2 year old driving us insane - whining

from_atozinc

Hi

We have a nearly 2 year old boy (22 months) and he is driving us absolutely insane.

EVERY single days he whines, especially around bedtime where he has the same routine every night - nappy change, bath, drying, clothes on and then bottle. He is fine when he gets the bottle but the bits leading up to that which are about half an hour it's just whine whine whine. I would not mind if it was 5 out of 7 nights or 6 out of 7 nights. But EVERY SINGLE night of the week for the last year he is at this - it's going to drive us to a mental institution. And it's not as if we are putting him through change, it's his bedtime routine so why in the Lord God is he whining all through it.

We have brought him to doctors and paediatricians to see is there something else wrong - like is he in pain or something, but they all say he is fine.

And he just doesn't whine at night timed using the day time routine , he does it during the day though.

He has not started talking yet, he knows what things are and responds to instructions etc but no proper words yet

His little sister also arrived 5 months ago - he is fine with that that and is very affectionate towards her.

Anybody else have a constantly whining child ?

Sligo1

from_atozinc wrote: »

Hi

We have a nearly 2 year old boy (22 months) and he is driving us absolutely insane.

EVERY single days he whines, especially around bedtime where he has the same routine every night - nappy change, bath, drying, clothes on and then bottle. He is fine when he gets the bottle but the bits leading up to that which are about half an hour it's just whine whine whine. I would not mind if it was 5 out of 7 nights or 6 out of 7 nights. But EVERY SINGLE night of the week for the last year he is at this - it's going to drive us to a mental institution. And it's not as if we are putting him through change, it's his bedtime routine so why in the Lord God is he whining all through it.

We have brought him to doctors and paediatricians to see is there something else wrong - like is he in pain or something, but they all say he is fine.

And he just doesn't whine at night timed using the day time routine , he does it during the day though.

He has not started talking yet, he knows what things are and responds to instructions etc but no proper words yet

His little sister also arrived 5 months ago - he is fine with that that and is very affectionate towards her.

Anybody else have a constantly whining child ?

Sounds pretty similar to our little guy. He'll be 3 at the end of Novemeber and I have to say the last 6 months have been a lot better. He was able to communicate with us from quite young... So I didn't really put it down to frustration as such. He's been talking loads from a young enough age. But maybe with your little guy it's because he can't voice his wants or needs? As soon as our guy got his bottle the whining always stopped at night tho and he was like a different child for that last 30 minutes! The last 6 months we've begun to let him watch 20-30 min of cartoons after dinner while he has his milk before bed. Mainly because myself and my husband are just so knackered (we've an 18month old aswell). And there's no whining or whinging. I know it's probably not the best solution. But it's heaven. He never got TV until he was 2 but now those few minutes really give us a bit of peace. Then it's up to his room with myself for 20 min of stories and into bed. Our evenings have been whine free for the last 6 months. But I also think it's coz he's getting that little bit older aswell...

dori_dormer

Perhaps he is just very tired in the evening and is trying to tell you by whining? We only bath our fella twice a week as when we add in the bath he's wrecked!
Maybe give the bottle earlier before the bath?
Our boy is 20 months and also no real words so I know how you are feeling with the whining! But I try and remember he's trying to communicate something ( our guy usually wants food!)

Roselm

dori_dormer wrote: »

Maybe give the bottle earlier before the bath?
Our boy is 20 months and also no real words so I know how you are feeling with the whining! But I try and remember he's trying to communicate something ( our guy usually wants food!)

Yeah maybe he's just hungry!

jester77

Does he sleep during the day, might be over tired? My little guy is 22 months old, whines plenty especially when he does not get his way. He gets frustrated very quickly when something is not going his way, and I don't exaggerate there, usually in under 5 seconds. But he can almost speak now with full sentences, so a lot of his frustrations are easily resolved when he explains what is up. Maybe not being able to tell what is up could be the issue and he then starts whining?

from_atozinc

Sligo1 wrote: »

Sounds pretty similar to our little guy. He'll be 3 at the end of Novemeber and I have to say the last 6 months have been a lot better. He was able to communicate with us from quite young... So I didn't really put it down to frustration as such. He's been talking loads from a young enough age. But maybe with your little guy it's because he can't voice his wants or needs? As soon as our guy got his bottle the whining always stopped at night tho and he was like a different child for that last 30 minutes! The last 6 months we've begun to let him watch 20-30 min of cartoons after dinner while he has his milk before bed. Mainly because myself and my husband are just so knackered (we've an 18month old aswell). And there's no whining or whinging. I know it's probably not the best solution. But it's heaven. He never got TV until he was 2 but now those few minutes really give us a bit of peace. Then it's up to his room with myself for 20 min of stories and into bed. Our evenings have been whine free for the last 6 months. But I also think it's coz he's getting that little bit older aswell...

Thanks for reply. It may well be frustration at the fact that he can't talk yet.

from_atozinc

dori_dormer wrote: »

Perhaps he is just very tired in the evening and is trying to tell you by whining? We only bath our fella twice a week as when we add in the bath he's wrecked!
Maybe give the bottle earlier before the bath?
Our boy is 20 months and also no real words so I know how you are feeling with the whining! But I try and remember he's trying to communicate something ( our guy usually wants food!)

But he whines during the day too. Oh we have changed things to baths only 3 times a week now too.

Mmm. The bottle before the bath etc could be an option too.

from_atozinc

jester77 wrote: »

Does he sleep during the day, might be over tired? My little guy is 22 months old, whines plenty especially when he does not get his way. He gets frustrated very quickly when something is not going his way, and I don't exaggerate there, usually in under 5 seconds. But he can almost speak now with full sentences, so a lot of his frustrations are easily resolved when he explains what is up. Maybe not being able to tell what is up could be the issue and he then starts whining?

He does indeed sleep during the day - sometimes for 3 hours. And sleeps all through the night ( for past 5 months after 18 months of not doing so )

Yeah, our lad just not speaking year at all really.

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I was going to create my own thread about this issue and saw this one instead. I feel like I'm slowly losing the will to live with my whining child. She is 26 months and all I feel like she does is moan, whine and groan about just about everything. She never seems happy anymore. I went back to work recently and she is in a different routine sleep wise. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle at the minute, she is zapping every bit of my energy and I don't have the energy to do the nice things with her which isn't helping either of us. Please someone tell me this is just a passing phase and all will be better in time. I would love to have more children but this is really wearing me out and all I can think about is how exhausted I am. Definitely the most tired I have been since I had her

Sligo1

Spread the love wrote: »

I was going to create my own thread about this issue and saw this one instead. I feel like I'm slowly losing the will to live with my whining child. She is 26 months and all I feel like she does is moan, whine and groan about just about everything. She never seems happy anymore. I went back to work recently and she is in a different routine sleep wise. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle at the minute, she is zapping every bit of my energy and I don't have the energy to do the nice things with her which isn't helping either of us. Please someone tell me this is just a passing phase and all will be better in time. I would love to have more children but this is really wearing me out and all I can think about is how exhausted I am. Definitely the most tired I have been since I had her

You poor thing! Well I can definitely say it is a passing phase with my guy anyway! I feel like since he hit 2.5years he seems a lot happier and slightly less demanding . He really has come into his own. I really do think they grow out of it.

And definitely don't let it put you off having another child! My guy will be 3 end of November and I also have an 18 month old girl. She is the most placid little thing (starting to become a little madam tho, lol) and never ever whines or whinges (unless sick or having an odd bad day). Every child is different so don't let that put you off .

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Sligo1 wrote: »

You poor thing! Well I can definitely say it is a passing phase with my guy anyway! I feel like since he hit 2.5years he seems a lot happier and slightly less demanding . He really has come into his own. I really do think they grow out of it.

And definitely don't let it put you off having another child! My guy will be 3 end of Novemeber and I also have an 18 month old girl. She is the most placid little thing (starting to become a little madam tho, lol) and never ever whines or whinges (unless sick or having an odd bad day). Every child is different so don't let that put you off .

Thank you for this! She is a great child and I love her to bits but she is being a wee monkey at the minute. I'm a single parent and I went back to work last month which is tiring too. I started going out with a lovely lovely guy recently and I don't want to feel drained all the time but trying to juggle everything and everyone is hard at the moment. I used to get one day to myself but I don't have the money to keep her in crèche for any other days outside of when I'm working. Aaaaa, it'll all work out but thank you for your kind words

Sligo1

Of course you do. My guy is the sweetest little monkey but I have to say the whining was driving me demented and went on for so so long. And it seemed like he was only like this with me!! I wonder if it was because he was bored with me 24/7! I went back to work 8 months ago and he's just started Montessori since September. So a few changes have happened and everyone seems happier. Not that we were unhappy of course... It's just better now... If u know what I mean .

And that's fab you've met a nice guy. I hope this new relationship brings you lots of happiness. FWIW, I don't know how single parents do it!. I found it really hard with my gorgeous little boy for the first while and that was with my husband being really involved in all his care. I don't think I could've done it on my own being completely honest. Really hope this phase passes quickly for you. starting work again is tough so your little girl probably just needs to become accustomed to the few changes going on. Best of luck

iarann

Hi,

All kids are different, and all kids change their routine just when you have settled into the old one.

If he is only whining before food, then it probably isn't an intolerance to the food (lucky you!!!!!).

As they grow there will be phases where they are more hungry (growth spurts etc) and just need more food. if they know a bath is coming then they know a bottle is a bit away. Consider feeding earlier and/or more for a while to see if that helps.

By 2 they have strong personalities and it must be frustrating for them that you don't understand them when they are annoyed about something (don't worry they grow out of that after about 24 years :rolleyes:). Keep it simple, it is usually that they are too hot, cold, hungry wet...

(Source, guessing our way through rearing 3 kids)

deisemum

Some children are whiners and some aren't. It becomes a habit with some including those with very good verbal skills. I'd sooner deal with a toddler in full meltdown than endure continuous whining.

Qualitymark

Is it possible you're (unconsciously) rewarding the little lad for whining, by giving attention, even if it's negative?
Have you tried a cheery cheery atmos, like something off Graham Norton? And maybe, extra little rewards for being a smiley boy - milk and a bikkie magically appearing when he's smiley?
And - this isn't a criticism at all - is it possible that you're not giving your little boy enough friendly attention and one-to-one play during the day?

bp

My two years old constantly uses a whiney voice "I want....." Especially when I am doing something....drives me insane! Then at least she can tell me what they want

pwurple

Have you tried moving bedtime forward by 15 mins?

I know mine get Miserable when they are sleepy or hungry, and at bedtime it's likely to be sleepy/overtired.

LegacyUser

Hi. My four year old son was very similar and to this day has his moments. I swear i thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown if he continued. My doctor eventually referred him to a chiild behavioural clinic over other issues and the consultant recommended i buy the book 1.2.3 MAgic. Well it changed my life. Its all about dealing with unwanted, negative behaviour and whining in particular. Google the reviews. Thousands of reviews about it.

How Strange

We moved bedtime for our 4.5 year old from 8-8.15 to 7.45 during the summer and there was a huge difference. Much less shouting, crying, moaning. He's got no time to moan from 7 as its bed time routine. He's asleep within minutes too.

Piper101

Our little girl (30 months) is constantly whining, asking (demanding) for things and generally being a little tyrant. It has us driven spare!! Asked her recently to stop whining and did she know what whining meant? Her reply? 'It's for drinking!!' :-/

deisemum

Piper101 wrote: »

Our little girl (30 months) is constantly whining, asking (demanding) for things and generally being a little tyrant. It has us driven spare!! Asked her recently to stop whining and did she know what whining meant? Her reply? 'It's for drinking!!' :-/

:D:D

Mink

Could have written some of these points. My fella (3yr 2mth now) was a terrible whiner, had us demented. I really would take tantrums (which there are plenty of sometimes) over the constant grating drone of whinging.

However, he vastly improved on this when he came out of his shell about 6 months ago and starting getting more vocab. He's always been about 6mths+ behind his peers speech wise.

He is much better now as he can communicate what he wants but he's also old enough to understand and tolerate a bit of discipline (occasional bold chair) and we find that he really perks up after that, don't know why. I don't think it's fear, we're not ruling with an iron fist here, I just think sometimes kids actually want a bit of discipline and structure.

Keeping his bedtime bang on 7pm, if he goes any later than that, I find the next day he's narky.

The really bad whinging seems to come in phases, lasting 1-4 weeks. I nearly lose my mind during these times and convince myself that I have to live with it for the next 18yrs. But then he comes through something and becomes a darling again and often has a new skill to boot (wonder weeks possibly).

I hope some of that helps, it really is awful dealing with it every single day

from_atozinc

Thanks all for the replies, greatly appreciated.

Will try some of the things suggested, like a bottle before all the night time routine etc .

Sounds like there is nothing really wrong with him anyway and that lots of children do this !

Qualitymark

from_atozinc wrote: »

Thanks all for the replies, greatly appreciated.

Will try some of the things suggested, like a bottle before all the night time routine etc .

Sounds like there is nothing really wrong with him anyway and that lots of children do this !

Of course. Most of us grow out of this. The rest grow up to be politicians.

munchkin_utd

Driven crazy wrote: »

Hi. My four year old son was very similar and to this day has his moments. I swear i thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown if he continued. My doctor eventually referred him to a chiild behavioural clinic over other issues and the consultant recommended i buy the book 1.2.3 MAgic. Well it changed my life. Its all about dealing with unwanted, negative behaviour and whining in particular. Google the reviews. Thousands of reviews about it.

seems to be a good book. I like the quote:
"Parents see kids’ tantrums as unjustified, unnecessary, mean, exaggerated and a sure sign of mental disorder"

we have 1 that is big into tantrums(to the point of vomiting, not good in the car!) and the other whiny .
I think that book, or similar, might indeed be needed.

mdwexford

Still having bottles at 22 months old is strange.

Maybe a change is what he needs.
Our 14 month old recently stopped bottles and his whole bedtime routine has changed.

Sligo1

mdwexford wrote: »

Still having bottles at 22 months old is strange.

Maybe a change is what he needs.
Our 14 month old recently stopped bottles and his whole bedtime routine has changed.

Meh my nearly 3 year old still likes a bottle before bed.... So long as he's not taking it when he's a teenager that's fine with me... Lol.

mdwexford

Sligo1 wrote: »

Meh my nearly 3 year old still likes a bottle before bed.... So long as he's not taking it when he's a teenager that's fine with me... Lol.

Haha.

We read that it can interfere with speech and teeth and stuff so said we'd knock it on the head.

Skatedude

There is a reason why it's called the terrible two's. A lot of kids are like this as they are just figuring out how they can get what they want without been old enough to understand the effect it has on others.
The only advise i can offer is that they do grow out of it and you have to keep reminding yourself of that fact.

Sligo1

mdwexford wrote: »

Haha.

We read that it can interfere with speech and teeth and stuff so said we'd knock it on the head.

I think it's only bad for their teeth if the bottle is in their mouth for a prolonged period of time as the milk is acidic and also the teat can push the teeth forward by the sucking. But my guy has his gone in 60 seconds. And I actually have to tell my son to stop talking half the time aswell and stop asking so many questions. Lol... So not too worried about speech either... . I've started to believe the whole "everything in moderation" theory.

Akrasia

Kids can be such a huge energy drain when they're clingy and whiney

It's unbelievably hard and it can turn into a vicious cycle.

We have a 2 year at the moment and she can go through periods where she's really pushing the boundaries and this causes us to to react which makes her worse. Some days we look back and realise that in the entire day, the little child has been in trouble basically, the entire time.

If the kid wants attention (and all kids do) the easiest thing to do is pull the dog's tail or draw on the walls, but this obviously isn't the right kind of attention.

It's the job of the parents to make a conscious decision to try and introduce positivity into the child's day. Give them a hug, talk to them, tell them they're good, do something with them that they really enjoy and give them good strong positive attention.

It's really hard to do this when they've been pushing your buttons and depending on the situation, the child might actually reject the positive attention in favour of more acting out, but it's important that children feel loved and valued and have good self esteem, and an atmosphere where there is constant stress and chastisement isn't healthy

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Very good post, Akrasia! I couldn't have put it better myself. Keeping parenting as positive as possible is definitely the way to go but it can be hard at times when you're in a vicious circle. My poor darling has been sick on and off for the last month and it has definitely impacted on her behaviour. I have also changed her bedtime routine and this has helped a lot too. Yesterday we had a day to ourselves at home and she didn't act up at all. She loved the attention and we were both happier at the end of the day. It's days like that that make parenting all the worth it.