My Grandmother's Will

Tetra

I wasn't sure whether to post this, but it's been on my mind so here goes.

My mother has an extremely difficult family. My Grandmother passed away very suddenly three months ago. I was very close to her. She lived in a house with three of my aunts. I used to visit often, and I often spent the night. I thought we were a close family.

The problem is that since the funeral they have become extremely hostile towards my parents and myself. My mother has been named as an executor along with two of them, but they never bothered to tell her. It was a fourth aunt who told her.

Myself and my dad called in about a month ago. They launched a vicious attack on us out of the blue, called my mother a liar and said dreadful things. We were shocked and walked out, vowing never to visit again.

We visited on Friday to try to mend fences. My father innocently asked if they had heard from the solicitor because my mother didn't. My aunt became immediately extremely defensive and said it didn't matter. Apparently before Grandmother died she transferred all of her cash to this aunt who had now gone into business and is heavily in debt. She informed us that she is going to sell some land to replace the money because the will states that everyone is entitled to x amount of money but there is none.

She then became extremely defensive and said she is "doing this out of the goodness of her heart". She doesn't have to do it because my Grandmother told her not to pay it back. My parents just asked if that was in writing? She said no and that "Granny winked at me to that effect". She told the solicitor to delay every thing by two years. The solicitor never mentioned this to my mum and dad.

This is where things went downhill fast. My parents are good people. If my aunt had gone to them and said "I have a problem and I need time" of course they would understand. Instead she went to the solicitor behind their backs, didn't bother letting them know anything and began issuing threats against us (if she hears us badmouthing her mother, that person will get nothing).

At this stage another aunt came in, shouted at my mother and called her a liar, and told her never to darken her door again. All of a sudden we were being told "get out and see you in court". She told me to "grow up" and handed me a newspaper that I had left there a month ago and said "get out and take your belongings with you". I was taken aback my the agressive nature of the attack, because my Grandmother's will is absolutely nothing to do with me. I threw the newspaper back at her and told her to keep it. I tried to say I'm sorry but she shouted at me that "you had many happy times here which you will never have again".

I'm not sure where to go from here. My parents really are decent, kind people and they were very good to their families all their lives.

I know that my aunts are grieving but so are we. I spoke about it with my brother who told me not to expect friendship from three oddball aunts.

I suppose I'm just wondering if there is any way back from this?

Thanks for reading.

Stheno

Get your own solicitor and a copy of the will

bonyn

Sorry to tell you, but they are 3 oddball aunts, who are grieving, and who are probably very funny with money due to times they grew up in, and probably a bit of paranoia/dementia to boot.
Keep out of it. Advise your mother to deal with the solicitor and don't get involved in the squabbles. I'm guessing your family don't rely on the money, so leave the drama to your aunts to it and hopefully things work out

as for "My parents just asked if that was in writing? ", but that's none of their business what your gran did when she was alive! It's inconsiderate questions like that that make it seem your parents may have ulterior motives.. keep out of it & let the solicitor do his job.

dudara

If your mother is an executor, she should have been contacted by the solicitor holding the will. It's very odd that she wasn't. I'm wondering if you are seeing the full story here.

Your mother should engage her own solicitor at this point.

Tetra

No, the solicitor did not contact my mother to tell her she was an executor.
I was there when my mother found out and she thought it was odd. She asked me to find the phone number for her.
Anyway my mother wants someone new.

I'm trying to think back. I think what my father meant when he said "was that in writing" - he was referring to something else. He was told it "doesn't need to be in writing because I'm telling you now".

I'm just bothered because my mother was so upset. She used to cook Christmas dinner for them every year. The reason she wanted to visit was to fix things and ask them if they would like a turkey or what this year.

Either way it's none of my business and I'm out.

MouseTail

Its a bit early to be asking if they want a turkey for Christmas!
Seriously OP, stay out of this, you have no idea of the dynamics or motivations of the people involved. The solicitor cannot proceed without liaising with all Executors, and part of the Estate cannot be sold by one Executor acting alone.

dudara

Closed at OP's request

EDIT: Reopened

Tetra

Well the Christmas thing was about breaking the ice.

I don't want to go into too much detail. My dad is not a solicitor exactly, but he does have years of experience in the legal field.

When my aunt informed us of her plans and whatever, my dad didn't agree with what she is doing and when he pointed out that it was wrong, she became agressive and hostile. He tried to explain to me why she is wrong, but my background is not law, and I admit it went over my head entirely.

I presume he knows what he is talking about as he has over 40 years of experience.

Throughout all of it, I was pretty much a horrified bystander.

I suppose I just felt sad. My family is quite difficult but we did have some happy times together. Is this really how it is going to end?

My parents are contacting the solicitor themselves tomorrow.

In any event, it is not my business and I won't be visiting them again.

bonyn

The problem was probably your dad trying to explain it to your mother's aunts.

But, try not to worry. It might blow over.

When my mam's aunt was in hospital her cousin was in another country and thought my mother was making a play for her inheritance and told her "not to darken her door again" and they didn't speak for a few years.

But my mam continue looking after the aunt until she passed away, and the cousin sent her a bunch of flowers thanking her for looking after her mother so much while she was ill. In actual fact, my mam was probably hundreds if not thousands out of pocket in petrol, and general bits and bobs over the years.. money seems to bring out the worst in some people.

HairMare

Tetra wrote: »

Well the Christmas thing was about breaking the ice.

I don't want to go into too much detail. My dad is not a solicitor exactly, but he does have years of experience in the legal field.

When my aunt informed us of her plans and whatever, my dad didn't agree with what she is doing and when he pointed out that it was wrong, she became agressive and hostile. He tried to explain to me why she is wrong, but my background is not law, and I admit it went over my head entirely.

I presume he knows what he is talking about as he has over 40 years of experience.

Throughout all of it, I was pretty much a horrified bystander.

I suppose I just felt sad. My family is quite difficult but we did have some happy times together. Is this really how it is going to end?

My parents are contacting the solicitor themselves tomorrow.

In any event, it is not my business and I won't be visiting them again.

Hi tetra sorry to hear about your lose and hassle with the aunts. To me it sounds like a mixture of grief and a circling of the wagons, your branch of family being forced out to protect their inheritance, unfortunately where theres a will theres a relative. They know there wrong hence the anger. Things will settle in time, but be there for your parents as this will be a big strain. If your mother is listed as an executor and solicitor didnt make contact things are going to get messy. Money and land bring out the worst in people. Hope things settle down for you.

pwurple

I think your role if anything should be peace-maker. Try to make them see the consequences of this fighting.

I know when each of my grandparents passed away, on both my mother's and father's side, there was lots of squabbling about inheritance. People deciding they were due more because they were unemployed, or had done a larger part of palliative care, or had more children themselves. Decades later, some siblings are not speaking to each other about it. I also know from being an executor how stressed people get, especially about timelines.

From my own perspective, I've tried to learn from it, and made a big effort to write a clear will, and have spoken in detail about it to the executors so they know exactly what to expect. My executors are also not beneficiaries or related to me, so I'm hoping grief will not cloud their judgement.


I think the throwing of the newspaper was a mistake. Try to apologise, make amends, and eventually get them talking civilly to eachother again.