Suspect my roommate is bulimic :(

This Fat Girl Runs

I've known my roommate for 4 years, she moved in well over a year ago. Lately I've started to wonder if she's bulimic.

She eats a lot of crappy, sugery food but is very slim (size 6). When I say a lot, I mean a lot. She'll eat an entire cake in one day or a box of ice cream in an evening. She can eat a box of pudding cups or cornetos in one sitting. This is in addition to her usual meals.

She has said herself she is addicted to sugar.

Fair enough, it's her life and her body, I wouldn't judge her for it.

The thing is, she gets these bad headaches all the time and her 'cure' for these headaches is to eat more sugary food then make herself throw up.

The reason I wonder if she's bulimic (maybe she doesn't even know she is?) is something she said to me one day. She was talking about an overweight co-worker of hers and she said to me 'when I see people like that, I thank God I'm slim'. Her 'thank God I'm slim' was very forceful, very determined as if it were the biggest thing she has to be grateful about.

She and I are fairly close, we talk about our problems with life, work etc. We get on pretty well but I haven't been able to approach her about this because what if I'm wrong? And is it really my place to say anything?

She's in her early 30's, btw.

I worry for her, and hope I'm wrong. I guess I am not looking for answers because only she knows what's going on but if I'm over-analysing things, I'd like to (kindly) be told. If it's none of my business, again, kindly say so.

Sadly there's nothing you can do, as such, bar talk to her as nicely as you can and see if she'll open up about it. It sort of sounds a lot like binge and purge, which would certainly point to an eating disorder of somesort. Tell her that you care for her, that you don't want to see anything bad happen to her, and that you'll gladly go to a psychiatrist with her, if she'd like you to. That's the only real person that can help her, bar herself.

I'm sure if someone thinks differently, they'll let us know, but the best thing for her is to go see a psychiatrist.

Detached Retina

Sounds a lot like a girl I was friends with in college years ago, mates were room mates with her. She was mad into crazy portions of takeaways, chips, batter burgers etc. in massive amounts every night, huge lunches etc. but then would need to pop to the bathroom straight after eating, we'd hear her throwing up. Made up lots of excuses, got very angry and deffensive. We tried to gently address many times. Some mates then accused her of attention seeking and I think that's what actually upset her and made her get help as talking to her didn't. (not suggesting that btw).
Alternatively she has some galloping thyroid or other health issue, it's not sustainable either way!

santana75

This Fat Girl Runs wrote: »

The thing is, she gets these bad headaches all the time and her 'cure' for these headaches is to eat more sugary food then make herself throw up.

I think you're beyond the "Suspect shes bullimic" stage to be honest. Throwing up after shes eaten is bullimia. A physically tell tale sign is swollen glands, like really puffy, they'll stand out on her neck. Theres nothing you can do really, if you confront her she'll get angry and defensive and no good will come of that. She'll just stop throwing up at your place and do it somewhere else. I worked with a group of girls with eating disorders and the one thing they all have in common is that they are all super sensitive souls. A confrontation wont go down well at all. They were all beautiful, very smart, kind and felt things very deeply. And thats part of the problem, they just didnt know how to handle their super sensitivity in a world that was harsh and uncaring.
Anyway your friend has to come to the place herself where she acknowledges theres a problem and wants to do something about it. I know its hard to stand by and do nothing but you just have to focus on your own life and issues and not try to save anyone else, thats their job.

bonyn

Leave her to it. People with mental health issues can get fairly defensive at times, and if she turns on you it might not be a nice environment to live in.
If you want to help I suggest trying to take up a few healthy pastimes and involve her, like going to the gym for some light weight training or pilates, and encouraging her to take up healthy eating like protein and veg.. if she sees results and feels healthier she might be tempted to ditch the sugar. I'd probably steer clear of running as a form of exercise, just because it can cause quick and possibly unhealthy weight loss so not good for someone with body issues.

This Fat Girl Runs

Thanks for all the replies. I really appreciate that.

Now that you mention it, I do see my roommate is quite sensitive to things. She gets upset over the smallest thing, especially if she sees it as a slight against her. That's not to belittle what she's feeling, and having been through bouts of depression myself I know that 'small' things can seem like 'big' problems. By 'small' things I mean that she'll get upset if someone doesn't text her back, or say hello to her in college, or won't go with her to an event. She takes it to mean they are against her, or don't like her and it really upsets her.

She IS sensitive so I think my bringing this up would hurt her. And as you said, it might drive her to be more secretive.

I really feel for her though, and hate to see her doing this to herself. If there is ever a time to bring it up in a sensitive way, I might try it. I think right now she'd deny anything or at least deny that these things are related (sugar addition + headaches + vomiting).

We have talked about health and nutrition and exercise before. She knows I'm training for a marathon and she's always saying how healthy I am and how she wishes she could eat more the way I do. I generally make everything I eat, using non-processed foods. She has made an effort to cook more for herself but to be honest, a healthy homemade dinner means nothing when you eat a whole cake beforehand.

I'll just...carry on and be her friend and hope there's an opportunity to talk to her about it in a way that she'll take well and hopefully start to think about getting help.

Thanks again, guys. I don't know that I feel better about it but I do feel I know what to do/not to do. That helps.

Sunny Dayz

Hi OP - I know it might seem like you are ignoring the problem if you don't bring it up with her. But if you do confront her she is most likely going to deny it, close up and you will lose her confidence and friendship. But obviously you can't sit back and do nothing.
Have you got any mutual friends or do you know any of her own friends or family that you can speak to about your concerns?


In relation to the sugary foods and headaches, sugar withdrawls can be pretty bad and can cause headaches and cravings for more sugar, it can be a vicious cycle and is sometimes compared with narcotic drugs! Maybe you could try to encourage her to eat some of your healthy foods? Suggest going out for a little walk afterwards to "walk it off" but stops her heading straight for the bathroom and the fresh air and company may help her stress / anxiety levels? I know are probably up to your eyes with the marathon training but it might help.

Alf Veedersane

Whether or not she is sensitive isn't really a sign. But there's plenty there to suggest she has an issue. Frequent trips to the jacks as well.

It isn't always just about food either. It's often a coping mechanism for something else that has manifested itself through the bulimia for one reason or another so the focus on being slim is unlikely to be the primary reason for why it started.

And she will get defensive if you broach it. There may be times when she throws up or mentions something where you may be able to mention your concern but you can't labour it. But even then it may not yield anything but an argument.

Just be there for her. It's probably all you can do even if it feels like you're doing nothing.

I've been your roommate and it took a lot more than any intervention to make me sort it.

Best of luck OP and just remember being a friend is the best thing you can do.