sour with colleagues, it has to be handled very very carefully or she'll be risking her job.

pookie82

Mr Robot wrote: »

But surely after telling him she was back in a relationship with me, and then starts insulting her as well as asking her out for drinks when he knows damn well she's now with me - this now makes it my problem, not work related?

Not really. I get how frustrating it is that there's a dissed guy in the wings looking to make life awkward for you two - but that doesn't mean you need to get involved.

It's not your problem, it's hers. SHE needs to be the one to deal with him, whether it's to try to mend the friendship for the sake of work, report him to HR, tell him to leave her alone etc. etc. She's the one who engaged with him while you two were broken up, you have nothing to do with this.

It's totally her job and her business how she handles this lad.

Mr Robot

pookie82 wrote: »

So he has apologised? Maybe he recognises himself that in the heat of the moment he overstepped the mark. Doesn't sound like you need to step in here at all, then. Let her handle it from here.

If he turns to insults again or keeps pushing to meet up, that's when HR need to get involved, but not you.

The way he worded it he apologised but at the same time threw in a dig about her being cold and withholding

Mr Robot

pookie82 wrote: »

Not really. I get how frustrating it is that there's a dissed guy in the wings looking to make life awkward for you two - but that doesn't mean you need to get involved.

It's not your problem, it's hers. SHE needs to be the one to deal with him, whether it's to try to mend the friendship for the sake of work, report him to HR, tell him to leave her alone etc. etc. She's the one who engaged with him while you two were broken up, you have nothing to do with this.

It's totally her job and her business how she handles this lad.

You make some valid points and I will take them on board

Thanks

pookie82

No worries. I've been in a similar situation in the past and as much as it grieved me to hear it, it was my bf's job to deal with, not mine. But it took some solid advice off others to show me that!

Mr Robot

pookie82 wrote: »

No worries. I've been in a similar situation in the past and as much as it grieved me to hear it, it was my bf's job to deal with, not mine. But it took some solid advice off others to show me that!

What annoys me most is the brazen neck of yer man asking her out for drinks when he knows she's with me.

Stuff like that I find hard to not take personally, ya know. It's very hard for me to do nothing

CaraMay

Mr Robot wrote: »

What annoys me most is the brazen neck of yer man asking her out for drinks when he knows she's with me.

Stuff like that I find hard to not take personally, ya know. It's very hard for me to do nothing

You sound about 12 with your macho carry on. She's handling it so let her handle it. Do absolutely nothing after all this guy is her colleague.

pookie82

Mr Robot wrote: »

What annoys me most is the brazen neck of yer man asking her out for drinks when he knows she's with me.

Stuff like that I find hard to not take personally, ya know. It's very hard for me to do nothing

I would find it upsetting too, but look, there'll often be someone else who has no respect for the boundaries of your relationship if they want something. It's up to her to remain true to you, not him, if you get me? He owes you nothing, as much as that sucks.

dudara

@Money Ball - I have deleted your post as it was not up to standard. Advocating violence is not tolerated on Boards. Please take the time to read the forum charter before posting again.

dudara

dudara

Thread closed as OP is now banned.

dudara